One of them, a woman whose husband left her, goes over the past again and again. She is stuck in unforgiveness. The negativity from this preoccupation with the past keeps her from being fully alive. Her negativity has been passed on to her children. I grieve at this.
Another one, a man, can list all the failure of his in-laws from forty years ago. I listen but cannot make him forgive and forget. He goes over and over the past, over hurts and over slights. He is crippled in his memory by unforgiveness. Why does he hang on to such hurts? Again, a negativity flows from his speech which affects his wife and children.
The third, another woman, whenever I meet her, begins a litany of how awful her sister has been to her throughout her entire life, which is very long. I do not know how to convince her to forgive and forget. She claims she has forgiven, but the next time I visit her, she goes over the same territory of over a half-century of disputes with her sister.
How can I convince them that forgiveness is the only way out of the past? Daily forgiveness is necessary for some people, like a friend of mine in a difficult marriage. But, forgiveness frees one.
Recently, I have learned this yet again. The hardest thing to forgive is misunderstandings when one is being judged unfairly and criticized by those who truly do not know one or who have projected their own sins on one.
A reader wrote to me that the hardest thing for him is to forgive those who unjustly judge him. I agree.
When one opens one's self up to others for love and care, sometimes this openness is rejected. He is learning this the hard way.
I do not know how to help my three old friends forgive. They are very old and have been carrying these hurts most of their lives. Forgiveness would free them. And, when I mention this, they tell me they have forgiven, but then keep talking about the hurts.
We need to grieve and cry and get over hurts. We need to face betrayal, harsh criticisms, judgements, and unkind words. We need to let go of those who have injured us and move on. We cannot change the lack of love in our lives. Christ Himself was killed by those He loved, His own people. They mocked Him. They rejected His purity. He forgave and He was innocent.
Can people not forgive fellow sinners like ourselves and move on?
Pray for my three friends today, that they may forgive and let those painful memories slide into love. Pray that I can learn how to speak to them so that they understand that they are chained to the past and chained to gross negativity.