Something happened and I do not understand exactly what did happen, but I know this.
All three of them, all of them from another country, grew up surrounded by lies and myths regarding their own families. These lies and myths were either exaggerations of reality regarding the importance of their families, lies covering up serious sins in their parents and grandparents' lives, and lies concerning the identity of their respective families. They either tried to rebel against these lies and failed, or they tried to make reparation and failed, as in either case, they were not free.
To break out of familial lies takes a gigantic move of courage and will-power. I can say that all three of these highly talented men have lived lives in a half-light, half-shadow reality.
Because of the lies and even hatred of their mothers, or fathers, they have been unable to see who they are and who God is. They all had completely unrealistic expectations of themselves, not because they are not extremely talented, but because they came from dysfunctional families.
I know these men very well. They have been my close friends. I have loved them dearly and have wanted to see them free from the past evils of the lies and myths of their families.
Two have lost their parents; one of these men has become freer since the passing of a parent who did not let him be who he really is.
The other two men live in the grey, shadow world of living, but not really living. The sins perpetrated against them in their dysfunctional families scarred them to the point where they are older middle-aged, alone, unhappy.
I pray for them. They need the power of the Resurrection in their lives.
A special courage is necessary to break away from family myths of grandeur or greatness. One must find a central core of being which is peaceful and humble to withstand such lies and, yes, psychological abuse.
Courage is a virtue. One must step back and say, "My family has lived in lies." Sometimes, this type of honesty seems so drastic, so scary, that people think they will lose themselves by admitting the past was full of lies and myths.
To break away and to create alternative ways of living can seem like miracles. I have come to realize that some homeless people are homeless, because, either they had the courage to break away, or they were discarded by these dysfunctional families.
Pray for my dear friends and those like them, so that they can discover who they really are, and rejoice in the creation God has made when He made them. In all cases, these men never found their true vocations. They have not known who they are, and what they were supposed to do in this life. They are the lost souls of dysfunction. They are not mentally ill, but spiritually bound up by the sins of others.
I quote Newman's prayer....
God knows me and calls me by my name.…
God has created me to do Him some definite service;
He has committed some work to me
which He has not committed to another.
I have my mission—I never may know it in this life,
but I shall be told it in the next.
Somehow I am necessary for His purposes…
I have a part in this great work;
I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection
between persons.
He has not created me for naught. I shall do good,
I shall do His work;
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth
in my own place, while not intending it,
if I do but keep His commandments
and serve Him in my calling.
Therefore I will trust Him.
Whatever, wherever I am,
I can never be thrown away.
If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him;
In perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him;
If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him.
My sickness, or perplexity, or sorrow may be
necessary causes of some great end,
which is quite beyond us.
He does nothing in vain; He may prolong my life,
He may shorten it;
He knows what He is about.
He may take away my friends,
He may throw me among strangers,
He may make me feel desolate,
make my spirits sink, hide the future from me—
still He knows what He is about.…
Let me be Thy blind instrument. I ask not to see—
I ask not to know—I ask simply to be used.
from Meditations and Devotions,
"Meditations on Christian Doctrine,"
"Hope in God—Creator", March 7, 1848