Some of my friends, for various reasons, experience great rejection at Christmas time. This time of supposed holiday cheer and family friendliness can be marred by rejection by siblings, parents, even a spouse.
Rejection may be old, occurring over and over again in families owing to dysfunctional relationships, sin, even malice. One person I know was rejected in the womb and is still rejected by her mother who hates her.
Rejection may be new, like the loss of a new boyfriend, or a divorce, or a death in the family.
How one deals with rejection leads either to bitterness or perfection.
For those who choose the road to perfection, I have a few suggestions, having experienced myself many types of rejection, all which come to a head at this time of year.
First of all, rejection hits at the ego, which is a good thing. One may be full of too much self-love and rejection reminds one of personal imperfections and sin.
Second, rejection can be a time for reflection and repentance. But, most importantly, times of rejection are times of forgiveness.
One must say, "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Third, rejection can be a time of spiritual growth, as God asks one to join Him on the Cross, the ultimate rejection. Rejection brings humility.
I have three friends who are highly educated, charming women who were always, through-out their lives rejected by their fathers, who openly wanted a boy, and got a girl instead for a baby.
These women feel the pain of rejection, even though they are middle-aged. Even at parties, which I have attended, the fathers and the mothers prefer the men in the families openly, to the point of undermining the dignity of the women. These women have told me of their rejection. They have lived with it.
Now, one might say, why do not these women avoid this rejection? That is a good question. In one case, the daughter does not want to hurt her mother, and in another case, the daughter believes God is asking her to love her father even though he is verbally abusive.
One can only make these types of decisions on one's own. Sometimes rejection is so bad that one must avoid the situations entirely.
But, to avoid pain may be a running away from the Cross.
Another woman I know is rejected deeply by her mother. The mother favors the sons, and the daughter is seen as a second-class citizen. Because the mother has treated the woman as such since childhood, the men in the family do not respect the woman either, taking their cues from the mother.
This woman decided to love and honor her mother at Christmas, even though the verbal and emotional abuse is keen. She told me that the family ignores her as a non-person at the dinners and that no one, neither the siblings or the mother ask about her life. No one cares. No one "sees" her as a person.
That this woman visits her mother is a question of heroic virtue in my mind. She is trying to love an unlovable person. This woman is an artist, and her mother wanted her to be a doctor. The mother has preached the Gospel of Failure to this woman all her life, as the mother determined what the child would be and do, not appreciating the talents God gave the person.
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| Nativity by Carl Bloch |
Rejection is what Our Lord experienced the night He was born. His mother experienced rejection, as did St. Joseph.
The Baby was born outside the normal customs of the time, outside the care of neighbors or family. For a moment in time, the Holy Family was "homeless", in a cave.
I cannot give advice on whether one should avoid rejection or take it. If one is emotionally secure enough and if one is spiritually able to join with Christ on the Cross, perhaps one can put one's self in a position of being rejected.
This action takes prayer and reflection.
I pray sincerely for all those who feel rejected, and who are rejected at this time of year. I know too many men and women in this type of pain. The list is, frankly, too long.
I know that God can use pain for purification, as sins must be atoned for-each sin of ours and the sins of others. Perhaps God asks some people to join Him in His pain-in His Mother's pain and in the pain of St. Joseph on this holy night.
If you are one of those people who are rejected, I pray for you today and tomorrow. If you are a person who becomes depressed at Christmas because of years of family rejection, I pray for you. I know two people who get very depressed at this time of year, both men. May God comfort them.
Please try and join Christ in His rejection-the rejection of an All-Loving God Who gave His Life that we may live.
I do not say "Happy Christmas", nor do I wish you "Merry Christmas".
I wish you a "Holy Christmas."