...I am an INTJ, it is easier for me, than those more emotional or extrovert, to be objective. I am wired to be objective. But, I have learned some good lessons to share with those who are struggling with being hurt all the time, being defensive, and not growing in the way of perfection.
The Dark Night of the Senses purges the physical sins. The Dark Night of the Spirit purges spiritual sins.
Here are some hints if you are having trouble in the Dark Night with the purification of the spirit.
1) Learn to forgive, quickly and always. This may take practice.
2) Never, never go over the past and hold grudges. Too many Catholics keep going back to nurse hurts. Move on.
3) Create boundaries in your spirit if you have never formed these as a child. Boundaries are a sign of healthy self-love. If you let others manipulate you, you will never become holy.
4) Pray for those who hate you.
5) Surround yourself with good, strong, "grounded" Catholics. I refuse to hang around whiners who cause sin in others by constant negativity and complaining. This fact alone is another reason why we all need strong Catholic communities. Real Catholics are realistic but positive about their end goal.
6) Cooperate with God on matters of humility. I could have grown so much faster but was not generous with God and delayed progress in the Dark Night by fighting pain and suffering. Once one gives in to God and is resigned, things happen quickly.
7) Realize that the desires of your heart are from God from all time. Providence put those desires into your heart IF they are for good and the building of the Kingdom of God. Of course, this idea does not apply to mere material desires, which should have been dealt with in the Dark Night of the Senses.
8) Say no to evil people. Do not hang around evil people. Period. You may or may not be the one called to convert them. And, if they have persisted in evil despite evangelization, walk away. Satan will even use families to tear you away from God. Say no to families who are steeped in sin....
9) Embrace the Dark Night with joy, as it means that God is calling you specifically.
10) You have a purpose in the Kingdom of God. In the Dark Night of the Spirit, this should become more obvious, as to your call.
to be continued...