A theme I have pursued on this blog, especially under the
tag of virtue and virtues, is the great responsibility of parents to raise
their children in grace.
I am reminded today of St. Padre Pio’s astounding, public
renunciation of a woman who came to him for Confession. She was well-dressed.
Barely had she come into the room when the saint came out of the Confessional,
announcing loudly to her (and everyone else in the room) that he would not hear
her confession. His words are here paraphrased: “Because of you, your son is in
hell. When you have decided to repent, I will hear your confession.”
“But, you will tell
me, we cannot be always following them (the youth and children) around. We have
other things to do. As to that, my dear brethren, I will say nothing. All I
know is that you will answer for their souls as much as for you can own. But we
do all we can. I do not know whether you do all you, but this much I do know:
if your children incur damnation at home with you, you, too will be damned.
That much I know, and nothing else. You may go on saying “No” to that, saying
that I go too far. You will agree with it if you have not entirely lost your
faith. That alone should suffice to cast you into a state of despair form which
you could not emerge. But I know well that you will not take another step to
fulfill any better your duties to your children. You are not at all disturbed,
and you are almost right, for you will have plenty of time to torment
yourselves during all eternity. We pass on.”
The girls were steeped in “vanities”, in walking and
dressing (no slouching) in such a way to attract attention. Sadly, this is the
mindset of so many Catholic mothers, I must mention these words from the Cure’s
sermons. Sadly, the words of the saint echo down to this age. How many mothers
push their girls into going to dances and parties? How many mothers buy clothes
which attract rather than simple, modest clothes? I was in the best, most
expensive department store yesterday with my mother, as she needed to buy a
birthday present for my nieces, who will be twelve in August.
To be honest, I was shocked at the huge amount of party and
dressy dresses with no sleeves, low backs and even spaghetti straps for girls
not yet into puberty. These dresses would be immodest for an adult, but for a
child, these are obscene. To push girls into dressing like sophisticated adults
is drawing attention to the sexualization
of our youngest girls.
Two girls came into the same store about a month ago
preparing for a child’s fashion show. Both girls were young. One was about
eight and the other was about five. Both had on small high heels and fancy
party dresses. One dress plunged to the waste in the back, a giant v-shape
revealed her little back. The five year old had a dress with spaghetti straps.
Both dresses cost about a hundred dollars. The mother said these girls were
preparing for the fashion show. But, she was not thinking about their souls,
their imaginations, their memories. This mother is preparing her girls to think
about being sexy only, being attractive. I would be protecting those girls, not
pushing them out into the world.
A home schooling mother told me recently of her good friends
that finally pulled her daughter out of the local junior high as all, yes, all, the girls of thirteen and
fourteen were discussing in detail their sexual adventures. To be fair, the
mother had been naïve about youth and needed a wake-up call. The child is now
home-schooled. They are not Catholic. Another mother, a Hindu, has been shocked
at the immorality of her daughter’s peers in the public high school. She has
taken her girl out, and is now home schooling. Being raised in a certain class
in India
This is not fiction. And mothers who allow their daughters
to go to tweenie and even teens parties simply are ruining the imaginations and
ability for sainthood in their girls.
St. John Vianney
squarely puts the sin of neglect or even of false values at the feet, or
rather, on the soul of the parents.
To merely teach your girls to marry well, not marry holy,
get ahead, shop until they drop and be thinking of their hair and appearance
constantly form the girl for a lifetime of the sin of vainglory.
So many parents say to me, “What when wrong?” The answer is simple—you, as a mom, listened to
the world instead of God in raising your children.
If I had to raise my son all over again, I would be stricter.
But, he did not go to mixed parties until he was 16, and then for a reason,
such as the youth choir group, or the end of the play party, and I was there
with the other youth and adults.
Parties at home are fine, and I had many with the “guys” for
my son. We had youth over all the time on the weekends, after a game, or just
for the heck of it, having pizza or barbecue. We did not have mixed parties.
There was no need. All the guys there had decided not to get married in their
near futures. Some had decided to become priests. None were dating. There was
no need to date as of yet.
Mixed parties and dating are for one thing-finding a mate and if a young person is
not ready to get married, there is no need for either mixed parties or dating.
Boys can learn at home the correct way to eat, be respectful to women, and so
on, by doing things with mom and his sisters.
Do you want your
children to go to heaven?
Another mom let her daughter go to a mixed sleep-over. She said the boys were in one room and the girls
in another. Why? Why did this have to occur? What is the good of this? Boys who
are not brothers should not see girls in pjs or nightgowns. Girls should not
see boys in sleep attire. I can hardly write this is seems so evil. “And lead us not into temptation.”
The children were all ten and eleven, but I know many children who have gone
through puberty at eleven. And, I do not believe in the goodness of sleep overs
for a group. If a child wants her best friend to stay over for a weekend, fine,
but group sleep overs seems incredibly naïve and out of place for Christian
families. Mixed sleep overs seem unbelievable, but these occur here.
People simply either do not believe in original sin, and the
vast majority of the kids at the sleep over were not baptized, as they were not
Christian Asians, or non-Christians, that is completely secular families. This
party above was one conducted by parents who are university professors. Many of
the parents are atheists.
I have taught on this blog that children can go to hell.
Many Catholics do not believe this. I received angry responses to some of those
posts about this subject.
Eternity is a very long time…..We have both natural law and
reason to help us discern good situations over evil. Children come into the age
of reason by seven, some earlier. Some can reason between good and evil at
five.
I wrote a long series on virtue training for children last
summer about this time. The tags are virtue, virtues, home schooling, and so
on.
If you are a parent, please think and pray on these things.
You do not have much time.
Here is St. John Vianney again:
“How is it that you
are complaining that your animals are dying? Undoubtedly you must have
forgotten all those sins which have been committed in your outbuildings and
stables during the five or six months of winter. You have forgotten that the
Holy Ghost has said that everywhere this sin shall be committed; the curse of
the Lord will fall. How many young
people—alas!—would still have their innocence if they had not attended certain
winter gatherings, young people now who perhaps will never come back to God?
Again, as a result of these affairs, there are those young people who form
associations which, most frequently
end in scandal and the loss of a girl’s reputation. Then there are all the
young libertines, who having sold their own souls to the Devil, now set out to
rob other of theirs. Yes, my children, the evil which results from these
gatherings is incalculable. If you are Christians and you wish to save souls
and those of your children and others of your household, you should never hold
these gatherings in your homes, or at least not unless you yourselves, one of
the heads of the households, are going to see to it that God will not be
offended by what goes on. Once you have all come in, you should close the door
and refuse to admit anyone else. Begin your gatherings by reciting one or two
decades of the Rosary to invoke the protection of the Blessed Virgin—and this
you can do it you put your mind to it. Then banish all lascivious and sinful
songs; your bodies are temples of the Holy Ghost, and these profane your hearts
and mouths; banish also all those stories which are only lies and yarns in any
event and are most often directed against people consecrated to God, which
makes them more sinful. And you should never allow your children into any other
of these gatherings. Why do they want to get away from you, except for the
purpose of avoiding supervision? If you are faithful to the fulfillment of your
duties, God will be less offended and you less blameworthy.”
Wouldn’t it be nice to hear on a Sunday how bad the music is
online and on phones? Would it not be good to hear sermons that tell parents
not to let their children hang out unsupervised with those who are not in
sanctifying grace? Would it not be good
to hear of the dangers of computer games, of going to clubs and so forth from
the priests? I have not heard on priest
decry horrible satanic music at the Superbowl. Not one have I heard in person….
All these selections, in the past few posts over the past
few days, are from St. John Vianney are from The Sermons of the Cure of Ars, translated by Una Morrissy, Tan
Books, 1995, reprinted in 2009 by St. Benedict Press/