Victim Then Victor
I can now write a bit more about the experience I had of
Christ’s Passion. This was not a physical experience, but an existential one.
For about fifteen minutes, I felt the complete abandonment
of people and of God. It was hell. No
love, no light, no peace, just a blackness of fear and emptiness. Gradually,
after making an act of faith and act of love, and understanding that this was a gift of
understanding and knowledge, I was released from this horrible experience only
to be led into the Harrowing of Hell, again, as an emotional and intellectual,
not a physical experience, although fear and abandonment do cause physical
reactions.
When Christ descended into hell, as we say in the Creed, He
went down first as Victim, experiencing all the pain and agony of those who
have sinned and turned against God. He experienced what a soul who needs
salvation does, what all who need salvation do, except that He is All Perfect,
All Good, the Only Pure Victim. He went down as a Victim and then, immediately
as He conquered sin, death and satan, as Victor, over death and damnation,
going through hell, freeing those who waited for Him. He literally unlocked the
Gates of Heaven so that from that day forward, we all have the chance for
eternal bliss. As Victor, He overcame Death and Decay through His Purity and Perfection,
as God-Man, as the only valid Sacrifice Who could be made for our sins.
That Christ suffered for all men and women is a profound
truth, pointing to the fact that only a God could do that.
The intense pain of Christ was our pains, our sins, not His,
of course. His moment of death in all its existential horrors as well as
physical ones, He allowed Himself to experience.
He made His Own act of confidence in God on the Cross,
“Father, into Your Hands, I commend My Spirit.”
But, He accepted His Passion, the pain of His Entire Being
totally in love, for love of us.
To love in the midst of such agony is sheer gift. This is
what we all must desire, in our imperfections, allowing God to cleanse us of
all which separates us from Him.
He allowed others to take control of His Holy Self. He
allowed others to torture and disrespect Him. He allowed Himself to feel the
brunt of hatred.
Love is the answer, the only answer to suffering. Love leads
to forgiveness and new life, just as Christ was raised from the dead, so too,
shall we, if we persevere.