Wednesday, 24 July 2013
A Serious Question for Women
One of my dear friends, a widow from the States, is pursuing the road to perfection. When we see each other once a year, we discuss everything we can in the few days we have to spare in our travels.
This woman, who I shall call Elizabeth, asked me a very excellent and perturbing question recently when we met up.
She said, and this is a paraphrase, "A woman cannot pursue this road to purification and perfection with a man, can she?"
I was taken aback, but she has a point. I do know of two women who have husbands who allow them to pursue perfection in their marriages. The husbands acknowledge that Christ comes first and is the True Bridegroom, and they are there to help themselves and their wives become saints.
My friend was dubious. I do not blame her. Elizabeth is very beautiful and was married twice. Both of her husbands died; one of a heart attack and one of cancer. I knew her second husband, a great Christian man, but not a Catholic. She said, "In my experience, all most men want is sex. I finally realized this, and will not marry again."
Brave and focused woman.
But, the question is real. And, disturbing. To find a male person who would not be jealous of Christ, who does not see that the real purpose of marriage is procreation, and the leading of each other to heaven, is almost impossible.
Many of my young female friends want to marry, but they cannot find holy men. They will settle for nothing less.
Good. A marriage must be based on Christ and the goal of all Catholics-life everlasting.
When Christ is first in a marriage, this means that both partners have a relationship with Christ and with the Church.
On August 1st, 2014, my addition is this. Some men have spoken with me recently about being "yoked unequally". By this they mean that they have decided to walk the road of perfection, but their wives are not in the same place.
I can recommend three things. One, absolutely get a good, trad spiritual director. Two, be patient. As the man is the head of the spiritual family, it is easier to move the family to the right place through the husband. Three, read Scott Hahn. He had to wait for his wife on their journey.