Raissa and Jacques had a Josephite marriage, made under spiritual direction. One can read about that here.
One of the sufferings God asked Raissa to endure was the setting aside of earthly, human affection. But, she explains that one must love God first, and then love people as God so desires them to be loved.
Loving another person in and through God takes great courage, as this state involves great suffering. From July 21st, 1918:
I have given to God, with the truly extraordinary help of his grace, things I loved more than myself (for my love was disordered). I must begin to give myself; this is indeed much easier.
I have learnt to love men more for God--and to esteem them much less in themselves. Their judgement matters little to me, at least fairly little. What matters to me from now on is to be with my God, and to learn to love him truly. To make his Love and his Mercy known, by becoming kind and merciful myself, by living only on his Love.
I understand this movement of the heart and mind totally. God has taken away all my closest and dearest family members, friends, and more-than-friends. This has been His Will for me, and it is painful to realize that one's love is disordered.
To come to the knowledge that all loves must start and end in God Alone may be easier for some than others. This journey of the heart and mind (as true love is in the will) has been painful for me. As St. Alphonsus wrote, his greatest fault was loving people too much.
To allow God to enter into those relationships and burn away all selfishness, desires, and even good intentions in order for Him to be loved first and totally has been for me a great trial.
I know many married women who have told me that they experienced this in their marriage. I did as well.
To love for the sake of God must be the priority of anyone who wants to be united to God. Raissa also admitted in another section, which I read years ago and remembered (1983 to be exact was the time this sunk in...) that it was harder for her to keep the oath of celibacy than for Jacques. That God gives different loves and graces to people may be one of the greatest mysteries of all.
But, to be a saint, to become objective lovers, we must move beyond affections which keep us from loving God first.
to be continued...