14. Those conscious of being in this state must as often as possible have recourse to His Majesty, taking His Blessed Mother and the saints for their advocates to do battle for them, because we creatures possess little strength for self-defence. Indeed in every state of life all our help must come from God; may He in His mercy grant it us, Amen! What a miserable life we lead!
As I have spoken more fully in other writings
[57] on the ill that results from ignoring the need of humility and
self-knowledge, I will treat no more about it here, my daughters,
although it is of the first importance. God grant that what I have said
may be useful to you.
Most of us are here, looking at the lives of the saints for comfort and guidance.
15 You must notice that the light which comes from the King's palace
hardly shines at all in these first mansions; although not as gloomy
and black as the soul in mortal sin, yet they are in semi-darkness, and
their inhabitants see scarcely anything. I cannot explain myself; I do
not mean that this is the fault of the mansions themselves, but that
the number of snakes, vipers, and venomous reptiles from outside the
castle prevent souls entering them from seeing the light. They resemble
a person entering a chamber full of brilliant sunshine, with eyes
clogged and half closed with dust. Though the room itself is light, he
cannot see because of his self-imposed impediment. In the same way,
these fierce and wild beasts blind the eyes of the beginner, so that he
sees nothing but them.
The fog I saw in the neighborhood created a semi-darkness. The houses and trees, nicely manicured lawns and flowers were wrapped in this murkiness, as if sinfulness obscured normal life. So it is with most people who only live in vain-glory, which is the taking of glory from God and claiming it for one's own.
16. Such, it appears to me, is the soul which, though not in a state of
mortal sin, is so worldly and preoccupied with earthly riches, honours,
and affairs, that as I said, even if it sincerely wishes to enter into
itself and enjoy the beauties of the castle, it is prevented by these
distractions and seems unable to overcome so many obstacles. It is most
important to withdraw from all unnecessary cares and business, as far
as compatible with the duties of one's state of life, in order to enter
the second mansion. This is so essential, that unless done immediately
I think it impossible for any one ever to reach the principal room, or
even to remain where he is without great risk of losing what is already
gained; otherwise, although he is inside the castle, he will find it
impossible to avoid being bitten some time or other by some of the very
venomous creatures surrounding him.
Get away from distractions, both exterior and interior. Simplify your lives, and those in your families. Sin complicates, does it not, so one way to simplify one's life is to stop sinning. Stop trying to be like everyone else and be CATHOLIC!
4. These souls hear our Lord calling them, for as they approach nearer to where His Majesty dwells He proves a loving Neighbour, though they may still be engaged in the amusements and business, the pleasures and vanities of this world. While in this state we continually fall into sin and rise again, for the creatures amongst whom we dwell are so venomous, so vicious, and so dangerous, that it is almost impossible to avoid being tripped up by them. Yet such are the pity and compassion of this Lord of ours, so desirous is He that we should seek Him and enjoy His company, that in one way or another He never ceases calling us to Him. So sweet is His voice, that the poor soul is disconsolate at being unable to follow His bidding at once, and therefore, as I said, suffers more than if it could not hear Him.
I say to those who have started this journey to take heart. I pray for those who have asked me to do so, as when one begins to sin again and again after trying so hard to avoid all sin, one needs to focus on the Dear Face of Christ, Who is All Good and full of compassion, especially for those of us who want to love Him as perfectly as we can. This trying causes sufferings, and if God removes Himself and all consolations, the way presents itself with more difficulties. One must persist in prayer and in recollection.
5. I do not mean that divine communications and inspirations received in this mansion are the same as those I shall describe later on; God here speaks to souls through words uttered by pious people, by sermons or good books, and in many other such ways. Sometimes He calls souls by means of sickness or troubles, or by some truth He teaches them during prayer, for tepid as they may be in seeking Him, yet God holds them very dear.
6. Do not think lightly, sisters, of this first grace, nor be downcast if you have not responded immediately to Our Lord's voice, for His Majesty is willing to wait for us many a day and even many a year, especially when He sees perseverance and good desires in our hearts. Perseverance is the first essential; with this we are sure to profit greatly. However, the devils now fiercely assault the soul in a thousand different ways: it suffers more than ever, because formerly it was mute and deaf, or at least could hear very little, and offered but feeble resistance, like one who has almost lost all hope of victory.
Vigilance must accompany prayer. The devil, who Christ calls “the Father of Lies” tries all sorts of things to bring one away from the persistence in prayer and penances. It is odd that some commentators do not like St. Teresa's writings on suffering. There is no way around this way if one wants to be purified. And, the world is not where one finds happiness, as this great saint reminds her daughters in the Faith.
7. Here, however, the understanding being more vigilant and the powers more on the alert, we cannot avoid hearing the fighting and cannonading around us. For now the devils set on us the reptiles, that is to say, thoughts about the world and its joys which they picture as unending; they remind us of the high esteem men held us in, of our friends and relations; they tell us how the penances which souls in this mansion always begin to wish to perform would injure our health: in fine, the evil spirits place a thousand impediments in the way.
8. O Jesus! What turmoil the devils cause in the poor soul! How unhappy it feels, not knowing whether to go forward or to return to the first mansion! On the other hand, reason shows it the delusion of overrating worldly things, while faith teaches what alone can satisfy its cravings. Memory reminds the soul how all earthly joys end, recalling the death of those who lived at ease; how some died suddenly and were soon forgotten, how others, once so prosperous, are now buried beneath the ground and men pass by the graves where they lie, the prey of worms, [65] while the mind recalls many other such incidents.
There is no such thing as cheap grace at this point. Contemplating on the Last Four Things may be a useful tool for reflection at this point. Many people get stuck here and give up, falling back into old and even evil way of thinking. Acedia and other types of sloth strike the beginner with discouragement. But, one continues in faith. Remember, love is in the will, not the emotions. Those who think they can find God outside of suffering kid themselves. One can sense the Presence of God in all these trials, a quiet Presence, not yet perceptible to the entire person, as one is too full of sin yet to see the great inner mansions.
9. The will inclines to love Our Lord and longs to make some return to Him Who is so amiable, and Who has given so many proofs of His love, especially by His constant presence with the soul, which this faithful Lover never quits, ever accompanying it and giving it life and being. The understanding aids by showing that however many years life might last, no one could ever wish for a better friend than God; that the world is full of falsehood, and that the worldly pleasures pictured by the devil to the mind were but troubles and cares and annoyances in disguise.
10. Reason convinces the soul that as outside its interior castle are found neither peace nor security, it should cease to seek another home abroad, its own being full of riches that it can enjoy at will. Besides, it is not every one who, like itself, possesses all he needs within his own dwelling, and above all, such a Host, Who will give it all it can desire, unless, like the prodigal son, it chooses to go astray and feed with the swine. [66] Surely these arguments are strong enough to defeat the devil's wiles! But, O my God, how the force of worldly habits and the example of others who practise them ruin everything! Our faith is so dead that we trust less to its teaching than to what is visible, though, indeed, we see that worldly lives bring nothing but unhappiness. All this results from those venomous thoughts I described, which, unless we are very careful, will deform the soul as the sting of a viper poisons and swells the body.
God is allowing those of us who are seeking Him to live in these very difficult times. These times are a grace. The times of St.Teresa were frought with great difficulties as well. She herself faced opposition from supposedly good people. But, she wanted more than "good".
I have written much on the need to purify the imagination-watch whatever one reads or sees, as these are all possible means, ammunition for the demons to use against us as we try to persevere.
11. When this happens, great care is evidently needed to cure it, and only God's signal mercy prevents its resulting in death. Indeed, the soul passes through severe trials at this time, especially when the devil perceives from a person's character and behaviour that she is likely to make very great progress, for then all hell will league together to force her to turn back. O my Lord! what need there is here that, by Thy mercy, Thou shouldst prevent the soul from being deluded into forsaking the good begun! Enlighten it to see that its welfare consists in perseverance in the right way, and in the withdrawing from bad company.
Sometimes this bad company resides in one's own family. One must break away from old family habits which take one away from Christ, from the awareness of the Indwelling of the Holy Trinity. A friend of mine recently told me on the phone that we are alone in our walk with Christ. Too often, this is true. For those who have had the ability to find a community of those desiring perfection, such as a monastery or convent, or third order group, great help may be found among those good Catholics. Sadly, for many of us, we are alone on our journey, through no fault of our own except that God has not opened the door for us to live near others who so desire Him. This aloneness can be part of the deep suffering and even purification, as I mentioned yesterday. I encourage all my Dear Readers who have contacted me for prayers to persevere. You have these prayers.
12. It is of the utmost importance for the beginner to associate with those who lead a spiritual life, [67] and not only with those in the same mansion as herself, but with others who have travelled farther into the castle, who will aid her greatly and draw her to join them. The soul should firmly resolve never to submit to defeat, for if the devil sees it staunchly determined to lose life and comfort and all that he can offer, rather than return to the first mansion, he will the sooner leave it alone. I say to my many friends abroad and here who find themselves alone, be resolved. Basically, what I have written here multiple times is to forget about consolation. This lack of consolation purges the mind, soul, and body of desires. One comes to only want what God wills.
13. Let the Christian be valiant; let him not be like those who lay down to drink from the brook when they went to battle (I do not remember when). [68] Let him resolve to go forth to combat with the host of demons, and be convinced that there is no better weapon than the cross. I have already said, [69] yet it is of such importance that I repeat it here: let no one think on starting of the reward to be reaped: this would be a very ignoble way of commencing such a large and stately building. If built on sand it would soon fall down. [70] Souls who acted thus would continually suffer from discouragement and temptations, for in these mansions no manna rains; [71] farther on, the soul is pleased with all that comes, because it desires nothing but what God wills.
NO manna...people, from the words of the great saint herself.
14. What a farce it is! Here are we, with a thousand obstacles, drawbacks, and imperfections within ourselves, our virtues so newly born that they have scarcely the strength to act (and God grant that they exist at all!) yet we are not ashamed to expect sweetness in prayer and to complain of feeling dryness. [72] 15. Do not act thus, sisters; embrace the cross your Spouse bore on His shoulders; know that your motto should be: Most happy she who suffers most if it be for Christ!' [73] All else should be looked upon as secondary: if our Lord give it you, render Him grateful thanks. You may imagine you would be resolute in enduring external trials if God gave you interior consolations: His Majesty knows best what is good for us; it is not for us to advise Him how to treat us, for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. [74] Remember, it is of the greatest importance--the sole aim of one beginning to practise prayer should be to endure trials, and to resolve and strive to the utmost of her power to conform her own will to the will of God. [75] Be certain that in this consists all the greatest perfection to be attained in the spiritual life, as I will explain later. She who practises this most perfectly will receive from God the highest reward and is the farthest advanced on the right road. Do not imagine that we have need of a cabalistic formula or any other occult or mysterious thing to attain it our whole welfare consists in doing the will of God. If we start with the false principle of wishing God to follow our will and to lead us in the way we think best, upon what firm foundation can this spiritual edifice rest?
Consolation comes in the reasonable assessment of following Teresa or other's words. Just give up all the God. And He will let you find Him. But, God allows us to fall into venial sin sometimes to show us our predominant fault. By looking at how we sin and the sin which occurs over and over, one begins to sin this fault, or faults. The key is not to get discouraged and not to give up. I say, “God, help me to love you through all of these sufferings. Give me love for Your Self, as I cannot even love without Your grace.” Then, I keep going. This stage becomes the entrance into the Dark Night, and some of us have been in this Night for a very long time, according to God's Will, not ours. Sometimes, one hears God saying, “Peace, peace” in the midst of these battles.
Teresa states, ...therefore if you occasionally lapse into sin, do not lose heart and cease trying to advance, for God will draw good even out of our falls, like the merchant who sells theriac, who first takes poison, then the theriac, to prove the power of his elixir. [76] This combat would suffice to teach us to amend our habits if we realized our failings in no other way, and would show us the injury we receive from a life of dissipation. Can any evil be greater than that we find at home? What peace can we hope to find elsewhere, if we have none within us? What friends or kindred can be so close and intimate as the powers of our soul, which, whether we will or no, must ever bear us company? These seem to wage war on us as if they knew the harm our vices had wrought them. Peace, peace be unto you,' my sisters, as our Lord said, and many a time proclaimed to His Apostles. [77] Believe me, if we neither possess nor strive to obtain this peace at home, we shall never find it abroad.
Teresa also states that once we start on the way of recollection, of meditation, we cannot stop. My way of getting through the difficulties is to always remember that love is in the will, and not a feeling. I also remember to ask God to be with me the entire day, while doing chores, while shopping, while walking. In all things, God waits for us to ask Him to lead us on. At this point, one is only in the second mansions. But, the third brings new awareness of both grace and trials. There is no cheap grace in the way of perfection. And, to keep us humble, God reminds one of past sins, as He does with Teresa. She admits to past sins and the agony these cause her. This is one way God kept her humble, and each one of us as well.
5. His Majesty knows that I have nothing to rely upon but His mercy; as I cannot cancel the past, I have no other remedy but to flee to Him, and to confide in the merits of His Son and of His Virgin Mother, whose habit, unworthy as I am, I wear as you do also. Praise Him, then, my daughters, for making you truly daughters of our Lady, so that you need not blush for my wickedness as you have such a good Mother. Imitate her; think how great she must be and what a blessing it is for you to have her for a patroness, since my sins and evil character have brought no tarnish on the lustre of our holy Order.
6. Still I must give you one warning: be not too confident because you are nuns and the daughters of such a Mother. David was very holy, yet you know what Solomon became. [89] Therefore do not rely on your enclosure, on your penitential life, nor on your continual exercise of prayer and constant communion with God, nor trust in having left the world or in the idea that you hold its ways in horror. All this is good, but is not enough, as I have already said, to remove all fear; therefore meditate on this text and often recall it: 'Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord.' [90] 7. I do not recollect what I was saying, and have digressed very much: for when I think of myself my mind cannot soar to higher things but is like a bird with broken wings; so I will leave this subject for the present.
...
8. To return to what I began to explain about the souls which have entered the third mansions. God has shown them no small favour, but a very great one, in enabling them to pass through the first difficulties. Thanks to His mercy I believe there are many such people in the world: they are very desirous not to offend His Majesty even by venial sins, they love penance and spend hours in meditation, they employ their time well, exercise themselves in works of charity to their neighbours, are well-ordered in their conversation and dress, and those who own a household govern it well. This is certainly to be desired, and there appears no reason to forbid their entrance to the last mansions; nor will our Lord deny it them if they desire it, for this is the right disposition for receiving all His favours.
I stop here with Teresa today. I see many good people, especially those who read this blog, who are persevering in the way to find the Indwelling of the Trinity. More on this tomorrow. I am praying for all the good people who asked for perseverance in this way.
4. These souls hear our Lord calling them, for as they approach nearer to where His Majesty dwells He proves a loving Neighbour, though they may still be engaged in the amusements and business, the pleasures and vanities of this world. While in this state we continually fall into sin and rise again, for the creatures amongst whom we dwell are so venomous, so vicious, and so dangerous, that it is almost impossible to avoid being tripped up by them. Yet such are the pity and compassion of this Lord of ours, so desirous is He that we should seek Him and enjoy His company, that in one way or another He never ceases calling us to Him. So sweet is His voice, that the poor soul is disconsolate at being unable to follow His bidding at once, and therefore, as I said, suffers more than if it could not hear Him.
I say to those who have started this journey to take heart. I pray for those who have asked me to do so, as when one begins to sin again and again after trying so hard to avoid all sin, one needs to focus on the Dear Face of Christ, Who is All Good and full of compassion, especially for those of us who want to love Him as perfectly as we can. This trying causes sufferings, and if God removes Himself and all consolations, the way presents itself with more difficulties. One must persist in prayer and in recollection.
5. I do not mean that divine communications and inspirations received in this mansion are the same as those I shall describe later on; God here speaks to souls through words uttered by pious people, by sermons or good books, and in many other such ways. Sometimes He calls souls by means of sickness or troubles, or by some truth He teaches them during prayer, for tepid as they may be in seeking Him, yet God holds them very dear.
6. Do not think lightly, sisters, of this first grace, nor be downcast if you have not responded immediately to Our Lord's voice, for His Majesty is willing to wait for us many a day and even many a year, especially when He sees perseverance and good desires in our hearts. Perseverance is the first essential; with this we are sure to profit greatly. However, the devils now fiercely assault the soul in a thousand different ways: it suffers more than ever, because formerly it was mute and deaf, or at least could hear very little, and offered but feeble resistance, like one who has almost lost all hope of victory.
Vigilance must accompany prayer. The devil, who Christ calls “the Father of Lies” tries all sorts of things to bring one away from the persistence in prayer and penances. It is odd that some commentators do not like St. Teresa's writings on suffering. There is no way around this way if one wants to be purified. And, the world is not where one finds happiness, as this great saint reminds her daughters in the Faith.
7. Here, however, the understanding being more vigilant and the powers more on the alert, we cannot avoid hearing the fighting and cannonading around us. For now the devils set on us the reptiles, that is to say, thoughts about the world and its joys which they picture as unending; they remind us of the high esteem men held us in, of our friends and relations; they tell us how the penances which souls in this mansion always begin to wish to perform would injure our health: in fine, the evil spirits place a thousand impediments in the way.
8. O Jesus! What turmoil the devils cause in the poor soul! How unhappy it feels, not knowing whether to go forward or to return to the first mansion! On the other hand, reason shows it the delusion of overrating worldly things, while faith teaches what alone can satisfy its cravings. Memory reminds the soul how all earthly joys end, recalling the death of those who lived at ease; how some died suddenly and were soon forgotten, how others, once so prosperous, are now buried beneath the ground and men pass by the graves where they lie, the prey of worms, [65] while the mind recalls many other such incidents.
There is no such thing as cheap grace at this point. Contemplating on the Last Four Things may be a useful tool for reflection at this point. Many people get stuck here and give up, falling back into old and even evil way of thinking. Acedia and other types of sloth strike the beginner with discouragement. But, one continues in faith. Remember, love is in the will, not the emotions. Those who think they can find God outside of suffering kid themselves. One can sense the Presence of God in all these trials, a quiet Presence, not yet perceptible to the entire person, as one is too full of sin yet to see the great inner mansions.
9. The will inclines to love Our Lord and longs to make some return to Him Who is so amiable, and Who has given so many proofs of His love, especially by His constant presence with the soul, which this faithful Lover never quits, ever accompanying it and giving it life and being. The understanding aids by showing that however many years life might last, no one could ever wish for a better friend than God; that the world is full of falsehood, and that the worldly pleasures pictured by the devil to the mind were but troubles and cares and annoyances in disguise.
10. Reason convinces the soul that as outside its interior castle are found neither peace nor security, it should cease to seek another home abroad, its own being full of riches that it can enjoy at will. Besides, it is not every one who, like itself, possesses all he needs within his own dwelling, and above all, such a Host, Who will give it all it can desire, unless, like the prodigal son, it chooses to go astray and feed with the swine. [66] Surely these arguments are strong enough to defeat the devil's wiles! But, O my God, how the force of worldly habits and the example of others who practise them ruin everything! Our faith is so dead that we trust less to its teaching than to what is visible, though, indeed, we see that worldly lives bring nothing but unhappiness. All this results from those venomous thoughts I described, which, unless we are very careful, will deform the soul as the sting of a viper poisons and swells the body.
God is allowing those of us who are seeking Him to live in these very difficult times. These times are a grace. The times of St.Teresa were frought with great difficulties as well. She herself faced opposition from supposedly good people. But, she wanted more than "good".
I have written much on the need to purify the imagination-watch whatever one reads or sees, as these are all possible means, ammunition for the demons to use against us as we try to persevere.
11. When this happens, great care is evidently needed to cure it, and only God's signal mercy prevents its resulting in death. Indeed, the soul passes through severe trials at this time, especially when the devil perceives from a person's character and behaviour that she is likely to make very great progress, for then all hell will league together to force her to turn back. O my Lord! what need there is here that, by Thy mercy, Thou shouldst prevent the soul from being deluded into forsaking the good begun! Enlighten it to see that its welfare consists in perseverance in the right way, and in the withdrawing from bad company.
Sometimes this bad company resides in one's own family. One must break away from old family habits which take one away from Christ, from the awareness of the Indwelling of the Holy Trinity. A friend of mine recently told me on the phone that we are alone in our walk with Christ. Too often, this is true. For those who have had the ability to find a community of those desiring perfection, such as a monastery or convent, or third order group, great help may be found among those good Catholics. Sadly, for many of us, we are alone on our journey, through no fault of our own except that God has not opened the door for us to live near others who so desire Him. This aloneness can be part of the deep suffering and even purification, as I mentioned yesterday. I encourage all my Dear Readers who have contacted me for prayers to persevere. You have these prayers.
12. It is of the utmost importance for the beginner to associate with those who lead a spiritual life, [67] and not only with those in the same mansion as herself, but with others who have travelled farther into the castle, who will aid her greatly and draw her to join them. The soul should firmly resolve never to submit to defeat, for if the devil sees it staunchly determined to lose life and comfort and all that he can offer, rather than return to the first mansion, he will the sooner leave it alone. I say to my many friends abroad and here who find themselves alone, be resolved. Basically, what I have written here multiple times is to forget about consolation. This lack of consolation purges the mind, soul, and body of desires. One comes to only want what God wills.
13. Let the Christian be valiant; let him not be like those who lay down to drink from the brook when they went to battle (I do not remember when). [68] Let him resolve to go forth to combat with the host of demons, and be convinced that there is no better weapon than the cross. I have already said, [69] yet it is of such importance that I repeat it here: let no one think on starting of the reward to be reaped: this would be a very ignoble way of commencing such a large and stately building. If built on sand it would soon fall down. [70] Souls who acted thus would continually suffer from discouragement and temptations, for in these mansions no manna rains; [71] farther on, the soul is pleased with all that comes, because it desires nothing but what God wills.
NO manna...people, from the words of the great saint herself.
14. What a farce it is! Here are we, with a thousand obstacles, drawbacks, and imperfections within ourselves, our virtues so newly born that they have scarcely the strength to act (and God grant that they exist at all!) yet we are not ashamed to expect sweetness in prayer and to complain of feeling dryness. [72] 15. Do not act thus, sisters; embrace the cross your Spouse bore on His shoulders; know that your motto should be: Most happy she who suffers most if it be for Christ!' [73] All else should be looked upon as secondary: if our Lord give it you, render Him grateful thanks. You may imagine you would be resolute in enduring external trials if God gave you interior consolations: His Majesty knows best what is good for us; it is not for us to advise Him how to treat us, for He has the right to tell us that we know not what we ask. [74] Remember, it is of the greatest importance--the sole aim of one beginning to practise prayer should be to endure trials, and to resolve and strive to the utmost of her power to conform her own will to the will of God. [75] Be certain that in this consists all the greatest perfection to be attained in the spiritual life, as I will explain later. She who practises this most perfectly will receive from God the highest reward and is the farthest advanced on the right road. Do not imagine that we have need of a cabalistic formula or any other occult or mysterious thing to attain it our whole welfare consists in doing the will of God. If we start with the false principle of wishing God to follow our will and to lead us in the way we think best, upon what firm foundation can this spiritual edifice rest?
Consolation comes in the reasonable assessment of following Teresa or other's words. Just give up all the God. And He will let you find Him. But, God allows us to fall into venial sin sometimes to show us our predominant fault. By looking at how we sin and the sin which occurs over and over, one begins to sin this fault, or faults. The key is not to get discouraged and not to give up. I say, “God, help me to love you through all of these sufferings. Give me love for Your Self, as I cannot even love without Your grace.” Then, I keep going. This stage becomes the entrance into the Dark Night, and some of us have been in this Night for a very long time, according to God's Will, not ours. Sometimes, one hears God saying, “Peace, peace” in the midst of these battles.
Teresa states, ...therefore if you occasionally lapse into sin, do not lose heart and cease trying to advance, for God will draw good even out of our falls, like the merchant who sells theriac, who first takes poison, then the theriac, to prove the power of his elixir. [76] This combat would suffice to teach us to amend our habits if we realized our failings in no other way, and would show us the injury we receive from a life of dissipation. Can any evil be greater than that we find at home? What peace can we hope to find elsewhere, if we have none within us? What friends or kindred can be so close and intimate as the powers of our soul, which, whether we will or no, must ever bear us company? These seem to wage war on us as if they knew the harm our vices had wrought them. Peace, peace be unto you,' my sisters, as our Lord said, and many a time proclaimed to His Apostles. [77] Believe me, if we neither possess nor strive to obtain this peace at home, we shall never find it abroad.
Teresa also states that once we start on the way of recollection, of meditation, we cannot stop. My way of getting through the difficulties is to always remember that love is in the will, and not a feeling. I also remember to ask God to be with me the entire day, while doing chores, while shopping, while walking. In all things, God waits for us to ask Him to lead us on. At this point, one is only in the second mansions. But, the third brings new awareness of both grace and trials. There is no cheap grace in the way of perfection. And, to keep us humble, God reminds one of past sins, as He does with Teresa. She admits to past sins and the agony these cause her. This is one way God kept her humble, and each one of us as well.
5. His Majesty knows that I have nothing to rely upon but His mercy; as I cannot cancel the past, I have no other remedy but to flee to Him, and to confide in the merits of His Son and of His Virgin Mother, whose habit, unworthy as I am, I wear as you do also. Praise Him, then, my daughters, for making you truly daughters of our Lady, so that you need not blush for my wickedness as you have such a good Mother. Imitate her; think how great she must be and what a blessing it is for you to have her for a patroness, since my sins and evil character have brought no tarnish on the lustre of our holy Order.
6. Still I must give you one warning: be not too confident because you are nuns and the daughters of such a Mother. David was very holy, yet you know what Solomon became. [89] Therefore do not rely on your enclosure, on your penitential life, nor on your continual exercise of prayer and constant communion with God, nor trust in having left the world or in the idea that you hold its ways in horror. All this is good, but is not enough, as I have already said, to remove all fear; therefore meditate on this text and often recall it: 'Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord.' [90] 7. I do not recollect what I was saying, and have digressed very much: for when I think of myself my mind cannot soar to higher things but is like a bird with broken wings; so I will leave this subject for the present.
...
8. To return to what I began to explain about the souls which have entered the third mansions. God has shown them no small favour, but a very great one, in enabling them to pass through the first difficulties. Thanks to His mercy I believe there are many such people in the world: they are very desirous not to offend His Majesty even by venial sins, they love penance and spend hours in meditation, they employ their time well, exercise themselves in works of charity to their neighbours, are well-ordered in their conversation and dress, and those who own a household govern it well. This is certainly to be desired, and there appears no reason to forbid their entrance to the last mansions; nor will our Lord deny it them if they desire it, for this is the right disposition for receiving all His favours.
I stop here with Teresa today. I see many good people, especially those who read this blog, who are persevering in the way to find the Indwelling of the Trinity. More on this tomorrow. I am praying for all the good people who asked for perseverance in this way.
More later