Christianus alter Christus Among The Boxes

As I sit in a little room surrounded by boxes packed and half-packed, putting things back into storage I so happily took out and rediscovered a mere few weeks ago, I am reminded that I am still in the night of the soul. This process is extremely painful for me. It is not that the things represent me, but that the lack of permanency brings purgatory onto this patch of earth.

This night may be years as a journey, as I am not as generous or intelligent as St. John of the Cross, who seems to have gone through both the dark night of the senses and the dark night of the spirit in about nine months.

Some saints take longer to make this climb to illumination than others, which is my hope. My hope is in the Lord, Who went before me into darkness, the darkness of death in His Passion. This night of the soul is no different than that Passion, except in the smallness of my heart and soul, I cannot become another Christ, without His great help.

In the night of the senses, all joy in physical human things and persons eludes one. In the night of the senses, one is in purgatory on earth. Unless God helps one become another Christ, one remains mediocre. Unless one yields to the pain of purgation, one does not enter heaven or perceive Christ's great love.

But, what I am really experiencing is Christ suffering in and through me and His Sacrifice purifies me as He joins His suffering with me. I have to let Him suffer in and through me. This is my salvation.

No one can compare one's sufferings with another's, Suffering is not quantifiable. One can only rejoice in one's own weaknesses and insignificance, as St. Therese of Lisieux wrote. To become nothing is to let Christ become all, and then, and only then, does the Christian become Christ in the world, Christianus alter Christus.

These boxes remind me of failures, itineracy, the lack of stable prayer times, the lack of family and even permanent communal support necessary to live in the heart of any community. Always, I end up like a ship passing through, (yes, with many friends waving on the shore), but only to leave again, not even knowing to where the tide will take me.

The night of the senses has left me with practically nothing on which to rely, which is the whole point of this dark night. The night of the spirit leads to a more ruthless purging of even gifts, which are not allowed to be used, or deep loves, which cannot be expressed. The only thing left is the longing for Christ, as the bride seeks the Bridegroom until He is willing to be found.

Distant are the moments of love and trust, as I sit surrounded by boxes of books, clothes, and papers The chapel has been taken down weeks ago, and the remnants of it put away, with only one large icon and one statue left on, yes, a box, and a dresser.

But, God is Creativity. When St. Benedict Labre was not allowed to join a community, he created, with the Holy Spirit, his own way to God, pilgrimaging throughout Europe, until he got to Rome and collapsed, dying at the young age of 35. He is a patron of the homeless, beggars, and the mentally ill. He is a one-of-a-kind saint. I do not believe he was mentally ill, but found joy in the humility of being misunderstood by those who did not and still, do not, understand the fool for Christ. A great sign of humility is the ability to rejoice in being misunderstood.

Those who want to follow Christ do so in many different ways, and, it is not one's own way, but God's way. What the world needs is known to God, not to us. We can imagine, in the narcissism of our gifts and talents what we think the world needs, but God has other ideas. God fashions us to be saints according to His ideal, not one's own.

Three people experienced this dark night of the spirit in Scripture, and we have their words.

The most obvious is Job, who lost everything in the dark night of the senses, and then was misunderstood and falsely reprimanded by friends in his dark night of the spirit, when God seemed far away, indeed. Job had to come to complete trust in God, complete surrender, and God dealt with those who tried to put Job into their own boxes of what holiness should look like.

Job 42 Douay-Rheims 

42 Then Job answered the Lord, and said:

2 I know that thou canst do all things, and no thought is hid from thee.

3 Who is this that hideth counsel without knowledge? Therefore I have spoken unwisely, and things that above measure exceeded my knowledge.

4 Hear, and I will speak: I will ask thee, and do thou tell me.

5 With the hearing of the ear, I have heard thee, but now my eye seeth thee.

6 Therefore I reprehend myself, and do penance in dust and ashes.

The second person who one sees in the dark night of the spirit is the bride in the Song of Songs.

Song of Solomon 3 Douay-Rheims 

3 In my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and found him not.

2 I will rise, and will go about the city: in the streets and the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and I found him not.

3 The watchmen who keep the city, found me: Have you seen him, whom my soul loveth?

She had experienced love, but lost the first flames of consolation. Therefore, she must look for Love, Who hides from her until she is ready to find Him. She must seek the Beloved until He lets her find out where He really is.

The third person one can identify as in the dark night of the spirit is St. Paul. His conversion brought him into the dark night of the senses, literally, as he was temporarily blinded for three days, in keeping with Christ's three days in the tomb. But, after his cure, Paul went into the desert, to Mt. Sinai, for as long as ten years, and later wrote this in Galatians 4:

22 For it is written that Abraham had two sons: the one by a bondwoman, and the other by a free woman.

23 But he who was of the bondwoman, was born according to the flesh: but he of the free woman, was by promise.

24 Which things are said by an allegory. For these are the two testaments. The one from mount Sinai, engendering unto bondage; which is Agar:

25 For Sina is a mountain in Arabia, which hath affinity to that Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children.

26 But that Jerusalem, which is above, is free: which is our mother.

27 For it is written: Rejoice, thou barren, that bearest not: break forth and cry, thou that travailest not: for many are the children of the desolate, more than of her that hath a husband.

28 Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise.

29 But as then he, that was born according to the flesh, persecuted him that was after the spirit; so also it is now.

30 But what saith the scripture? Cast out the bondwoman and her son; for the son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with the son of the free woman.

31 So then, brethren, we are not the children of the bondwoman, but of the free: by the freedom wherewith Christ has made us free.

Now, Hagar represents the flesh, Sarah's bad will, and Ishmael the child of the flesh, while Sarah represents the spirit, when she trusted God, and Isaac the child of the spirit. St. Paul went into Arabia, to Mt. Sinai, the place of Moses' reception of the Law. This was no accident. 

There, St. Paul learned, through the long purification of his soul, the difference between living by the Law and living in the Spirit. This is exactly what he preached with such clarity, and he learned it the hard way, as so many of us do, by enduring purgation of sin, and the destruction of the predominant fault. Then, God allowed Himself to be found. In this finding, Paul experienced great freedom. He is the theologian of this freedom. Isaac represents the covenant of love, and the New Jerusalem, not the old, which was destroyed in 70 A.D., --the old represents the lack of covenant love. St. Paul in the desert moved from this purgation of his soul to illumination, about which he wrote later. This is a true description of a man who has moved out of purgation, out of both dark nights, into the illumination state, and then union.

2 Corinthians 12 Douay-Rheims 

12 If I must glory (it is not expedient indeed), but I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord.

2 I know a man in Christ above fourteen years ago (whether in the body, I know not, or out of the body, I know not; God knoweth), such a one caught up to the third heaven.

3 And I know such a man (whether in the body, or out of the body, I know not: God knoweth),

4 That he was caught up into paradise, and heard secret words, which it is not granted to man to utter.

5 For such an one I will glory; but for myself I will glory nothing, but in my infirmities.

6 For though I should have a mind to glory, I shall not be foolish; for I will say the truth. But I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth in me, or any thing he heareth from me.

7 And lest the greatness of the revelations should exalt me, there was given me a sting of my flesh, an angel of Satan, to buffet me.

8 For which thing thrice I besought the Lord, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for thee; for power is made perfect in infirmity. Gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

10 For which cause I please myself in my infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ. For when I am weak, then am I powerful.

11 I am become foolish: you have compelled me. For I ought to have been commended by you: for I have no way come short of them that are above measure apostles, although I be nothing.

12 Yet the signs of my apostleship have been wrought on you, in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds.

And, yet, God allowed him to suffer something which was painful. What form this infirmity took does not matter, But, like the limp of Jacob, this physical suffering remained a sign of St. Paul's encounter with God. One is wounded when one encounters God, never to be the same again. When one wrestles with God for the blessing of illumination and union, one is wounded. One must be.

That St. Paul's night of the spirit may have lasted ten years gives me hope, for he is a great saint, and I shall be content with being a little saint. However, what St. Benedict Labre knew, and what St. Paul knew, and what Job learned, and what the bride learned is that some of us cannot be anything but extreme-either extremely good or extremely bad. God took them to the edge, and there, they found Him.

Such is the lesson I learn in my box-room. God literally boxes me in so that I have to face my own sin and imperfections in order to make my small heart larger so that He can reside there comfortably. This box-room is on the edge of new life, like a dry oasis, a mirage, of something greater to come.

This little prison of transience, shows me again and again, that this world passes, is temporary, but that God's life is eternal.

I knew as a young person that I loved the things of this world too dearly-nature, music, people, animals, even God's own presence in the things He created. I walked in love. I always experienced things deeply. People noticed this. I loved love. To be weaned from such a love of creation, which is overwhelming, and the love which comes from the sensitivities of a thinker, a writer, a poet and a painter, I have had to be draw into the ugliness of nothingness in order to see the God Within. My God is the God of the Passion, the God of the desert.

He is here, among the boxes and detritus of my life, waiting, while He takes me through this stage of the dark night.

Father Ripperger reminds us all in his talks that few people realize that they are far from true holiness. Today, as I move into a smaller and smaller place to walk and even write, I am aware of this need to be violently honest with the self in order to move on. The walk is not over, but I am on the way...

The one persistent myth which has spoken to me has been that of Psyche, who had Love, the god of love, and lost him through disobedience and a lack of trust, only to have to endure the punishments and trials of Aphrodite, who was jealous of her, but also to prove Love that she, Psyche, could love. Because of her journey and persistence to find love, Psyche was allowed to become a goddess herself. Psyche means soul, and this tale is very much like the journey of the dark night of the spirit, where impossible trials are overcome with both grace and determination, in an atmosphere of the complete lack of consolation. One keeps walking. One does not give up seeking Love.

The immortal soul must find love and live in love. Love has a name, Jesus Christ. But, one must suffer.

This is my hope..that Christ allows me to suffer in and with Him, and in this suffering, I shall find Him, as He is here among the boxes.

Musings on The Holy Land

In my life, I have been many places, but never have I been to the Holy Land. I am not a tour-taker, but tend to go to a foreign land and stake out a place, then make my own way through the places I have wanted to see.

My peripatetic lifestyle continues, as God has not put me down somewhere yet, so today, I have been musing on the wildflowers of the Holy Land. Sometimes I feel like a wildflower.

I wonder whether these flowers, prominent in a book I have from the early 1960s, which was a reprint of a much older book, exist after all the wars and turmoil of building?

The Cornflower, for example, resembles the North American, and even the British Cornflower. In my home state, unless farmers kill them for more land, these grow on the edge of fields, adding a nice blue hem to large tracts of corn and soybeans.

The so-called "lily of the field" is not a lily, but a deep red Scarlet Anemone. Resembling a poppy, this would be an "exotica" for me to see.

The Jerusalem Crowfoot reminds me of my beloved buttercup, which grows along streams in Surrey and Sussex, as well as other places, literally hanging over the cool water like votives of the pool.

Of course, the Narcissus grow almost everywhere both in England and in North America. Some think this lovely flower is the "Rose of Sharon" mentioned in the Bible. If so, I would love to see it in its Holy Land setting.

I have seen Pomegranate plants, and had one is a garden in England, which was not an edible one, but purely an ornamental one. The flower is bright red. Of course, this is mentioned in the Old Testament several times.

Lupins, especially the blue variety, are also common in England. Apparently these grow in Galilee.

Morning Glories are considered weeds by many in the Midwest of America, where this flower grows almost everywhere there is a space. But, in the Holy Land, it reminds one of the the grain fields and Christ's parables on the wheat and tares, if you remember my post on tares.....

Tulips grow in the Holy Land, as I learned from this little book. Bright red, these command attention, as do the poppies and anemones found there.

Vetchling grows in Iowa and in England. And, it grows in the Holy Land, but not blue, as it is here.

Purple vetch grows right outside my window, but I would love to see the bright orangish variety of the Holy Land. Imagine the purple and orange growing side-by-side.

But, of course, my favorite would be the Thicket Rose, a wild rose very similar to the wild rose of Iowa, the official flower of that state, as well as Alberta, Canada. The Thicket Rose in the Holy Land is a trailing rose, like another one of my favorites in England, the City of York, only second to the climber Iceberg. I like the old roses best, but for climbers, would have those two.

I wonder today, as I think of the Holy Land, whether I shall ever get a chance to see the flowers where Christ walked?

When I was in Tyburn in Cobh, I walked and prayed daily in the Bible Garden the nuns planted. That was a real treat, as all the flowers, shrubs and trees therein were mentioned in the Bible.

Happy days....I remember these walks as if I had been there yesterday.

A Reminder of Providence

Mendicant is a polite word for beggar. Today, the Church celebrates the life and death of a beggar and homeless man, St. Benedict Labre. He is one of my personal patrons.

I would rather be in Rome, however, God places us where He wants us to be.

I identify with this man who could not make the physical grade to be a monk. I wish I could visit all the wonderful pilgrimage places he did in his very short life.

As the patron of the homeless, St. Benedict Labre, like other fools for Christ, wandered through Europe praying and helping others. Sadly, today, God's fools are not admire anymore and even, in some states here, made into criminals.

St. Benedict Labre may be seen as a "man of Providence".

As we head into chaos and persecution in the Church, it behooves us to recall the definitions of Providence. Garrigou-Lagrange in his book by this name, already reviewed on this blog quite a while ago, reminds us of three points regarding Providence.

My comments in blue...

Why we should abandon ourselves to divine providence

The answer of every Christian will be that the reason lies in the wisdom and goodness of Providence. This is very true; nevertheless, if we are to have a proper understanding of the subject, if we are to avoid the error of the Quietists in renouncing more or less the virtue of hope and the struggle necessary for salvation, if we are to avoid also the other extreme of disquiet, precipitation, and a feverish, fruitless agitation, it is expedient for us to lay down four principles already somewhat accessible to natural reason and clearly set forth in revelation as found in Scripture. These principles underlying the true doctrine of self-abandonment, also bring out the motive inspiring it.

 See my posts on Quietism...but remember that these people just give up and neither hope nor work for their salvation "in fear and trembling". 

One can also become fixated on a particular sin or vice an forget that go is in charge of giving us the grace to combat sin.

The first of these principles is that everything which comes to pass has been foreseen by God from all eternity, and has been willed or at least permitted by Him.

Nothing comes to pass either in the material or in the spiritual world, but God has foreseen it from all eternity; because with Him there ii no passing from ignorance to knowledge as with us, and He has nothing to learn from events as they occur. Not only has God foreseen everything that is happening now or will happen in the future, but whatever reality and goodness there is in these things He has willed; and whatever evil or moral disorder is in them, He has merely permitted. Holy Scripture is explicit on this point, and, as the councils have declared, no room is left for doubt in the matter.

Most people understand this first principle, that God has known from all eternity all that happens. 

He wills good and permits evil, as all humans have free will, and for His Glory.

The second principle is that nothing can be willed or permitted by God that does not contribute to the end He purposed in creating, which is the manifestation of His goodness and infinite perfections, and the glory of the God-man Jesus Christ, His only Son. As St. Paul says (I Cor. 2: 23), "All are yours. And you are Christ's. And Christ is God's."

This glory and the revelation of God's goodness and all His attributes, are the goal of the will of God, either perfect or permissive.

In addition to these two principles, there is a third, which St. Paul states thus (Rom. 8:28) : "We know that to them that love God all things work together unto good: to such as, according to His purpose, are called to be saints" and persevere in His love. God sees to it that everything contributes to their spiritual welfare, not only the grace He bestows on them, not only those natural qualities He endows them with, but sickness too, and contradictions and reverses; as St. Augustine tells us, even their very sins, which God only permits in order to lead them on to a truer humility and thereby to a purer love. It was thus He permitted the threefold denial of St. Peter, to make the great Apostle more humble, more mistrustful of self, and by this very means become stronger and trust more in the divine mercy.

A reader noted that the posts on hell were particularly good on the day I had the flu. Being ill reminds me of my mortality and causes me to consider my end. Hence, the posts on hell. Also, when one is not feeling well, one is more aware of the passing of time, than when one is busy. Time sits heavy on the sick, and leads, or should lead, to reflection. God allows illness to help each one of us move in some way towards perfection.

One's personal salvation may be seen as tied up, intricately, with whatever happens in one's life, for good or for evil. The evil a person chooses, the good God directs.

These first three principles may therefore be summed up in this way: Nothing comes to pass but God has foreseen it, willed it or at least permitted it. He wills nothing, permits nothing, unless for the manifestation of His goodness and infinite perfections, for the glory of His Son, and the welfare of those that love Him. In view of these three principles, it is evident that our trust in Providence cannot be too childlike, too steadfast. Indeed, we may go further and say that this trust in Providence should be blind as is our faith, the object of which is those mysteries that are non-evident and unseen (fides est de non visis) for we are certain beforehand that Providence is directing all things infallibly to a good purpose, and we are more convinced of the rectitude of His designs than we are of the best of our own intentions. Therefore, in abandoning ourselves to God, all we have to fear is that our submission will not be wholehearted enough. [54]

When I complained to STS that I had to move again and was tired of this lifestyle, he noted that God was giving me lots of practice in trusting Divine Providence. As a person who has been too much in control, in the past, of my own life, to give all to God has been a challenge. Being pushed to rely on God for everything means that I am developing this childlike trust, and that His intentions are superior to mine, of course. This does not mean that one stops acting, of course not. In fact, a priest told me recently that I must make my needs known. Because sharing these creates negative responses in people most of the time, I pull back and hesitate. But, I must be obedient to the state in which God has designed to put me-that of a beggar, like St. Benedict Labre, whose feast is today.

One cannot trust in Divine Providence too much. And in times of stress, chaos, and persecution, when human aid disappears, trust in Divine Providence alone becomes essential for the Catholic.

Trusting in Divine Providence absolutely means "blind trust". One knows nothing of the whats, whens, wheres, hows, whys....

But, God has a design and a plan, which will come to completion in His time, not ours.

to be continued...the next post on this theme will be on the fourth principle concerning Providence.

Shipwrecked

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conversion_of_Saint_Paul_(Caravaggio)#mediaviewer/File:The_Conversion_of_Saint_Paul-Caravaggio_(c._1600-1).jpg

One of the things which one learns from St. Paul, is, of course, that we all have different gifts. We are not all called to do the same jobs in the Kingdom of God.

Those who are not spiritual, do not understand this and want everyone to do the same things.

Some people are teachers, deacons, priests, nuns, sisters, moms, dads, mechanics, doctors, and so on.

Some people are called to have special needs, either mental or physical.

Some people are rich and some are poor. Some are middle class.

Some are black, some white, some red, some yellow, as in the classic divisions of the races.

What we are all called to be is to be saints. Few are actually saints. I have met some saints in my lifetime and they have all been young, under fifty.

Most have been under forty. Some have been in their twenties.

Saints are people who have allowed God to purify them, strip away the predominant fault, and have been filled with God's love. I know five in Ireland. I know several in England. I know several in America.

I hear some Christians criticizing those who are not doing a certain job in the Church. As we are all called to work in different ways, there is no need for this discrimination or criticisms.

I can think of saints who were called to very narrow social groups, saints like Faustina, or Therese, the Little Flower, or Pier Giorgio Frassati, who died because he was being ignored by his own family.

Some saints have been called to a slightly larger grouping, like Cardinal Newman or Thomas More.

Some saints have been called to international ministries, such as Bernard of Clairvaux or Catherine of Siena, or John Paul II.

We all have something to do in the Church Militant. No job is too small and no job is too big.

What is important is that in our small or large spheres, we make a difference.

How do we do this? But choosing perfection and the road to perfection--that makes the difference.

I was thinking of how St. Paul was shipwrecked on Malta. Because God allowed Paul to petition to be tried in Rome, as was his right, because God allowed a storm, all of Malta became Catholic at one point.

A shipwreck was part of his ministry.

Do you ever think that something which goes wrong, a tragedy or a failure may be part of a ministry?

As those who read my blog know, for three full years plus, I have been moving about, staying with friends, as I have not had a permanent home. Some call me indigent, some homeless, some a missionary.

God is in charge. Most people look down on me and now, I am almost getting use to this. The almost means I am still proud, and not humble.

God is in charge. I have lost count of the jobs to which I have applied. I have lost track of the letters I have written to those in power for help.

One thing I do know is that God uses every moment I give Him and I have given Him my entire life.

The other day, one of my holy young friends said to me, "Maybe you are supposed to be moving around like this." I did not want to hear that. No, I did not.

Many years ago, (1983), someone I love dearly said to me, "Your life does not make sense without God." St. John Paul II said something similar in his book, Sign of Contradiction. He said that man can only understand himself with reference to God.

God is creative. He is Creativity. Perhaps in His Creativity, He calls some to be signs that materialism and consumerism are not "it".

The Catholic, each Catholic, is called to be a sign of contradiction in the world. My state is merely extreme.

St. Xenia of St. Petersburg chose to be a Fool for Christ after the death of her husband. She chose poverty and constant pilgrimage.

It was not thrust upon her. Therein lies her sanctity.

If you need or want the following, pray to St. Xenia as she is patron of employment, marriage, the homeless, for fires, for missing children, and for a spouse. (It is interesting that my nickname given to me by my students long ago was Zena).

Here are the hymns for her day, February 6th.

Troparion (Tone 4)

Having renounced the vanity of the earthly world,

Thou didst take up the cross of a homeless life of wandering;

Thou didst not fear grief, privation, nor the mockery of men,

And didst know the love of Christ.

Now taking sweet delight of this love in Heaven,

O Xenia, the blessed and divinely wise,

Pray for the salvation of our souls.

Troparion (Tone 8)

In you, O mother was carefully preserved what is according to the image.

For you took up the Cross and followed Christ.

By so doing, you taught us to disregard the flesh for it passes away,

But to care instead for the soul since it is immortal.

Therefore, O Blessed Xenia, your spirit rejoices with the Angels.

Kontakion (Tone 3)

Having been as a wandering stranger on earth,

sighing for the heavenly homeland,

thou wast known as a fool by the senseless and unbelieving,

but as most wise and holy by the faithful,

and wast crowned by God with glory and honor,

O Xenia, courageous and divinely wise.

Therefore, we cry to thee:

Rejoice, for after earthly wandering thou hast come to dwell in the Father’s house.

Kontakion (Tone 7)

Having loved the poverty of Christ,

You are now being satisfied at the Immortal Banquet.

By the humility of the Cross, you received the power of God.

Having acquired the gift of miraculous help, O Blessed Xenia,

Beseech Christ God, that by repentance

We may be delivered from every evil thing.

I am not sure why God has allowed my foolish life, but I have met wonderful people. I have met saints who help me be a better person. I have not had to live on the street or be in a homeless shelter because of excellent friends. But, I have had to move on.

I only hope I make a difference, but then, that may not be part of this journey. I may never know this or anything else about my life which makes sense until I die. But, I do trust entirely in Divine Providence. I did not ask for this lifestyle, nor do I like it. In fact, I have hated my crazy life, which is a good sign. I have not hated myself, of course, but this peripatetic manner of living.

People want me to do this or that, but I cannot make things happen. This is the great lie of America. One can try and try and still be poor. God is in charge. One works as hard as one can and then, one trusts in God. People get nervous, sometimes, around me, as they sense that they, too, could fall through the cracks, could be poor, could be displaced. But, those who trust in God do not get nervous.

I am resigned to this now, and trust in God.

John 12:25Douay-Rheims 

^{25 ..}. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world, keepeth it unto life eternal.

I am a little homebody who loves simplicity, stability and security. I would love to be protected and special, to someone, but I am not. I am only special to God. In other words, I am a normal Christian woman.

I have prayed for years for my own little place and some way to make a small income. This has not happened despite my best efforts and despite some who have tried to help me in publishing, for example.

God is in charge.

Earlier this year, I said that in years to come, because of anarchy and tyranny, there will be many displaced persons.

Will you open your door to those people? Will you be so fearful that you could not open your house to a stranger?


Every Friday, I pray the Litany of Humility. I have put it on the blog before... here it is again.

And, here again, is a picture of Benedict Labre, one of my patrons. God is serious about this walk of humility. He is so serious, He allows us to be in situations which humble us.

To be very poor in America is truly humbling. To be very poor among fellow educated people becomes humbling, as those cannot understand or face failure.

To be very poor among people who judge poverty as a result of great sin is simply part of the deal.

Only the Russians of old knew that the indigenous fool was chosen by God to remind them of their mortality.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

By the way, if someone wants to get me St. John Paul II's book, Sign of Contradiction, I would love to read the whole thing, and not merely excerpts.

More posts on the same theme....somewhere, in a box in Silvis, I have an icon similar to this one of Basil of Moscow. I bought it a long time ago.

http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2014/07/fools-for-christ.html
http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/11/will-blog-on-friday-but.html
http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/11/signs-of-contradiction-in-world.html
http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/11/moving-to-st-ignatius-of-loyola.html
http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/07/the-lord-of-prism.html
http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/06/aquinas-series-continuedon-job.html