Psalm 141:5 Let a righteous man strike me--that is a kindness; let him rebuke me--that is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it, for my prayer will still be against the deeds of evildoers.
Matthew 18:15 "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
Sal in the comment box pointed out an excellent nuance on complaining vs. addressing errors.
Here are some hints. And, be prepared for negative responses. Thankfully, I have moved quite a bit and am an old person, that these situations cannot be pinpointed.
1) If I have a problem with a priest, where I attend Mass regularly, and not just now and then--in other words, if the priest knows me, and if he is, for example, not saying the NO correctly (such are using the older form, which is now illegal), I would go to that priest directly and not talk about this in the community; or, if a priest is allowing a person in an irregular marriage to come to be a lector, or EMHC, or receive Communion, as one has to be a Catholic in good standing for that, I would talk to the person first, and then, the priest. These situations cause scandal in the community, but, believe it or not, some priests do not know what the laity may know about someone. A priest was grateful to know of a situation like this years ago, and asked the person to step down from ministry and apply for an annulment. It was a huge parish, and the priest knew less about people's lives than we all did. But, always talk to the person, and the priest first. Sadly, one priest had told me this type of thing does not matter, even though the parish was being scandalized, concerning false teaching in the marriage course concerning contraception and re-marriage. I moved out of that parish, as did one other couple who were involved, as I was, in RCIA and marriage prep. The priest was so disobedient to Church teaching and allowing disobedient Catholics to teach, I could no longer work with him.
A few more hints....
2) If a problem of liturgical abuse persists with a priest, I would talk with the priest first, then, if the abuse continues, write to the bishop, and tell the priest that I am writing to the bishop. If this is a one-off problem, I let it drop.
Galatians 6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
3) If a sister or brother in the Lord whom I know well is sinning seriously, I tell that person directly. For example, last summer, I told someone in Walsingham about the dangers of The Warning site and how she should not be passing out print outs in the National Shrine. She contradicted me, and ignored me. But, I did my duty. I am going to have to talk to some one soon about another false ministry, which is not Catholic, heretical, dangerous, and which she is about to enter. I pray and fast even before doing so if the situation is serious.
4) If a person is in a Catholic marriage, but divorced, and I know them very well, such as a brother or sister in the Lord dating without an annulment and going to Mass and Communion, I speak to him or her directly. Same is true if someone is contracepting, or using IVF. But, I would only speak to those I knew very well. I had to do this recently, again. Sadly, the person is ignoring me about this situation, but she knows I care about her, but she wants to date without an annulment.
2 Thessalonians 3:15 Yet do not regard them as an enemy, but warn them as you would a fellow believer.
5) In all these things, I would never talk about these situations with other people except those involved. That is gossip.
Complaining is talking about one's suffering instead of bearing it for one's sins or for purification. Complaining is dissing other people behind their back and this is also calumny. Complaining about one's pastor, without speaking to him if there are problems, is a sin. But, be prepared for negative responses, as I got when talking to a priest I know very well about the lack of following the rules for baptismal prep. He basically told me to shut-up, and that he did not care about the guidelines. Another priest was passing out Communion to non-Catholics, and I addressed this. Again, this priest told me he did not consider this a problem. I wrote to the bishop, and the bishop intervened, and wrote letters to every priest in the diocese that there was absolutely no inter-communion with non-Catholics. But, I lost my job....be prepared.
In all these things, souls are in danger of being lost. If I fail speaking out of love, I give the situation and person to God and FORGET ABOUT IT.
Remember, this week, I published the spiritual works of mercy: one is to admonish sinners and another is to instruct the ignorant.
I do these things only if necessary, but years ago, when I was far away from the Church, a good nun told me the truth about my life, and I repented. This is our job as baptized Catholics, to really love one another, and not be sentimental.
Always pray, and love all involved.
