Instincts and More On The Eve of My Birthday

About two and a half weeks ago, I sensed a huge shift in evil and good in and over Malta and Europe. Something happened. This instinct is not based on the increased persecution of the Christians by the Muslims, nor the saber-rattling of the Russians, which have the Poles, Finns, and Lithuanians nervous.

God has allowed something to change, and we have been warned for a long time about the last, great tribulation of the Church.  He is removing His protective Hand and allowing Satan a time to sift us all.  I have written some fiction based on three days of visions I saw in the summer of 2008, some of which was verified by two other people, one who lived hundreds of miles away. As you know, I am not into private revelations, and believe that God merely inspires our imaginations. But, I was first warned by a small voice, in French, which is interesting. to pay attention to what was going to be shown to me over the next three days at the time. Again, details do not matter much, but as Hamlet said, "The readiness is all." When we see things like this, we are not adding to revelation, but being warned of what has already been revealed. There is no new revelation.

My novellas are partly base on those visions, which happened when I was wide awake, starting in the evening, moving into the night, and in the day time as well as into the night for three days. Twice I have had messages in French, which indicates something to me personally. I understand some simple things in French, my third language after English and Latin.

Since 2000, I warned my Catholic students that they were in the Age of the Martyrs. It has begun in earnest. If you think you can avoid suffering by moving somewhere, forget it. All the West will be engulfed by evil.

The reason why I want to stay in Europe is that this is part of my "destiny" as I cannot avoid suffering here. There are different kinds of suffering.

I do not need to go into detail and I am not infallible, nor a seer, but God showed me plainly in July, 2008, a series of happenings involving the States and the Western World. It does not matter what the details are, but the message was "get ready".

Now, many others see the same thing by watching politics and by paying attention. This is good, as we are rational creatures and need to use our brains.

2008 was seven years ago, and we have had time to do what we need to do to get ready for the greatest era of suffering the Church has ever seen.

The Church will be so weakened that only those who have a relationship with God the Father, the Son of God Christ and the Holy Spirit will keep the Faith. This is why I have written the perfection series, to help you all get holy, and ready for persecution.

Do not think America or Europe will emerge unscathed from the Wrath of God brought on, mostly by the millions of aborted babies crying out for justice. One other sin which cries out to God for vengeance, and I have written about this on the blog, is sodomy. If you do not believe me, here again, is the CCC note on this fact: 1867 The catechetical tradition also recalls that there are "sins that cry to heaven": the blood of Abel,¹³⁹ the sin of the Sodomites,¹⁴⁰ the cry of the people oppressed in Egypt,¹⁴¹ the cry of the foreigner, the widow, and the orphan,¹⁴² injustice to the wage earner.¹⁴³

Do not think that you will have access to Mass or the sacraments to keep you going. You will have to keep yourself going and this is why I have begged you to pod.

I cannot impress upon my readers enough the coming catastrophes. which God will permit for four reasons: one, to create saints for His Kingdom, two to bring about converts, three, to chastise us all, and four, to purify the Church.

I cannot count the ostrich photos on this blog or the number of posts on the stages of persecution. The Church has many, many enemies, both within and without.

Are you ready?

If not, get ready. We are heading for the Last Battle, which will not be short, but will result in the glory of God.

On The Apocalyptic Scriptures

As the Liturgical Year comes to an end, something is noticeable in the readings on Sunday and during the week. The reading become centered on three themes.

These are the days of tribulation and persecution; the end of the world and the final judgement; and the need for penance.

Advent continues with the call to repentance, especially in the words of St. John the Baptist.

But, in the weeks running up to Advent, we see the persistent themes noted above.

Why?

The end of the Liturgical Year is an appropriate time for reminders of the final judgement, end times, tribulation, persecution and penance. As the season of Autumn become more wintry, as cold and darkness set in, we are reminded of death, our death and the death of all mankind. We are reminded of our particular judgement and the final judgement.

Readings from Luke remind us of Christ's words on the end times.

Readings from the Apocalypse remind us of judgement.

Readings from the prophets warn us of the truths of Revelation that we shall be persecuted and judged.

These themes are not merely in this year of Luke, but are also found in the years of Mark and Matthew. The Church has always reminded us of persecution, judgment and death at this time of year, even in the Tridentine Calendar.

Indeed, as we move towards the great feast of Christ the King, this year on November 23rd, the last Sunday of the Church Year, we see this movement towards His Reign.

We are being asked to get prepared for the Kingdom of God. We are being asked to get ready for persecution, trials, the end of the world, the final judgement.

Get ready.

Novella Part Eleven Sally Forth

Sal was much worse than Frieda had anticipated. The TLM priest was just leaving when Frieda and Matt got there. The Baby was ill, not seriously, but Abbey could not come. Little Abbey was usually healthy, but this week she had a bad cold, turning into croup.  The damp summer did not help.

Sally was sitting up in bed, looking so ethereal that she seemed to be made out of marble. Matt kissed her and Frieda stood there for a moment. "I am so glad to see you, I cannot tell you how much." Sally smiled. Then, Frieda in her impatient way, took the ring off her finger and put it on one of Sal's. Sally's hands were so thin, the ring looked enormous on her, and simply no longer fit. But, she smiled.

"Frieda, you are God's Drama Queen." Frieda laughed, "I shall get a tee-shirt with that on it."

Matt said he had to leave for a meeting but would come back for Frieda in two hours. The two women had a lot to talk about, but Sally was so tired.

"Sally, do not get upset with me, but I phoned  Kronstadt, I mean, Hans." Frieda waited. "Oh Frieda, you should not have bothered him. Really."  Sally took a deep breath. "I never told you something and I did not write it in the journal."

Frieda sat down next to the bed. She waited.

"You probably read the journal, but I left out one of the most important things.I was too afraid, too proud to write it down at the time". Frieda waited, as Sally was so tired.

"Hans said one more thing to me at our last meeting on the day after he began to propose."

Frieda squirmed. Why did Sal not write this thing in her journal?

"He told me, after a long time, and almost at the end of our last conversation, that I was to do something."

Frieda waited. She wondered how many days Sally actually had to live. She wished her to live.

"He told me to get ready to die young, as I was his angel, his way to heaven, even if we were separated."

Frieda began to cry. She had not really faced Sally's death and here was Sally telling her the obvious truth.

The two sat in silence. Frieda took Sally's little hand and just held it for a long time. Matt was due back soon. 

Frieda's cell phone went off. "Blast, I forgot to turn it off." She looked at the number. "Sal, are you OK for a moment, I want to get this call."

"Of course, Frieda. Go on. And, look, here is Matt." Standing at the door was her brother, smiling. Frieda walked into the hallway and down to the foyer, as Matt entered the room.

Frieda came back in about five mintues with two people. They were both Norbertines-one short and bald, about sixty, and the other tall, dark, handsome.

Matt could hardly be happier. Here was his old mentor, Kronstadt, and a companion, Timothy. Hans went over to Sally.

"Hello. Frieda found out I was here for a conference in psychology and phoned me to come. Do you mind?"

Sally was weeping so silently. "I knew I would see you one more time. I knew it."

Hans bent over Sally's bed and whispered, "I told my superior I was going to visit a saint. He said 'Fine' And, I see you have the ring".

Sally just smiled. Matt, Frieda and Timothy stood at the end of the bed. They all began to say the rosary out loud, but quietly. 

Then, as if called by a Bridegroom who was a very Jealous Lover, Sally died.

Hans had never seen her so beautiful. Matt phone Abbey, then Massie and Duke. Massie went ballistic. "Why did you not tell me how ill she was? Of course, we could not come down. Duke hates flying."

Matt tried to explain that he has told Massie how ill Sal had been. She did not listen, really. "Well, John told me Sally was lying about having cancer and that it all psychosomatic. He told us all that." Matt felt sick to his stomach.

A strange phrase came into his head: 

You shall indeed hear but never understand,
    and you shall indeed see but never perceive.
¹⁵ For this people’s heart has grown dull,
    and their ears are heavy of hearing,
    and their eyes they have closed,
lest they should perceive with their eyes,
    and hear with their ears,
and understand with their heart,    and turn for me to heal them. 

"Goodbye, Mom. Maybe I will talk to you again."

The End.

(I want to thank my dear friend J....for encouraging me to write this. Thanks, JY.)

Novella Part Ten Sally Forth

Frieda decided to read the journal on the plane. Again, one section cried out for attention.

Hans told me over coffee a strange thing, but then our entire relationship has been strange. First, he said to keep the ring, as a sign of love and respect. Then, he said something very odd. "Sally, I think that your insight into my vocation is only part of the vision here. I do not know what this means, but I think that when I saw you in white, that you would be in heaven before me and I need you, please, to pray for me. I am not a natural celibate. I am worldly and vain. I have always had everything I ever wanted, except you."

I waited, as this confession was painful for both of us. "Will you, as you would have as my wife, pray for me everyday?"

Of course, I assured him I would, and I shall. Enough of this. There is nothing left to say.

Frieda thought about her own life, so caught up in the material. Here were two people who were "thresholders", living on the edge of life, living with one foot on earth and one foot in eternity. She felt happy to have known both....she envied the ease with which they could love and let go of love.

Well, Sal was still alive. Then, she had another idea.....

To be continued...

Novella Part Nine Sally Forth

Matt and Abbey visited Sally regularly. No one else came the four months she was in the hospice, after being with Abbey and Matt for awhile. Summer was proving to be stormy and upsetting. The weather was "all wrong" and one could not count on nice, hot days, only storm after storm.

In her room, with good care, Sally waited in pain for death. She did not know how to pray anymore. She thought, in the wisdom of her now thirty-eight years, that people who were really ill could pray. She knew better now. Her suffering was her prayer. Sometimes, she would say the rosary with the nice deacon who visited her once a week. She could not swallow Communion, but could receive the Blood of Christ.

The nice deacon read her the Gospel of the day in the Novus Ordo. She had seen the TLM priest once a month for Confession, and he promised her an anointing in the old rite. She waited.

Frieda in Madison phoned Matt when she could. She had taken on summer courses and could not get away until early August. Her fear was that she would not see Sally alive again.

One day, at the beginning of July, Frieda decided to read the journal Sally had given her.

The story written in Sally's beautiful hand was not one Frieda expected.

Part of the story which caught Frieda's attention was this.

On Saturday,we went out and Hans began to speak of marriage. I immediately heard a small voice, maybe my angel, say, "You will never be his wife." I did not know what to say. We truly love each other, but as I looked at him over the dinner table at The Grove, I wondered at this small voice, so gentle yet so firm.

Then, I saw Hans all in white, with sandals and a big straw hat, like a missionary hat. He was walking across a desert landscape, as in California.

My great uncle had been a Norbertine at St. Michael's and I saw Hans, in my mind's eye, like that. He took out the ring box and began to propose. I was shaking like a leaf. No, no, no. I would have to say no.

I began to cry and he did not understand. "I thought you loved me," he said softly. I could hardly answer.

"I do, but God loves you more." He became angry and pushed the ring box in front of me and walked out.

Then, outside church on Sunday, he took me aside and asked if we could have coffee after Mass. When we sat down, he said he went home and was so angry he almost called me back to tell me off.

Then, he was filled with a tremendous fire, and then peace. Then, he heard a little voice-"Be a priest". I was so shocked, I laughed outloud. Me, with two doctorates, a tenured position, a great practice.

Then, I saw you, in heaven, all in white...I cried and gave God my will."

We have not talked since that day. I shall never see him again this side of the grave. 

Frieda looked at the ring. It was gorgeous. A large ruby set in diamonds in platinum.

She got goose bumps and had an idea. She phoned Isaac.

"Isaac, Frieda, how would you like to make some money this summer? I want to take off during the second semester, the short class, this summer. Could you see if Smith would let us do this?"

In two days, Frieda has extricated herself from her special short-semester class and had bought a round-trip ticket to Houston. She would leave on July 10th. She had one bag and on her hand a ruby ring.

To be continued....

Novella Sally Forth Part Eight

Sally's world constricted quickly. From a mobile, open, networking life to one confined to a few rooms, Sally moved in peace. Matt phoned Massie and Duke several times, but they claimed they could not travel down that far. Matt said, practically yelled, "But Sally is dying." Duke just repeated that they would not come down, and, anyway, people die.

Massie refused to speak with Matt, saying it was so upsetting, and why did Sally have to move so far away, she asked?

Matt did not share the conversation with Sally, who could have warned him of the result. Matt then phoned John and James. Both said their work schedules did not allow them to get away at this time, but James said Bobbie might come down, might.

John told Matt that Sally did not want to be part of the family, as she showed by not attending the last family gathering. Matt's patience became so strained that he politely shortened the conversation and plopped down in a chair. Abbey walked in with coffee. Sally was asleep in the spare room. "Poor responses?"

"Lies, as usual," said Matt slowly. "Why do they have to lie? Just say, we do not like Sally, we do not love Sally, and we are not coming."

"Why do they lie?" Abbey sat down. She could feel the Baby kicking.

"People lie because there is a lie somewhere, buried in their hearts and souls so deep, they no longer see the lie. Somewhere, they turned to a lie rather than turning to a truth, and in that turn, they forgot the way, the roadmap."

Matt began to cry. But, he knew he would never change his family. He knew all he could do was to love in truth and not in pretense. Love is not love if is not based on reality.

to be continued..

Novella Sally Forth Part Seven

Sally did not even tell Matt the results of of the blood tests, and further tests. She did not tell Massie as Massie would blame Sally for the illness. Massie would pull down her glasses and stare at Sally, saying, "Your illness is your own fault. You do have a problem, don't you? None of us have had cancer. I just do not understand why you are sick all the time."

Sally was hardly ever sick. Massie was never sick. Duke was never sick. Sally wondered why they were Catholics, sometimes, and not Christian Scientists, as her CS friends were never sick.

Illness for Massie created shame. Only poor people got ill, or people who sinned, or people who made huge errors in their life decisions.

Cancer could not be mentioned, at all, so Sally told no one of her prognosis. Sally's doctor sent her to Mayo, which was close. The doctors there agreed with all the tests in Madison, Acute myelogenous leukemia. Sally wanted to tell Matt and Abbey, but Baby was on the way and she did not want to upset them. But, this morning, in December, Sally realized she was acting like the other family members, who never shared information about illnesses. She only found out about John's heart attack only after the fact. And, Duke never told any one of his ear problem. Matt found out by accident.

That Sally's cancer could be connected to genetic influences, crossed her mind. Yes, she would tell Matt. Matt and Abbey had decided to have their first Christmas on their own. Massie and Duke complained to John and James that Matt never visited anymore. But, the young couple wanted to attend their own Latin Mass parish and have a few single friends over for Abbey's sumptuous dinner. Matt phoned Sally to invite her. She told him the bad news.

"I am sorry I did not tell you right away, Matt. You know how it is, but I start chemo next week."

Matt held back tears. Sally was his real mom, his best friend after Abbey. He could not believe his good sister would have to fact this disease alone.

"I can come up and be with you in January. I can take two weeks off, really. Or, do you want to move down here? We can make room."

Sally smiled. Here was the dad-to-be dividing up space in a condo already too small for three. "No, Matt. Let me try to make it through here. Frieda can accompany me on some days. Really. I shall email you or she will, daily."

Matt put Sally on speaker phone and Abbey joined in. "Sally, get yourself down here. We can all manage. Please consider this. Baby is not due until May."

Sally really wanted to move out of Madison and live in Houston, but she was too tired, too weak for such a move.

"Let me see how it goes. Please. Have some Masses said for me, please."

What Sally did not share was that she was feeling moody about her time in Houston when Hans and she would meet for dates. That was a long time ago, but for some reason, memories flooded her inner vision, and she had to make a mental effort to forget him. She prayed to God to take away her memory, and to heal her imagination. Hans was no longer part of her life. Period.

Frieda proved to me resourceful and organized. She could arrange her schedule at the University to take Sally to chemotherapy. Sally's doctor discussed the possibility of blood transfusions. Sally had to think about this. She was not sure she wanted to go that route. She would ask Matt for his opinion, but she knew he would want her to have the transfusions. Sally prayed as much as she could in her fatigue. 

Then, the University did an odd thing. They fired Sally for taking too many days off. Sally and Frieda were shocked, but apparently the law in Wisconsin for university instructors without tenure did not guarantee long days off for chemo.

Sally took this as a sign, as her insurance would only last three months longer and then be suspended. All therapy would end until she transferred her insurance to a government source. But, with a pre-existing serious cancer, her chances for transfusions faded quickly.

Sally called her spiritual director, a wonderful priest of the "old school", Father Andrew Schiller, an Opus Dei priest. She wanted to know how a Catholic, a real Catholic, should respond to her situation of what she saw as now, especially, excessive treatments for a few months or few years added to her life.

Fr. Andrew sat in silence, holding his fingers before his face for what seemed a long time to Sally. "No one can be told what to do, how to respond in your situation. I cannot tell you what to do. You must pray and be peaceful with your own discernment. I know many holy people who died after years of treatment, and I know many holy people who refused treatment."

Sally thought that she could not make a decision right now, in this room in the rectory. So, when Frieda came to pick her up, she asked if they could go out for tea or coffee. Frieda had the day off, "Sure, I know you like Indie's so let's go there."

Frieda opened the car door for Sal. The young woman was too thin, too pale. Frieda did not know what to think or even how to react, except to help with the practical things. Sally was grateful. She was not in the mood for either sympathy or philosophy.

December ice filled the streets and hung on the trees, pushing down branches, almost to the sidewalks. Fog covered the lake and the fog froze on the lines around the city. Sally could here the cries of the seagulls, but she could not see the large birds.

Frieda had a knack for finding odd parking spaces, and in minutes, the two women were sitting warm and cozy in Indie's. Sally could drink certain things and not others. Frieda started the conversation, "I know what you are going to say. You are going to tell me that you are not going on with the transfusions."

Frieda sipped her cappuccino. Sally stared at the green tea. "Yes, I have almost made the decision, but you know what it means."

"Sally, we have been friends for years. I have always known that your life would be different, more exciting, more daring than mine. Whatever you decide, I just want you to know that I trust in you, totally."

Sally gently touched Frieda's hand. Frieda saw the thinness and felt the cold in her friend's fingers. More than anything, this small gesture brought tears to her eyes.

"I shall go to Matt and Abbey's and see if they will let me die there. I think there is a Catholic hospice in Houston. Matt would help. But, the baby, is it right I go there?"

"You belong there, in my mind. Madison does not love you. The University could care less. Only our little parish cares and they would want you to be with family. Sadly, Matt and Abbey are the only family you really have, not the Toxics."

Sally smiled. Frieda always came to the point. "Well, I guess then, really, I have to make this choice, either to stay here, find financing for further treatment or leave and die."

Frieda looked at her friend's big eyes. "You know what I want. I want you to stay and I would help raise money for you. I would be there, you know that. But, I think that staying in Wisconsin is not what you want."

Frieda ate her little cookie. "Have you told your parents?"

Sally nodded. "Yesterday. Duke said that he did not have time to talk to me about it now, and Massie complained that she did not want to bury another daughter. My older sister died, you know, when she was nine when she fell off her bicycle into the street and was hit."

"So, Massie is thinking of her own emotions and Duke does not want to talk about unpleasantries. Really, Sally, you need to go where you are loved."

Sally thought of this, to go where one is loved. Yes, always, that was the answer to life. 

"Frieda, when things are coming to an end, will you come? Please?"

"Absolutely. Now, let me get you home, and we can both talk to Abbey and Matt together. There are a few details I want to discuss with them."

Two hours later, Sally's short life was planned out. Matt would take care of the hospice arrangements but for the time being, he would fly up to Madison and personally escort Sally to Houston.

After all was planned, Sally went into her bedroom and came out with a box. "Frieda, I want to give these things to you. I have no one else. All my jewelry and some journals, plus a few letters. Will you take these?"

Frieda stood up and hugged the thin woman. "Sure thing, honey. I am honored. Now, let me help you wash and get some rest. I shall check in with you tomorrow. I have all the information on the flight and can help sort out the condo. You will sell this in no time, being so close to the University."

Frieda went into her usual bustling mode and then left. When she got home, she called Matt again.

"It is not good, Matt. I hope you get prepared. And, do not tell her ever I am paying for the hospice."

:"Agreed, Frieda. I shall see you next week."

Frieda sat down in her biggest armchair. She took the little cedar box of Sally's and opened it. Frieda had never heard the entire story of Sally and Hans' romance, but there it was, in a journal, a few letters, and a huge ruby ring in a box. Frieda closed the box. "I shall look at all of this after Sal is gone."

to be continued....

Novella Sally Forth Part Six

July 7^th was Abbey’s day to come into the Church. Abbey chose the name Ruth, which seemed appropriate. Sally and Matt were the only family members there, the rest were “too busy” to come to Houston for the baptism and confirmation. But, the three, happy and content to be together, just enjoyed the day.

  

The whole family was invited to the wedding of Abbey and Matt. Abbey’s parents came, but no one else in her family did. The Tridentine Nuptial Mass presented one of the most beautiful beginnings of a life together any one could wish.

Sally felt that God had brought these two together for consolation in desolation. Abbey and Matt’s joy was contagious. Even John mentioned that he had never seen such a gorgeous bride and such a wonderful liturgy.

Massie and Duke put up with the Latin, mentioning several times during the day that they did not understand any of it, but it was “nice”.

The children loved it, being part of the party and processing in before Sally and Abbey. Fiona was in heaven, dressed in pink. She looked like a little rose.

The couple would spend their honeymoon in Ireland. Abbey’s ancestors had been Irish and Abbey had been named after some place in the Emerald Isle near Hoare Abbey---where her ancestors had lived. Her name was a family name. They would be gone for two weeks, settling in Houston, planning on a family in God’s time. They would have another Abbey.

Matt knew that his wife was full of surprises, and finding out that her ancestors were Catholic just added to his happiness.

Massie mentioned several times at the reception that even though Sally was older than Matt, that she had no prospects at this time. She was getting older, as well, Duke said.

Matt’s family was a bit mystified by the community of the parish. Bobbie noted that there was a feeling of family she had never experienced in a Catholic church before. Mary noted that everyone seemed friendly enough. But, Matt and Abbey knew where they belonged and rejoiced in their friends and extended family.

Before the end of the day, Sally felt strangely detached. During the reception, she had left the party and walked back to the church, just a block away. She entered the darkness and sat down. She wanted to be with her Bridegroom. She just sat in His Presence until Sean, who was looking for her, came to bring her back for the dance. Sally’s smile was so odd, so lovely, that even Sean sat down next to her for a while in silence. He had never noticed how beautiful his aunt was. He was content to sit with her until she was ready to go back to the reception. Yes, Aunt Sally was pretty today, he thought. He took her hand and they walked back in silence.

Novella Sally Forth Part Five

The year between the happy time at the lake of loons, as Matt called it, and the past year’s reunion healed the bitter memory of the last reunion Sally ever attended.

In August of that year, everyone met outside Minneapolis, in a hotel on Lake….and a week was planned including entertainment at the local clubs. John had reservations and Mary wanted to go to the casinos. As usual, the parents had planned their fun without considering the children. So, as usual, Sally planned day and night activities for all five, including two movie nights, fun and non-violent games on their tablets, and outdoor activities during the days. Matt could not come, as he had a business trip which could not be changed. Massie complained about him the entire time. “I mean, he knew months ahead to keep these days free. He never sees us anymore.”

Sally tried to explain that Matt was not in charge of his schedule for conferences and such, but Massie did not listen. Sal just left the room when the irrational barrage of words started.

Matt did phone Sally, however. “Are you holding up, Sal?”

Sally was so glad to hear his voice. “I cannot do this anymore, Matt. But, they will hate me.”

Matt replied, “I know. I know. Sorry I can’t be there.”

Sally said goodbye and got the kids together to play badminton. She organized beach volleyball and two hikes. Swimming filled in the other times.

Duke came out and stood by the lake. “Sally, are you still dating that psychologist? You have said nothing about him this time?”

Sally got out of the water. She did not want to pursue this conversation. But, she had to tell the truth. “We broke up, but I do not want to talk about it. OK?”

Duke answered, “Well, that is your business, of course, but your mother will be disappointed. She and I want to see you settled. We do not like your single life, as it is so unpredictable.”

Sally almost burst out in anger, but the presence of the children stopped her. So, Mom would be disappointed. So, they cannot control her if she is single. What about “my” feelings? And, they want to see me settled, not happy, but settled. Sally went back to play water volley ball with the small troop.

Later, at the bar-b-que, Massie came up to Sally. “You should have told us. I had such high hopes for you. Isn’t Hans a millionaire?”

Sally felt anger churning up her stomach. “Mom, don’t you think this is my business and if I do not want to talk about it, you should respect that?”

Massie looked hurt. “You were always too independent. That is probably why Hans left you.”

Duke said, “Your irresponsibility will kill your mother one of these days.”

Sally blew up. “You do not know anything about what happened. You do not want to know. You just want to blame me again and again. I am not going to talk about it.”

Sally left and walked along the side of the lake. Hans was not here to console or defend her. Hans was a thousand miles away, entering the Norbertines in California. No one really cared about the truth, the beauty of life, or the sacrifices of true love. She did not want to cheapen her love and his love by discussing it. Her parents would make comments about Hans wasting his talents, or throwing away his life, or, the fact that they would not have more grandchildren. They would say that Sally made a poor choice and should have known better, and so on.

Only Matt knew the truth and the rest of the congregation at the TLM in Houston.

The remnant understood. They rejoiced, as did Sally in her heart. If she told her parents, they would find some fault in her, or some supposed error in Hans. She could not bear that. She could not bear to see pearls thrown before swine. She knew her thoughts were harsh and bordering on unforgiveness, but she would forgive. She always did. This was her strength, her gift. She could forgive again and again. Hans had told her that was her saving grace-a heart of mercy even if she lacked understanding.

That week ended with Sean coming down with a strange virus. James blamed John for not cooking chicken properly in the heat. Bobbie was sure that Sean got food poisoning from the fish not being kept in cold storage long enough. Sally became so tired of the bickering. She could hear Matt’s voice saying, “They drain me. They take away my energy.”

Sally had tons of energy, thank God. She was not only organizing the children daily, but keeping up a schedule of meditation. She knew what she needed for peace and order in her soul. But, she had decided that to spend another week in the summer with her family, even for the benefit of the children, was not what she needed or wanted. It was time to make the break.

Now, a year after the last reunion, and in late August, Sally was turned down for tenure. The University had cut back on tenured professors for the first time, creating new rules and watching a shrinking budget. Sally was strangely relieved. Now, she had no ties to her position. She was free to do something else. What that was, she did not know. But, God had His Perfect will in place and she trusted Him in this and in all things. Wisconsin would not be her permanent home, she now knew.

Sally was also grateful that she had not discussed the process with her parents. She could not bear the litany of negativity which would follow the news, like a long shadow as she walked across the room of the Big House.

Some things were better not discussed, just as some cherry twigs should not be thrown into the fire of her fireplace, as they would cause too much smoke.

Sally walked across campus to the library. She had to return several books she had kept too long in her office. But, on the way, she decided to stop at the little ecumenical chapel and sit a while. She felt tired and strange, as if she was coming down with something. She was so tired, too tired for her age. She would have to get a blood test.

To be continued…

Novella Part Four Sally Forth

Sally’s phone chirped like a bird. It was Matt. “Hey, Sal. Can Abbey and I join you for a day or two? Do you have room there?”

“Sure, no problem-she can sleep in my room and you can sleep on the little sofa, but it is a bit boring here, I mean not for me, but this place is quiet and isolated. I have a beach front and there is one small store about a mile away.”

“Sounds perfect. We shall be there tomorrow in the afternoon and stay until Friday. I have a job to do on Saturday for the city and Abbey needs to visit her parents. See you, then.”

Sally sensed news. Maybe the two were engaged. She was not sure how she felt about Matt marrying a Mormon. Since he had found the TLM, Matt was more and more pious than ever. She could not imagine how they would work things out. Abbey was not even a Christian.

These thoughts led Sally to her own problem of the future. She wanted so desperately to be in order and peace, in harmony and optimism for the rest of her life. She was coming up for review for tenure, and yet, the thought of this security did not add to her happiness. She would only enjoy, to some extent, the pleasure it would bring her parents, who always had expectations for her.  But, she also knew that even if she was granted this pleasure, Massie and Duke would undermine her moment of glory. She had seen the drama before, with James, when he was elected mayor of a small town outside of Fargo. Massie had said, “Too bad you are not mayor of Fargo.” Duke asked about his salary and shook his head when James told him.

Massie would not stop. “Well, it is sad that your talents are so wasted, but then you were never really competitive.” And so on…

When Mary was appointed head of the Museum of Modern Art in Minneapolis, Massie made a comment of how much she hated modern art. Duke asked whether it was a paid position or just volunteer. Even the super-correct and patronizing Mary almost lost her cool then.

When Sean won the all-state science fair award, Massie merely wished that the financial award was larger, and mentioned out loud that scientists were becoming extinct and that Sean would be better off going into medicine or dentistry.

Bobbie stopped sharing things the kids were doing, and Massie complained that she was never told what was going on.

Sally toyed with the idea of not even telling her parents she was up for tenure. Massie would make a comment, as she had done before, that the University of Wisconsin was just “not Notre Dame”.

Sally went inside and prayed. She was now praying up to four hours a day in her time off. She loved the silence and read Scripture daily. She even ordered a breviary from the monks at Clear Creek. She was beginning to plan her day around two of the Hours.

In the morning, earlier than expected, Matt and Abbey arrived. Yes, she was beaming. Matt was strangely shy. Sally invited them in for a veggie lunch she had made for them.

After they sat down, Sally said, “OK, tell me the good news.”

Abbey glanced at Matt. “You tell her.”

Matt said, “Abbey and I are engaged. And, Abbey is going to become a Catholic. She is taking instruction from Father Eliot, the new priest in Houston. What do you think?”

Abbey held out her hand and Sally took her fingers to look at the ring. It was a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. Sally’s eyes filled with tears.

“I am so happy, I can hardly see. Wait, I have to get a tissue.”

“See, I told you she would cry.” Matt laughed and looked relieved. He really wanted his sister to love his fiancé as he did.

“And, I have a new job. Do you remember Tomas Page? He asked me to go into business with him, just the two of us.”

Sally could hardly answer. “I am so happy. Do you have a date for the wedding?”

Abbey spoke first, “October 7^th which we chose on purpose. And Sally, would you be my both my sponsor when I come into the Church as well as my maid of honour? As you know, I have no sisters and well, I really want you to help me through the whole day-both days.”

Sally got up and hugged Abbey. This had to be one of the happiest days of her life. She said that she and Abbey would talk weekly after her meetings with the priest, and then, on the big day, she would fly down.

The three passed the time just enjoying each other and relaxing. The few days went quickly. Sally knew her decision would have to wait, whatever that decision would be.

Still, Hans’ words echoed in her ears, like the wind coming off the small lake at sunset.

To be continued…

Novella Continued Sally Forth....Part Three

“I am only going to meet Dr. Allen three more times and then quit,” Matt shared with Sally over the phone. “He is convinced that I am not scarred for life.” Matt laughed. Sally could imagine his bright smile over the phone. “He said I was remarkably sane for a person my age, which is a bit worrying, don’t you think?” Sally smiled at her end. Yes, Matt had escaped the habits of the Toxics. “I always wondered why you decided to get counseling. You need it less than any of us.”

“It was my conversion, you know, Sal,” Matt said quietly. “You and I have something, and you understand.” Sally said yes, and Matt had to go. He had a client coming in after his lunch break and he needed to go over the information he had. “Talk to you soon.”

Sally did indeed remember Matt’s conversion, as it followed her intense experience of Christ by a mere two weeks, two years ago. The entire family had decided to meet for the annual picnic in Tulsa, where John and his family lived. But, an extraordinary thing happened. Matt was to fly in from Houston and Sally was coming in from Madison. They were going to meet in Tulsa for dinner before moving on to the family reunion at the Sheraton.

But two months before Tulsa, Sally was going to Adoration, invited by her friend Frieda, a member of the staff of her college. But, what Frieda had not told Sally was that Adoration began with Mass, a Tridentine Mass said by a member of the Fraternity of St. Peter, Fr. Richmann. Sally had never been to a “TLM”. She met Frieda outside the church.

“Here, wear this, if you do not mind,” and Frieda handed Sally a mantilla. “Why?” Sally looked at the black lace triangle. “Well, I didn’t tell you that Mass was first, and it is a traditional Latin Mass. But, you don’t mind, do you? I mean you are a faithful Catholic.”

Sally looked at Frieda. “Sure, why not. I have never been to a Latin Mass before and would like to attend one. Adoration is immediately after, correct?”

Frieda said yes, and the two went in. Sally had not expected a choir or so many people. She was genuinely surprised at so many on a Saturday. She followed Frieda into the pew, genuflecting, as she always did. Looking around, Sally saw more young people her age than she had seen in her parish in Madison. In fact, she was one of the youngest at that parish, even though she was in her mid-thirties.

The Mass began, a special observance for the Annunciation, and Sally immediately knew she was “home”. She experienced something she had never experienced in the Mass she regularly attended near the University. She discovered the Transcendent God. For the first time, for some reason, Sally knew the Indwelling of the Trinity, her baptismal gift, as if she had never experienced God before. At first, she was surprised, as the chant ebbed and flowed through her brain like a consoling breath. Then, as the Mass continued, Sally felt more and more like she “belonged”, that here was a place, a time where she was loved and respected in the depths of her being.

She looked around to see if anyone else had noticed her amazement, but almost all those in the pews were following the Liturgy with missals.

When Sally went up to receive Communion on the tongue and kneeling, something she had never done before in her life, her Communion became a real communication of the Presence of Christ. Her thoughts were lifted out of her world into something, Someone, else. Sally, for a moment, lost herself in God.

At Adoration, this moment returned, and for the half-hour the two women could stay, Sally knew she had been found by God, that God had let her be found.

She could not talk about this. Frieda wanted to go for coffee afterwards, but Sally begged off. “I need to go home.”

Frieda asked, “Did you like the Mass? I mean, do you want to go again? I go every Sunday.” Sally said, “Yes, I do. I can meet you here again tomorrow.”

And that was the beginning of a new time for Sally. For two weeks, she managed to get to daily and Sunday Mass in the Tridentine Rite. Then, she phoned Matt.

She had to tell someone. “Matt, I have been attending the FSSP Mass here and I cannot tell you what it is like. But, I am going to go now, all the time.”  Matt was silent on the other end for a moment.

“This is weird, Sal. My counselor goes and he invited me to come next Sunday in Houston. Hey, this is so, well, synchronic.”

Sally laughed. She and Matt had a thing about synchronicity. She remembered the several times in their lives that similar things happened to each of them at about the same time.

“Hey, Sal, I have to go. I am working on something. Get back to you soon.”

Matt did get back to Sal, when at a new restaurant, on Sunday, two weeks later. “Sal, I am sitting here with four great guys I just met at the TLM. Hey, we have been talking about the Liturgy for an hour. This is so cool. Why did I not know about this?”

So began the new lives of these siblings. Sally in Madison and Matt in Houston became part of the TLM parishes and discovered a Catholicism they never knew existed. They began to read new books which were very old. They attended Holy Hour and First Friday as well as First Saturday Masses and devotions. They both began to receive the sacrament of Penance more often, and soon, Matt was on a men’s weekend retreat just before the family reunion.

They wondered whether they should share this experience with their siblings when the Tulsa crisis hit. James and Bobbie came first with their three children to the camp grounds outside the city. They had a huge camper, the biggest and best one could find. Sally called it the “bungalow on wheels”.

John and Mary were to fly down from Minneapolis with their two children and stay in the same campgrounds with James and Bobbie. There was enough room for all of them. However, there was only one problem. Massie had apparently misunderstood the plans, thinking that she and Duke were staying with James and Bobbie, and that the rest of the family would be renting cabins. Matt and Sally had a cabin, and they thought Mom and Dad had rented one as well.

When Matt met Sally at the airport to go out for dinner before meeting the rest of the family, he had bad news.

“She just left. She turned around after an argument with everyone and left. Duke, of course, left with her. They are somewhere. There were no more cabins available. It is a mess. But, she got is wrong, we all agree.”

“Wow, we all agree on something, amazing.” Sally said this but wished she had not. It was sarcastic and sarcasm fit into the negative, obsessive thoughts she was trying to get rid of in her psyche.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. Matt grinned, “No problem. I thought the same thing but did not say it.”

They ordered dinner. “Well, John and James think they should leave and go home, to visit Mom and Dad there, making up for the mistake. I said that was stupid and that we all should just enjoy ourselves despite Mom’s temper tantrum. James went ballistic and said even though Mom was wrong, we should try and make peace. I call this emotional terrorism. Dr. Allen would call it gross manipulation.”

Sally stirred milk into her coffee. “I really do not know what to do. We paid for the cabin. It sleeps four. Mom and Dad could stay with us. Why go back to Minneapolis? It seems stupid and a waste. The kids are probably looking forward to being here together.”

“So, when are the kids being thought of first? They never are. They are just appendages.”

Sally did not reply. Kids never came first in this narcissitic bunch. No one really cared ever how the children felt about anything. John, especially when drunk, did not care. And Mary, who was an only child, lived for herself, excusing her behavior by blaming John for everything wrong.

“I am not going anywhere. I invited my new girlfriend up for a day and I was going to introduce her to everyone. If no one else stays, will you? Contra mundum?”

“Contra mundum,” replied Sally. This was the battle cry of these siblings. “It is giving in to hysteria to leave. I sincerely hope James and John come to their senses.”

The two finished dinner and took a rental car out to the camp grounds. Within minutes, it was clear that even though everyone there knew and agreed that Massie was wrong and acting like a child, how to deal with the situation varied.

James had asked Bobbie to take the kids swimming. Mary, John, Sally and Matt sat down in the bungalow on wheels with drinks. Mary wore her new muumuu she bought in Hawaii when she and John were there a month ago.  She looked very retro. James spoke first.

“Mom and Dad have disappeared. We think they went to the Radisson, which Mom hates and will complain about. But, we have to decide what to do. Mary and John want to leave, but to be honest, I paid a bunch for this site and I am not inclined to go. Matt, what do you want to do?”

James never asked Sally her opinion for anything. She was a non-person and knew it. She was content to keep silent. Matt would share her point of view. “I have decided to stay. I have my new friend, Abbey, coming up on Wednesday and I am not going to put her out. Sal says she will stay as well.”

James looked shocked. “You mean you are putting this Abbey before Mom and Dad?”

Matt smiled. “Abbey is not just this Abbey, she is the girl friend. Sorry, but yes, I am.”

James poured out a lemonade for himself. It was freshly squeezed in the huge kitchen. He did not drink alcohol at all. Sally knew James thought he was superior to John and Mary, as well as to Matt and herself. She had lived with his priggishness all her life. She was used to it and no longer noticed his grand obsession with health.

“Well, Matt, you are the youngest and cannot understand what Mom’s feelings mean to us. If you want to stay, fine. I am not sure what to do.” James was the master of passive aggressive manipulation. When he was young, he spent four years in a monastery. Sally had assumed he learned to be passively obstinate there. James continued. “Mary and John what do you want to do?”

Mary spoke, as usual, first. “Well, we do not even know where Massie and Duke are, do we?” And, as if on cue, James’ cell phone rang. It was Duke.

James left the table and walked into another room. A few minutes later, he came back. “Dad said they will come back if the kids stay with Sally and Matt, leaving room for them here.”

Matt squirmed in his chair. All five kids in the cabin and Abbey coming---Sally tried not to laugh out loud. She got up, “Well, I am going to go for a swim with the kids. You all let me know what you decide.”

Sally had her own way to deal with passive aggressiveness. She walked out, went to her cabin and changed. She honestly felt that she could not longer bear the charade of love and care her siblings wove like a web to hide the fact that they were all constantly manipulated.

Sally was taking her time and about a half-hour later, Matt came up to the door. “Hey, can I come in?”

Sally yelled out, “Sure”. Matt threw himself on the futon in the main room.

“Well?” Sally stood there in her swimming wrap and waited. “While James and Duke were sorting things out, Bobbie came in with Jewel and Carson. They have welts all over them. Mary is panicking. There is a nurse in the main building. I think it is poison ivy, but Mary is convinced there is something in the water. Well, the upshot is that John, Mary and their kids are leaving. Mary wants to sue the camp. I mean, one cannot make this stuff up.”

Sally was sure the children were not in danger. “Well, Massie and Duke can now stay with James and Bobbie. No problem.”

“No, James called them back, told them about the hives, and now the parents are leaving to go home.”

“Man, what a waste of time and money. I just do not understand any of this.”

Matt got up and went to the small fridge for a soda. “Well, you do not have to be the center of attention. That is your charm.”

Sally sat down. “Well, I shall stay for the week as intended. What are James and Bobbie doing?”

Matt offered Sally some pop. She said no thanks. “I guess they have not decided. Hey, I shall join you by the lake.”

Two hours later, John and Mary packed and left with the children, who indeed, had a severe reaction to poison ivy. Mary had told James that she would never agree to any place he and Bobbie would decide upon for a vacation. Bobbie had said, “Fine, you decide and plan next year and let us know.” As usual, James and Bobbie were undecided as to what to do with the rest of the week, when Sally and Matt joined them for dinner in the bungalow on wheels.

“Bobbie and I are having a little disagreement.” Bobbie glared at James. Obviously, it was more than a little disagreement.

“The kids do not have their cousins here and the reason for this vacation was a family reunion.”  James stopped talking.  He wanted others to decide for him.

Bobbie had fallen into a sullen silence. Sally knew the scene. Bobbie would not say anything in front of James, but complain behind his back for days after any decision was made. But, most likely, a decision would not be made. Things would just happen.

Matt said they should all eat and discuss details after dinner. Sean, Fiona, and Michael came in from outside. They said nothing. Sally felt so sorry for these three. While Jewel and Carson had a drunk dad to deal with, these three had to work around unspoken resentments and a clawing negativity. She really felt for her niece and nephews.

Sally thought of some fun things they could do together this week. She would be a real aunt and help the kids have fun.

“When is Abbey joining you, again? I cannot remember the day you mentioned, Matt.”

“Wednesday, and only for the day, because she has a sister in Tulsa and is going to stay with her. She just wanted to see me and meet some of the family.” Matt was setting up a chess set to play with Fiona, who loved chess.

“Well, I can understand why you want to stay,” Bobbie ventured into new territory, expressing herself before James had done so.

Bobbie continued, “What about a compromise, James? We can stay through Wednesday and then leave Thursday morning, visiting the parents on the way back.”

James sat down with his ice tea. “Hmm, that might work. I shall phone Mom and Dad and see if we can see them. It will take us about a day and a half to get there.”

So, the vacation plans were settled. Sally managed to go riding with Sean and Michael, and Matt got to introduce the puzzled Abbey to at least part of the family.

As planned, the giant camper pulled out on Thursday morning, leaving a relieved brother and sister to spend three days as they wished. The first thing they did was to find a Latin Mass in Tulsa, using the rental car for the rest of the week, and having more of a retreat than a vacation, until they left. Sally more or less decided this was the last family reunion she would ever attend, but as it turned out, she ended up at one more.

However, this year, two years later, as she flicked water away from her with her feet,  this year not attending the reunion but staying at her own little place, Sally knew she would have to make more serious decisions than merely avoiding family gatherings. She had to decide on her life. She had to make a severe break and she was not sure how to do this. But, deep down inside, a little voice niggled at her. She could here Hans’ voice, quiet, severe, serious.

To be continued….

Novella Five-Sally Forth Part Two

Sally looked at her cell. Massie was calling. "Where are you? We are all here, waiting. You will make dinner late. You only think about yourself."

Sally wanted to sigh into the phone."Mom, I told you several times I was not coming. You forgot."

Massie was not listening, "John caught six bass for dinner and Mary has made bread. Where are you?"

Sally repeated, slowly, quietly, "I am not coming, Mom."

Massie stopped talking for a minute. "You never think of the family. You are always doing your own thing. You were alway selfish.""

Sally knew the litany by heart. Massie would start dragging up every failure in Sally's life, her business failure, her failed relationship with Hans Kronstadt, her illnesses, all these were her fault. "Mom, I shall talk to you later. I do not want to hang up on you, but I need to go."

"If you hang up on me, you need not ever come to the Big House. I'll talk later." And, true to form, Massie hung up.

Sally now sighed. She would not go to the camp in Minnesota. She would stay in Wisconsin, for a bit. She was on holiday and did not have to report back to work until August 9th, when the meetings for teachers and administrators started up. She knew her teaching schedule, no new classes for which to prepare. She was ready.

So, Mom blamed her for Hans leaving as well. Interesting, as Mom never liked him. Matt always called him Kronstadt and it stuck. Everyone called him that except for Sally, but even then, she slipped into the habit.

Hans Kronstadt and Sally had met in a strange way. He was the first one to tell her that her family was caught up in complusive thoughts, in irrational thinking. He should know. He was a psychologist.

Sally had gone to visit Matt in Houston three years ago. Matt had just bought his first house and wanted company. He had not yet met Abbey, but he was getting counseling. Sally was amazed. "You are only twenty-nine. Why do you need counseling?"

"Come on, Sal, you know why. I want to nip negativity in the bud. Now, not when I am fifty-five and am looking back on a history of ruined opportunities and relationships. And, I am meeting Kronstadt for dinner. Want to come? He won't mind and he is single."

Sally laughed. But, this dinner changed her life. It was "love at first sight" for her. She could not believe what she felt, as if Hans were a soul-mate, a long-lost friend. They hit it off immediately, acting as though they had known each other for years.

Hans was incredibly good-looking. He was tall, dark and yes, handsome. Sally was not. She was plain, strawberry blond, with freckles and big, too big feet. But, Sally had a smile which one did not forget. And, two days later, Hans phoned her cell. She had, of course, given him her number when asked.

"Hello, do you remember me?" Sally could hardly speak. She felt as if she had never loved anyone in her life before. They started dating, but under one condition. Matt would have to see someone else. Hans, very proper, said it would be unprofessional, but Sally was becoming, quickly, the most important person in his life.

Matt was a philosophical sort of guy an actually like Hans' associate, Allen Hall, better. Allen was less stuffy, said Matt. Well, he only had two more meetings and was free to leave.

To be continued...

Novella Five: Sally Forth-Part One

Sally sat on the top step of her beach house. She was the only one staying for the weekend, and she needed the quiet. James and John, her two brothers, were on a long camping trip in the northern part of the state, with all the kids and wives. Sally had been invited, but she desperately needed time on her own. John had promised to stop drinking, but she saw the SUV packed with beer as well as the camping gear and knew he was lying again. She did not want to face his self-deceit, which she had tried to talk with him about since 1999.

She was tired of lies. All her life, her family insisted on pride and lies to cover up the lies. Successes were always bigger than life and failures overlooked as unmentionables. Lies about being Catholic formed the worst nest of vipers for Sally’s soul. At least James did not lie about his atheism. But, John pretended for years he was “Christian”, never darkening the door of a church since 2003. Sally did not want to hear lies.

Her family, one of the most prominent Democratic families in the state, had campaigned vigorously for anti-life candidates. James had gone so far as to openly criticize Sally for her pro-life stand. “You can’t vote for one thing.”  He yelled. She yelled back, “Yes you can.”

Duke and Massie, their parents, told them all to stop arguing and that all politicians were the same. Sally was ashamed that her parents had fallen into a cynicism which she only saw among her youngest brother’s generations. Matt was not cynical, but many of his fellow Millennials were.

But, Matt was dating a Mormon, and no one seemed to care anymore, about real religion, except Sally. She had met Abbey, a great gal, but full of the great Mormon “religion”. Matt told Sally last Spring, “I can convert her, Sal. Don’t worry. You’ll see.” But so far, Abbey had not shown any interest in Catholicism.

Yes, she was moral and the two “items” were keeping chaste, no small thing. Duke actually told Sally to “stop talking about Catholicism” and Sally left the dinner early.

Now, as she sat on the top step of her beach house, she had to think about her family. No one, absolutely no one, admitted John was an alcoholic. Everyone pretended he did not have a problem, which Sally knew for over twenty years he did. Sally got up and moved down to her pier. She sat at the end of it and stared at the sunlight in the water. She had forgotten her sunglasses.

No one seemed to want the truth about anything, but they all stayed very, very busy-working for the symphony, working for the Knight of Columbus, working on the new house James and Amy just bought, working on new degrees, working on making new investments.

Sally was tired of workaholics and liars. But, what could she do? At thirty-six, no one listened to her, no one cared that she was getting “more religious” daily, except for Matt.

Matt knew, but chose to say nothing. He saw the lies, the pursuit for status, and had decided to go his own way. The reason he was dating Abbey was that they had met at a piano camp, both pursuing music, both ready to be poor for art. But, neither Matt nor Abbey were poor.

Abbey had told Matt and Matt had told Sally, that Abbey called the family the Toxics. Abbey’s family was upbeat, happy, even peaceful.

Sally could not understand the gross unhappiness of her own. Matt dealt with it by moving to Houston, were he worked as a computer tech guy. He wanted to be a professional piano player, like Abbey, who did concert tours, but Matt was not quite the top drawer grade.

Of course, Duke and Massie lied about Matt’s talent. It was the fault of the orchestra hiring committees, or the fault of the piano, or the fault of the sound systems.

Massie complained almost constantly and had her entire life. She lived a life of comparing herself and her children to everyone else in the world. Sally knew the mantras. “Why did you do this? So and so did this. Why did you take these courses. So and so recommend other ones. Why did you not marry T…. or J….? Why did you not go into business like Jack or John? Why?”

Sally and Matt tried to be positive, refusing to fall into “victim” mentality. Abbey was Matt’s positive angel. Sally knew this and supported his choice, for now.

“It must be something like wanting to control everything and other people,” Abbey had shared with Matt one day over coffee. “I do not want control.” Sally stirred her green tea. “Nope, me neither. I never wanted power. And, I have learned there are just some things I must accept. Not immoral things, of course.” Abbey agreed. She and Sally went once a week on Wednesday mornings and prayed outside the abortion clinic. Sally said the rosary and Abbey read out of her prayer book. Sally loved Abbey for this.

“Petty grievances and mutual unforgiveness keep my family together, I think,” said Sally. She was unhappy talking about this with Abbey, but Matt was getting serious about this woman and Sally felt a bond with her.

“I wish, just once, we could have a conversation without slicing someone, or criticizing or dissing…just once”. Matt ate his sandwich in silence. He was tired. So much of his energy had been sapped by John and James. The two men had married complainers as well. More complainers were being made in those homes, as the kids were growing up without real religion, without the domestic church.

Sally sighed, “I think we all need to move away.”

“I have already, but you haven’t.” Matt said the obvious.

This conversation happened last week. Matt asked, “Did St. Augustine really say that sin was energy in the wrong direction? I mean, negativity takes energy away from me.”

Sally put her feet into the lake water. She remembered Abbey’s answer. “Well, in the Confessions, he did say that he carried his unhappiness around with him.”

Matt almost dropped his salmon and dill on rye. “You have read Augustine?”

Abbey stared at him with her blue eyes. “Of course, my first degree is in theology. I told you that.”

“But, Augustine, I mean, he is Catholic.”

Abbey laughed. “Well, I claim him as well.”

Sally wondered at Abbey claiming Augustine. No wonder Matt loved Abbey. She was full of surprises, and completely free. She knew, for some reason, how to love. Sally could see that.

Well, that was last week and today was the annual family reunion at the lake north of the one where Sally sat. She would not be going this year. She had to do something new, something to break away and clear her mind. She felt so sad. But, she was not going to engage in destructive behavior anymore.

No, she and Matt decided that and they decided to do it in very different ways. Kronstadt had told Sally what to do, but she was not prepared to share her decision yet.

To be continued…