Talking the Talk and Walking the Walk

Recently, it has occurred to me, that the gross narcissism of the cultures of the West, has infiltrated the way Catholics think. Of course, for years, I have had the tag "thinking like Catholics" in order to bring people to a reality that one thinks certain things before one acts.

Many parishes and dioceses have initiated excellent sounding programs on "adult formation" and "evangelization" involving programs and courses on how to go out and bring people into the Catholic Faith.

Except for a few exceptions. all these programs concentrate on ACTION instead of on prayer and the levels of prayer.

No one, as I have noted many times on this blog, can be effective in the spiritual life of others unless one is willing to go through the tedious, hard, and sufferings times of purgation. No one.

There is only one Blessed Virgin Mary and one St. John the Baptist, who came into this world without sin, one from conception and one from a particular grace in the womb.

The rest of us, including Dear St. Joseph, had and have to work out our righteousness by cooperating with grace.

Narcissism stops grace dead.

More and more Catholics think they can evangelize without dealing with their predominant fault(s) and even venial sins.

The saint has dealt the death-blow to sin and can merit graces which are then efficacious in the lives of others.

If I pray for someone, and nothing happens, I do not say, "Oh, it is God's Will that so and so is not healed" or freed, or converted.

I go back to Our Lord and BEG Him to show me the blockages of my own sins which stop the efficacy of prayer.

Lord, show me my sins, my failings, my predominant fault for the sake of the Church...and so on.

The entire perfection series was written now several years ago not merely for the selfish to think that only they should get to heaven, but for the Church.

We cannot pretend to be saints. One either is or isn't. One is either in sanctifying grace and allowing God to purged one of all sin and even concupiscence, or one remains ineffective.

Recently, God called me to more penance. Now, those who know me or have followed this blog know how I live, but I have been called to more penance for the sake of souls. Daily, people die who have had no one to pray for them.

The majority of people go to hell. Sorry this is not my idea, but those of the saints, including the great Augustine.

God has given me two diets through my excellent, Catholic and holy doctor--of a rare breed.

Red meat once a week, no fatty meat, (I was invited out for pork ribs this evening and had to say no), no Ramen noodles, or mac and cheese or other poor food. I had already given up deserts over a year ago, so that is not an issue. Now, I have to somehow give up poor food.

Now, I can add some physical power to prayer.

Yet, some of my prayers are not answered. I ask God why....and here is the answer.

Mark 9:27-29 Douay-Rheims

27 And when he was come into the house, his disciples secretly asked him: Why could not we cast him out?

28 And he said to them: This kind can go out by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.

29 And departing from thence, they passed through Galilee, and he would not that any man should know it.

Souls are at stake. I love many people. I never stop loving someone whom I have loved. I love my ex, my old boyfriends, my family members who I do not see because of circumstances. I love new friends and old friends. I love students I have taught-special ones, and many priests who have brought me closer to God.

Love is the impetus for intercessory prayer, but fasting and purgation must accompany such prayer.

Have you been praying for someone for a long time?

Maybe God is asking you to do more, to be more severe with yourself in order to join in the merit of Christ on the Cross.

1 Thessalonians 2Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)

2 For yourselves know, brethren, our entrance in unto you, that it was not in vain:

2 But having suffered many things before, and been shamefully treated (as you know) at Philippi, we had confidence in our God, to speak unto you the gospel of God in much carefulness.

3 For our exhortation was not of error, nor of uncleanness, nor in deceit:

4 But as we were approved by God that the gospel should be committed to us: even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God, who proveth our hearts.

5 For neither have we used, at any time, the speech of flattery, as you know; nor taken an occasion of covetousness, God is witness:

6 Nor sought we glory of men, neither of you, nor of others.

7 Whereas we might have been burdensome to you, as the apostles of Christ: but we became little ones in the midst of you, as if a nurse should cherish her children:

8 So desirous of you, we would gladly impart unto you not only the gospel of God, but also our own souls: because you were become most dear unto us.

9 For you remember, brethren, our labour and toil: working night and day, lest we should be chargeable to any of you, we preached among you the gospel of God.

10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holily, and justly, and without blame, we have been to you that have believed:

11 As you know in what manner, entreating and comforting you, (as a father doth his children,)

12 We testified to every one of you, that you would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.

13 Therefore, we also give thanks to God without ceasing: because, that when you had received of us the word of the hearing of God, you received it not as the word of men, but (as it is indeed) the word of God, who worketh in you that have believed.

14 For you, brethren, are become followers of the churches of God which are in Judea, in Christ Jesus: for you also have suffered the same things from your own coutrymen, even as they have from the Jews,

15 Who both killed the Lord Jesus, and the prophets, and have persecuted us, and please not God, and are adversaries to all men;

16 Prohibiting us to speak to the Gentiles, that they may be saved, to fill up their sins always: for the wrath of God is come upon them to the end.

17 But we, brethren, being taken away from you for a short time, in sight, not in heart, have hastened the more abundantly to see your face with great desire.

18 For we would have come unto you, I Paul indeed, once and again: but Satan hath hindered us.

19 For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of glory? Are not you, in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?

20 For you are our glory and joy.

Here is a good prayer...I hope you can read it.

Putting God Into A Box

Returning to the idea of discernment as understood by St. Ignatius, an idea which I covered in some posts earlier this year and last month, I want to emphasize a few points which may help some readers avoid the deadly fall into deceit when the times of tribulation come upon us.

One falls into deceit when one does not know one's self, and when one does not have a relationship with God. For St. Ignatius, one's relationship with God was a constant, something which "happened" all day, in every circumstance.

If one is talking with a friend, God is there in the conversation, When one is shopping, God is there with one, and when one is walking in the sunshine, God walks with one.

There is never, for the Catholic who is in sanctifying grace, a time when God is not in relationship.

For those who have been in love, we understand this permeation of love in all things, at all times.

God is conscious of us all the time. If He was not, we would not exist. In prayer, we attempt to become conscious of God, Who is with us all the time.

But, too many Catholics want to put God in a box. They do not want God to be in their living rooms, sitting by them at the computer, in the midst of a conversation.  The God-in-a-box is a safe God, a God controlled by one's own will.

Sometimes people remember their "conversion" or "reversion" experience as if that was the only time God was with them in some way.

It is good to remember important encounters with God, such as our First Communion Day, or the day one got married, or made a vow to a religious order and so on.

But, those peak moments do not define one's relationship with God.

God in one's life is not now and then, but always, all the time, everywhere.

God may be most obvious in suffering. Lately, I have encountered much I suffering and have tried to find God in that suffering.

Of course, I do find God in the suffering--the God of the Passion.

Every Friday, as part of my prayers for the Auxilium Christianorum, I pray the Litany of Humility.

Now, when one prays this, one must expect God to answer this litany. God takes us seriously when we pray.

Let me remind you of this litany. And, let me give you real examples of how God answers this, the God Who encounters us in ordinary as well as extraordinary events of our days.

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus. Then, one loses a job, and loses status, becoming an invisible 

From the desire of being loved...Then, one is passed over by another, when one wants to be especially loved 
From the desire of being extolled ...Then, no one notices one's gifts or achievements
From the desire of being honored ...Ditto, and one is ignored even in small successes
From the desire of being praised ...Deeds are done unnoticed
From the desire of being preferred to others...One's friends have no time for one's company
From the desire of being consulted ...One is either told things one already knows, or one is not consulted when one has more knowledge
From the desire of being approved ...Then, one is actually not approved of, but finds only distrust and disdain from others; the following are the tests of saints...to no longer fear even betrayal or mistrust, or being unloved....because in holiness, they have found freedom...
From the fear of being humiliated ...Christ let Himself be put in a manger
From the fear of being despised...Christ allowed Himself to be hated by His Own People
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...Christ was slapped and spit upon
From the fear of being calumniated ...Christ was accused of false teaching
From the fear of being forgotten ...The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests....
From the fear of being ridiculed ..."If you are the Son of God, come down from the Cross."
From the fear of being wronged ...Judas, a friend, betrayed Christ
From the fear of being suspected ..."Is not this the carpenter's Son?"

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...Finally, one takes joy in this...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...Finally, one only wants to be hidden in God
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...One sits with Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...One comes to understand the truth of being lowly
That others may be preferred to me in everything...and, one rejoices in letting others be recognized over one
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…seeing that God has called one to be a little one, and not a great saint....

When one is able to fulfill the graces of this litany, a person would be completely free. God would not longer be in a box, but one would walk and talk and sleep in God constantly.

If a Catholic does not want to become truly humble, he or she should not say this prayer.

God answers this prayer and He is no longer in the box of one's own making.

Sometimes, God will take a person to the edge of Gethsemane and make one wait until one is strong enough spiritually to enter into the Garden. One can see the darkness, but not understand, until He allows one into the place of His Own suffering.

Then, and only then, does the Catholic become authentic. Until one really accepts suffering with Christ in His Passion, all is pretense and play.

Three times Christ asked Peter is he loved Him, because of the three denials of Peter.

Not only was Christ showing Peter how to forgive, but the necessity of being open to the daily encounter with God. 

It is too easy to betray God. It is too easy to put Him into a box.

Like St. Ignatius, one has to come to the knowledge that God is with us, all around us, in every circumstance, constantly.

In this realization, we come to knowledge of the self, and knowledge of God.

The more one knows one's self and knows God, the greater is one's capacity to love.

We meet Christ at Mass Who has allowed us to put Him in a box, the tabernacle.  Christ Present in the Host has become the Vulnerable God, the Hidden God in the Host. One thinks that one can manipulate this Small God. 

Those who have put God in a box cannot appreciate either spiritually or spiritually the great freedom which Christ has given us in the Eucharist.

We consume God. We become one with Him as He becomes one with us. We become the box, the tabernacle of God. We hold Him either in love and awe, or even in a darkness. For those who receive Him unworthily, (and only God can make us worthy), the Body of Christ is again, as during the Passion, put into the cell of satan, the prison of one's own making.

Christ has made Himself accessible to us in the Host. He is the God of Bethlehem's manger, the God of the prison of the Sanhedrin, the God on the Cross...

The sacrilege of receiving Christ when in serious sin is a mocking of the Passion of Christ, and a denial of His suffering.

Either one allows God to purify the body, soul, imagination, memory and will, in order to become a holy receptacle, or one mocks God by imprisoning Him in one's own self-centeredness and sin.

One loses the chance to become more like Christ, and in the narcissism of sin, one wants to make Christ into one's own image and likeness.

Only humilty and love can save one from this putting God into a box.

Once one understands and experiences love, the box of one's own self becomes a little place of heaven, the cell of contentment and peace.

But, this takes courage. 

Be a tabernacle, not a prison. Let God out of the box of selfishness, malice, mistrust, fear...let Him meet you in freedom.

He is always with us, always, desiring us to meet Him in freedom, humility and love.

All barriers, all boundaries melt away, and one becomes alive trusting in God.

Life becomes exciting and new, and one learns to live outside the box of conformity, false comfort, and selfishness.

Let God out of the box of your own making. Let Him lead you into freedom.

BTW, during the Protestant Revolt in England, the Protestants made fun of the True Presence, by referring to the Eucharist as the Jack-in-the-Box, a reference to an earlier myth that a local saint in Princes Risborough captured the devil and put him into a boot. This horrible disrespect and blasphemy of the Protestants towards the Eucharist displayed itself in the mockery of the Consecrated Hosts in many places, including the documented throwing of the Hosts on the ground at Fountains Abbey and the visitators forcing the horses to trample Christ.

They put Christ in the box of their own power, imaginations, hatred...

Those men crucified Him again and again and again...

The tabernacles of England were emptied for a long time because people wanted to put God into a box of their own making.

God is more than we know...

Choices

American Catholics must begin to make serious choices concerning daily life. We are living in such evil times, satan is trying to destroy the Church, and we know we are in a crisis of Faith. Therefore, to pretend that life is the same as it was in our childhood must be a believing a lie which is one of the greatest victories of the great deceiver, satan.

None of us can be living as if we are not on the edge of one of the greatest persecutions coming to the Church across the Western world. 

No one likes to suffer, but we all who are living, will suffer, terribly. For years, I have written about the American desire for comfort only. I have written about the need for purification and purgation of all of our sins, predominant fault, and even concupiscence. 

Christ redeemed the world in suffering. We are all called, now. to some type of redemptive suffering.

If Catholics are not thinking of reparation for horrible sins, which we hear about daily in the media, and the great paganism, which has now has been accepted into law in our country, they are living a lie.

We need to help each other with reality therapy, and getting ready for all the things about which I have written on this blog and elsewhere.

We needed to make choices-to prepare spiritually, and perhaps, to prepare physically, for persecution.

We also need to learn prudence, to become more and more hidden, yet deep in our Faith.

I pray for all my readers to become saints. Pray for me to become a saint.

May I add that some souls cannot be won except by suffering, In the suffering to come, join with Christ in order to save souls.

Christianus alter Christus Among The Boxes

As I sit in a little room surrounded by boxes packed and half-packed, putting things back into storage I so happily took out and rediscovered a mere few weeks ago, I am reminded that I am still in the night of the soul. This process is extremely painful for me. It is not that the things represent me, but that the lack of permanency brings purgatory onto this patch of earth.

This night may be years as a journey, as I am not as generous or intelligent as St. John of the Cross, who seems to have gone through both the dark night of the senses and the dark night of the spirit in about nine months.

Some saints take longer to make this climb to illumination than others, which is my hope. My hope is in the Lord, Who went before me into darkness, the darkness of death in His Passion. This night of the soul is no different than that Passion, except in the smallness of my heart and soul, I cannot become another Christ, without His great help.

In the night of the senses, all joy in physical human things and persons eludes one. In the night of the senses, one is in purgatory on earth. Unless God helps one become another Christ, one remains mediocre. Unless one yields to the pain of purgation, one does not enter heaven or perceive Christ's great love.

But, what I am really experiencing is Christ suffering in and through me and His Sacrifice purifies me as He joins His suffering with me. I have to let Him suffer in and through me. This is my salvation.

No one can compare one's sufferings with another's, Suffering is not quantifiable. One can only rejoice in one's own weaknesses and insignificance, as St. Therese of Lisieux wrote. To become nothing is to let Christ become all, and then, and only then, does the Christian become Christ in the world, Christianus alter Christus.

These boxes remind me of failures, itineracy, the lack of stable prayer times, the lack of family and even permanent communal support necessary to live in the heart of any community. Always, I end up like a ship passing through, (yes, with many friends waving on the shore), but only to leave again, not even knowing to where the tide will take me.

The night of the senses has left me with practically nothing on which to rely, which is the whole point of this dark night. The night of the spirit leads to a more ruthless purging of even gifts, which are not allowed to be used, or deep loves, which cannot be expressed. The only thing left is the longing for Christ, as the bride seeks the Bridegroom until He is willing to be found.

Distant are the moments of love and trust, as I sit surrounded by boxes of books, clothes, and papers The chapel has been taken down weeks ago, and the remnants of it put away, with only one large icon and one statue left on, yes, a box, and a dresser.

But, God is Creativity. When St. Benedict Labre was not allowed to join a community, he created, with the Holy Spirit, his own way to God, pilgrimaging throughout Europe, until he got to Rome and collapsed, dying at the young age of 35. He is a patron of the homeless, beggars, and the mentally ill. He is a one-of-a-kind saint. I do not believe he was mentally ill, but found joy in the humility of being misunderstood by those who did not and still, do not, understand the fool for Christ. A great sign of humility is the ability to rejoice in being misunderstood.

Those who want to follow Christ do so in many different ways, and, it is not one's own way, but God's way. What the world needs is known to God, not to us. We can imagine, in the narcissism of our gifts and talents what we think the world needs, but God has other ideas. God fashions us to be saints according to His ideal, not one's own.

Three people experienced this dark night of the spirit in Scripture, and we have their words.

The most obvious is Job, who lost everything in the dark night of the senses, and then was misunderstood and falsely reprimanded by friends in his dark night of the spirit, when God seemed far away, indeed. Job had to come to complete trust in God, complete surrender, and God dealt with those who tried to put Job into their own boxes of what holiness should look like.

Job 42 Douay-Rheims 

42 Then Job answered the Lord, and said:

2 I know that thou canst do all things, and no thought is hid from thee.

3 Who is this that hideth counsel without knowledge? Therefore I have spoken unwisely, and things that above measure exceeded my knowledge.

4 Hear, and I will speak: I will ask thee, and do thou tell me.

5 With the hearing of the ear, I have heard thee, but now my eye seeth thee.

6 Therefore I reprehend myself, and do penance in dust and ashes.

The second person who one sees in the dark night of the spirit is the bride in the Song of Songs.

Song of Solomon 3 Douay-Rheims 

3 In my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and found him not.

2 I will rise, and will go about the city: in the streets and the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, and I found him not.

3 The watchmen who keep the city, found me: Have you seen him, whom my soul loveth?

She had experienced love, but lost the first flames of consolation. Therefore, she must look for Love, Who hides from her until she is ready to find Him. She must seek the Beloved until He lets her find out where He really is.

The third person one can identify as in the dark night of the spirit is St. Paul. His conversion brought him into the dark night of the senses, literally, as he was temporarily blinded for three days, in keeping with Christ's three days in the tomb. But, after his cure, Paul went into the desert, to Mt. Sinai, for as long as ten years, and later wrote this in Galatians 4:

22 For it is written that Abraham had two sons: the one by a bondwoman, and the other by a free woman.

23 But he who was of the bondwoman, was born according to the flesh: but he of the free woman, was by promise.

24 Which things are said by an allegory. For these are the two testaments. The one from mount Sinai, engendering unto bondage; which is Agar:

25 For Sina is a mountain in Arabia, which hath affinity to that Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children.

26 But that Jerusalem, which is above, is free: which is our mother.

27 For it is written: Rejoice, thou barren, that bearest not: break forth and cry, thou that travailest not: for many are the children of the desolate, more than of her that hath a husband.

28 Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise.

29 But as then he, that was born according to the flesh, persecuted him that was after the spirit; so also it is now.

30 But what saith the scripture? Cast out the bondwoman and her son; for the son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with the son of the free woman.

31 So then, brethren, we are not the children of the bondwoman, but of the free: by the freedom wherewith Christ has made us free.

Now, Hagar represents the flesh, Sarah's bad will, and Ishmael the child of the flesh, while Sarah represents the spirit, when she trusted God, and Isaac the child of the spirit. St. Paul went into Arabia, to Mt. Sinai, the place of Moses' reception of the Law. This was no accident. 

There, St. Paul learned, through the long purification of his soul, the difference between living by the Law and living in the Spirit. This is exactly what he preached with such clarity, and he learned it the hard way, as so many of us do, by enduring purgation of sin, and the destruction of the predominant fault. Then, God allowed Himself to be found. In this finding, Paul experienced great freedom. He is the theologian of this freedom. Isaac represents the covenant of love, and the New Jerusalem, not the old, which was destroyed in 70 A.D., --the old represents the lack of covenant love. St. Paul in the desert moved from this purgation of his soul to illumination, about which he wrote later. This is a true description of a man who has moved out of purgation, out of both dark nights, into the illumination state, and then union.

2 Corinthians 12 Douay-Rheims 

12 If I must glory (it is not expedient indeed), but I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord.

2 I know a man in Christ above fourteen years ago (whether in the body, I know not, or out of the body, I know not; God knoweth), such a one caught up to the third heaven.

3 And I know such a man (whether in the body, or out of the body, I know not: God knoweth),

4 That he was caught up into paradise, and heard secret words, which it is not granted to man to utter.

5 For such an one I will glory; but for myself I will glory nothing, but in my infirmities.

6 For though I should have a mind to glory, I shall not be foolish; for I will say the truth. But I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth in me, or any thing he heareth from me.

7 And lest the greatness of the revelations should exalt me, there was given me a sting of my flesh, an angel of Satan, to buffet me.

8 For which thing thrice I besought the Lord, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for thee; for power is made perfect in infirmity. Gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

10 For which cause I please myself in my infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ. For when I am weak, then am I powerful.

11 I am become foolish: you have compelled me. For I ought to have been commended by you: for I have no way come short of them that are above measure apostles, although I be nothing.

12 Yet the signs of my apostleship have been wrought on you, in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds.

And, yet, God allowed him to suffer something which was painful. What form this infirmity took does not matter, But, like the limp of Jacob, this physical suffering remained a sign of St. Paul's encounter with God. One is wounded when one encounters God, never to be the same again. When one wrestles with God for the blessing of illumination and union, one is wounded. One must be.

That St. Paul's night of the spirit may have lasted ten years gives me hope, for he is a great saint, and I shall be content with being a little saint. However, what St. Benedict Labre knew, and what St. Paul knew, and what Job learned, and what the bride learned is that some of us cannot be anything but extreme-either extremely good or extremely bad. God took them to the edge, and there, they found Him.

Such is the lesson I learn in my box-room. God literally boxes me in so that I have to face my own sin and imperfections in order to make my small heart larger so that He can reside there comfortably. This box-room is on the edge of new life, like a dry oasis, a mirage, of something greater to come.

This little prison of transience, shows me again and again, that this world passes, is temporary, but that God's life is eternal.

I knew as a young person that I loved the things of this world too dearly-nature, music, people, animals, even God's own presence in the things He created. I walked in love. I always experienced things deeply. People noticed this. I loved love. To be weaned from such a love of creation, which is overwhelming, and the love which comes from the sensitivities of a thinker, a writer, a poet and a painter, I have had to be draw into the ugliness of nothingness in order to see the God Within. My God is the God of the Passion, the God of the desert.

He is here, among the boxes and detritus of my life, waiting, while He takes me through this stage of the dark night.

Father Ripperger reminds us all in his talks that few people realize that they are far from true holiness. Today, as I move into a smaller and smaller place to walk and even write, I am aware of this need to be violently honest with the self in order to move on. The walk is not over, but I am on the way...

The one persistent myth which has spoken to me has been that of Psyche, who had Love, the god of love, and lost him through disobedience and a lack of trust, only to have to endure the punishments and trials of Aphrodite, who was jealous of her, but also to prove Love that she, Psyche, could love. Because of her journey and persistence to find love, Psyche was allowed to become a goddess herself. Psyche means soul, and this tale is very much like the journey of the dark night of the spirit, where impossible trials are overcome with both grace and determination, in an atmosphere of the complete lack of consolation. One keeps walking. One does not give up seeking Love.

The immortal soul must find love and live in love. Love has a name, Jesus Christ. But, one must suffer.

This is my hope..that Christ allows me to suffer in and with Him, and in this suffering, I shall find Him, as He is here among the boxes.

More on Why Prayers Are Not Answered

How very pleasing to God is the willing desire to suffer for Him. "Very pleasing to Me, dearest daughter, is the willing desire to bear every pain and fatigue, even unto death, for the salvation of souls, for the more the soul endures, the more she shows that she loves Me; loving Me she comes to know more of My truth, and the more she knows, the more pain and intolerable grief she feels at the offenses committed against Me. You asked Me to sustain you, and to punish the faults of others in you, and you did not remark that you were really asking for love, light, and knowledge of the truth, since I have already told you that, by the increase of love, grows grief and pain, wherefore he that grows in love grows in grief. Therefore, I say to you all, that you should ask, and it will be given you, for I deny nothing to him who asks of Me in truth. Consider that the love of divine charity is so closely joined in the soul with perfect patience, that neither can leave the soul without the other. For this reason (if the soul elect to love Me) she should elect to endure pains for Me in whatever mode or circumstance I may send them to her. Patience cannot be proved in any other way than by suffering, and patience is united with love as has been said. Therefore bear yourselves with manly courage, for, unless you do so, you will not prove yourselves to be spouses of My Truth, and faithful children, nor of the company of those who relish the taste of My honor, and the salvation of souls." from the Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena.


This type of loving intercessory prayer is not the same as that of the victim souls. I believe victim souls are called to that special vocation from birth. We see this type of sublime holiness in the lives of such as Marthe Robin, Alexandrina da Costa, Gemma Galgani and Veronica Giuliani among others.

Victim souls have an entire life of intercession, usually through the joining of their bodies and souls to the Passion of Christ. One cannot choose to be a victim soul, as it is a vocation usually found at a very young age. 

These souls are rare people. However, the suffering explained in St. Catherine's Dialogue is also reparatory intercession, but part of a more active, and not victim soul type of vocation, In other words, we can all pray in the manner explained by God above. One can choose to offer up one's life for another, like Michael Voris' mother did for her sons, and like someone I know, a local saint, did for the conversion of her husband. The proof of God's acceptance of these heroic gestures would be the ultimate conversions of those for whom the lives were offered, and, indeed, in both cases, two men were converted through the intercessory offering.

What God is revealing to St. Catherine would be more the "ordinary" manner of intercession, involving daily courage and suffering, as well as patience, perhaps for a husband, a wife or children.

Like St. Therese, one may choose a stranger for whom to pray, but one must be careful. Several friends have told me of situations in which they took on praying for people and in the process, it became clear that these good pray-ers, simply were not holy enough to take on the type of spiritual warfare necessary.

Sometimes one is tempted to take on praying for something or someone which is simply too difficult, even too evil.

Stories of people in hell who revealed that the reason they were there was that they did not listen to friends' exhortations, or storied of people in purgatory, who asked for prayers, indicate the seriousness and need for intercessory suffering.

This week, realizing that some intercession I was doing needed more prayer and fasting, I asked God what I could do more than what I have been doing. Within hours of this prayer, my doctor put me on a low carb diet. This will be very difficult, as I have been eating a lot of poor food, like Ramen noodles,potatoes, and cheap tortillas for quesadillas, I shall need to spend more money, which I do not have yet, for more protein and less carbs. So, this is a hardship, but I definitely know this is an answer to prayer. I shall have to eat even less than what I have been, which is only two full meals a day. But, God desires this suffering for souls for whom I am interceding daily. Souls are worth every bit of hardship.

God is calling all of us to love, love, love. Patience, suffering, love...

In these virtues, we are called to become more and more like Christ in this world, and closer to Him in the next.

To be continued...

Allowing Sin and Allowing Suffering

There are two thoughts concerning imperfections and sin in a good Catholic. The prevailing idea of Garrigou-Lagrange and some of the saints, including St. John of the Cross, is that one can move away from venial sin, overcome imperfections, and even transcend concupiscence, with the help of God's grace.

Some priests today believe that it is possible to stop sinning venially and even move from being tempted by certain things through purification of the mind, memory, understanding and imagination, so that one is practically free of concupiscence.

However, some saints, in particular, St. Teresa of Avila, believe that one sins venially until death.

Some saints believe temptation is a trial of greatly virtuous people.

Why the difference in perspective has concerned me until recently, when a very simple thought came to mind.

No two people are alike in their spiritual journey and, although the saints give us guidelines and provide examples from their own lives, no two saints are the same. All persons have a unique way in coming to holiness.

The key thought is this--and I put it in the form of a question. How does one learn humility and stay humble?

Three saints give us examples of how differently God works in the soul.

These are the three Teresas.

First, moving from the latest, modern day Teresa is Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, Mother Teresa.

It is a well-known fact, shared by a priest who was close to her, that Mother Teresa was in the Dark Night of the Soul for fifty years.

For fifty years, this saint lived on Faith and not consolation, not moving out of purgation and the long days of the Hidden God until almost immediately before her death, when she came into Illumination and Union, exhibiting a great peace.

Fifty years of purgation and the lack of the consolation of seeing things with the Eyes of God, not transcending her predominant fault until right before death, shows that this way was for her, a life of humility, but a humility of waiting on God and grace.

The length of time does not necessarily mean that Mother Teresa was a greater sinner than the other two Teresas, but that this is how God wanted her to become holy--through the suffering of self and the lack of consolation.

In other words, her life was one of sheer faith in God.

St. Therese of Lisieux is the second Teresa, but one who experienced, in a short life, Purgation, Illumination and Union, but also a time of intense suffering of temptations right before she died.

That she was tempted severely in the last months of her life has been shown by her request that the pain killers left in her room be removed at night so that she would not be tempted to suicide.

Her long days of pain were devoid of consolation from God. She could not even receive the Eucharist for many months before her death because of her physical condition.

But, one perceives no sin, only deep suffering, possibly for the intercession for sinners, rather than a suffering for purgation. Few are holy enough to offer themselves to God for love and suffer for others after Illumination and Union. But, this seems to have been her way--her "unfelt joy" but with complete confidence in God's Love.

St. Therese is one of those "meteor saints", young ones given tremendous graces of all three stages of the spiritual life as young people, only to suffer for others at the end, in a union with the Crucified Christ, in a pure state of sharing the Passion of Christ after great, graces of insight, illumined soul and oneness with God. Elizabeth of the Trinity would be another example of this type of holy life. Both these young Carmelites were called to sinless lives but still suffered for others, not for their own sins, but moving beyond purification to sheer intercessory union with Christ the Bridegroom in the mysterious union of the Cross in purity and sinlessness. St. Therese's profound humility allowed her to live in this role of intercessor in a most Christ-like fashion of purity and suffering.

St.Teresa of Avila provides us with another example of great suffering at the end of her life, but again, writing of being in the last great stage of holiness while on earth, the Unitive State, experiencing ecstasy, while claiming that it was possible to sin even venially after such dramatic and intense graces of oneness with God.

It seems to me that her way of staying humble was to have weaknesses even after unity. St. Teresa does not state that she, indeed, sinned venially after this life of the highest prayer one can experience on earth, but she states it is possible to do so. If God allows someone at this level of holiness to sin venially, it is for the greater good of revealing one to one's self in humility, the humility of weaknesses.

One should never compare one's self with others in the life of grace. Looking at the "cloud of witnesses" which make up the Church Triumphant, one sees the variety of graces played out in the lives of the saints.

But, God allows one to sin, not that He causes sin, but that He allows it for His greater glory, remains a mystery of both suffering and purgation.

The Pope Emeritus said one time that  “Holiness does not consist in never having erred or sinned. Holiness increases the capacity for conversion, for repentance, for willingness to start again, and, especially, for reconciliation and forgiveness. . . Consequently, it is not the fact that we have never erred but our capacity for reconciliation and forgiveness which makes us saints."

This idea makes us realize two things: one, that one must be willing to start over again and seek out God's mercy and never despair; and, two that some saints live in such an awareness of their sinfulness that they never sin again. Once reconciliation with God and the deep awareness of one's need for Christ's Sacrifice in order for one to be saved, the acceptance of the Passion in each individual soul, some saints live in such constant love and humility as to never sin again. Some are brought back to their nothingness by venial sin, or even the inability to move away from their predominant fault until just before death.

In other words, once one realizes the depth and breadth of one's sins, once one actually lives a humble life completely, one relies only on God's grace and not on one's own gifts or strength, being totally dependent on God for all things. Repentance is a daily task, conversion of heart, mind, soul, a daily job, and there can be no rest from the fight against the flesh, the devil and the world until death.

And, this brings me to one more point. Temptation comes from these three sources--the demons, the world, and self-love.

One can fall into venial sin, entertain temptations of the mind through each of these three sources of evil.

The first, the flesh, is one's own weakness. Not to commit venial sins and to overcome even concupiscence reveals that one has overcome one's self-love and is living a life of purity. John of the Cross must be one of the main examples of this grace.

The second, the devil, including his cohorts, will always be a possible source of sin until death, which is why all Christians should pray for the grace of final perseverance. The fight for the soul even at death can only be overcome with God's help. This is a lesson learned from the Little Flower, St. Therese.

The third, the world, was not such an issue for the three Teresas, as they removed themselves from the world by responding to God's call to enter Carmel, or in the case of Mother Teresa, to start a new order. But, she was in the world more than Little Therese. St. Teresa of Avila, as the head of a new order, also had to deal with worldly issues more than Little Therese.

We cannot judge a level of holiness or even a level of humility in persons. We cannot even judge suffering, as suffering is not quantifiable. What is great suffering for one person may not be so for another, and so on. The stigmatists, perhaps the most obvious of saints who suffer horrible pain, also experienced joy in being in union with Christ in His Passion. One cannot say, for example, that St. Padre Pio suffered more than Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, or that St. Therese of Lisieux suffered more than St. Teresa of Avila. These types of comparisons are based on judgments not in keeping with understanding the spiritual life, but a materialistic sort of approach to holiness, which is not only unhelpful, but inappropriate.

Each person created by God has a different way to holiness. One saint may struggle with sin all his life, while another may live in a unity of love and peace. The temperament of an individual, a personality or character created and formed by God's graces determines how that person becomes holy. God's grace and Providence determines the way to holiness for each individual.

Allowing sin in a person's life may be one way God brings a person to the depths of humility and self-knowledge. St. Paul's words haunt us on this concept of suffering through failings after prayer, and great grace.

He is teaching us never to give up, always to rely on God, and to fight evil within ourselves,as well as outside of ourselves.

I am reminded of the growing evil in this world and the growing activity of demonic influences. The absolute necessity for all Christians must be complete dependence on God. Once a person has come to rely on Divine Providence completely, all movement from sin becomes possible. God needs saints, but holiness begins with self-knowledge and true humility.

Romans 7:14-25

14 For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am of the flesh, sold into slavery under sin. 15 I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. 17 But in fact it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I that do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, 23 but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh I am a slave to the law of sin.

Framing Prayer 25 Jesuits and Dying to Self

Lord, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve you as you deserve; to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do your will.

If there was ever a prayer for the Church Militant, it is this prayer of St. Ignatius. If the lay Catholic would say this prayer daily, what a difference there would be in the families, parishes, universal Church.

Let me unpack this prayer and show how it is connected to dying to self.

1. Generosity. The life of a true Jesuit would be a definition of generosity-giving up one's will to God, as we saw in the Suscipe, indicates a generous spirit. And, remember, God will not be outdone in generosity.
2. Service, but as taught by God. Service in God is completely detached, objective, and never self-seeking. There is no room for the ego in true service to God.
3. Giving without cost....a parent knows this duty; a husband or wife knows this duty; many of our jobs demand such service without taking a look at the cost. How much more so for the building of the Kingdom...?
4. Fighting and not even looking at one's wounds-a good self-forgetfulness. Today, some young man told me he responded to the needs of his neighbors because he needed to do mortification for his sins--this is a healthy forgetfulness of pain and suffering when going out of one's way for another.
5. Not seeking rest--how many of us feel "entitled" to vacations, self-renewal days, and not find the task at hand refreshing because we are doing things for the wrong reasons?
6. No reward....none....just working out of sheer love for God and His creatures.
7. The will of God is the center of Jesuit dying to self--absolutely, not my will, but Thy will be done.

This little prayer could be memorized by any lay person and said during the day.

A true framework for out prayer is self-denial.

to be continued... one more on the Jesuits later...........

A Sudden Return to The Soul of The Apostolate

An unusual event made me return to the book I shared with you last week, The Soul of The Apostolate.

I would like to tie this section of the book to this event. A weak person I know, a man who admits to me that he is weak in the spiritual life, a beginner, had to perform a duty he did not expect. This person felt stretched and stressed by the people in his work world who are not really Christians. But, he also felt threatened by the really confident and active persons around him who claimed to be Christians. As a reflective person, he realized that his lack of prayer made him vulnerable to a loss of hope, a hardening of the heart, or a turning to craven fear, as he could see he was not up to the task he was asked to do.

Being around very confident and active people, this man fell into one temptation after another, until he felt he could not fulfill his responsibilities.  Then, he realized his complete dependence on God and prayer; that without prayer, he would fall into the worst sins of either presumption or despair, the twin sins of pride. He "woke up" to the fact that even the weakest member of the Church could be proud, and that all his venial sins came from this predominant fault.

How fortunate for him that he saw his weakness and finally called upon Our Lady Mary and Our Lord to help him with his task.

He has yet to complete this task, but he feels assured of help. Prayer first, action second.

How unlike this man is to the hyper-active one in his company. They both work "for the Church", but one in an unceasing pursuit of activity, and the other, my friend, in the awareness that prayer must precede action.

Here is a section from the book which illuminates what this man learned on his job.

A very active and energetic man, invited by us, at the beginning of a retreat, to look into his conscience and seek out the principal cause of his unhappiness, gave a perfect diagnosis in this answer which may seem at first sight incomprehensible: “My self-sacrifice is what has ruined me! My nature and temperament make it a joy for me to spend myself, and a pleasure to serve. What with the apparent success of my enterprises, the devil has contrived, for long years, to make everything work together for my deception, stirring me up to furious activity, filling me with disgust for all interior life, and finally leading me over the edge of the abyss.” This abnormal, not to say monstrous state of mind can be explained in one word. The worker for God, carried away by the pleasure of giving free rein to his natural energy, had let the divine life fade out, and thus lost the supernatural heat which had been stored up in him to make his apostolate effective and which would have helped his soul to resist the encroachments of the numbing ice of natural motives. He had worked, indeed, but far from the rays of the lifegiving sun. Magnae vires et cursus celerrimus, sed praeter viarn.* At the same time, his works, in them-selves very holy, had turned against the apostle like a weapon dangerous to wield, a two-edged sword which wounds the man who does not know how to use it. St. Bernard was warning Pope Bl. Eugenius III against just such a danger as this when he wrote: “I fear, lest in the midst of your occupations without number, you may lose hope of ever getting through with them, and allow your heart to harden. It would be very prudent of you to withdraw from such occupations, even if it be only for a little while, rather than let them get the better of you, and, little by little, lead you where you do not want to go. And where, you will ask, is that? To indifference. “Such is the end to which these accursed tasks (hae occupationes maledictae) will lead you; that is, if you keep on as you have begun, giving yourself entirely to diem, keeping nothing of yourself, for yourself.” “ Is there anything more lofty and more sacred than the government of the Church? Is there anything more useful for the glory of God and for the good of souls? And yet “accursed task,” St. Bernard calls them, if they are going to stand in the way of the interior life of the one who gives himself to them. What an expression, “accursed tasks/” It calls for a whole book, so terrifying is it, and so powerfully does it force one to think! It might arouse protest did it not flow from the pen of one so precise as a Doctor of the Church, a St. Bernard. 

2. The Active Worker Who Has No Interior Life 

To sum up such a one in a word; perhaps he is not yet tepid, but he is bound to become so. However, when a man is tepid, with a tepidity that is not merely in the feelings, or due to weakness, but residing in the will, that man has resigned himself to consent habitually to levity and neglect, or at any rate to cease fighting them. He has come to terms with deliberate venial sin, and by that very fact, he has robbed his soul of its assurance of eternal salvation. Indeed, he is disposing and even leading it on to mortal sin.10 Such also is St. Alphonsus’ teaching on tepidity, so well expounded by his disciple, Fr. Desurmont.11 Now how is it that, without an interior life, the active worker inevitably slides into tepidity? Inevitably, we say; and the only proof we need for this is the statement of a missionary bishop to his priests, a statement all the more terrifying by its truth, since it comes straight from a heart consumed with zeal for good works and filled with a spirit that goes clean contrary to anything that smacks of quietism. “There is one thing,” said Cardinal Lavigerie, “one thing of which you must be fully persuaded, and it is that for an apostle there is no halfway between total sanctity, at least faithfully and courageously desired and sought after, and absolute perversion.”

My friend, who does not mind that I share these thoughts and happenings and who believes his story will help others, also realized that his prayer had merely been sheer day-dreaming, a playing of his impure imagination, not a real meeting with God. What brought him to his senses was an event which brought him to the edge of a nervous breakdown.

He saw how unloving and mediocre his faith had been, but he also saw, that the rule, the measure of faith was not the amount of good works he did, but the intense quality of the work, doing his task for God alone and not men, being a true servant of Christ.

His sharing reminded me of this passage from the book:

Fr. (or Mr.) So-and-So feels within himself a growing desire to consecrate himself to good works. He has no experience whatever. But his liking for the apostolate gives us the right to suppose that he has a certain amount of fire, some impetuosity of character, is fond of action, and also perhaps, inclined to relish a bit of a fight. Let us imagine him to be correct in his conduct, a man of piety and even to devotion; but his piety is more in the feelings than in the will, and his devotion is not the light reflected by a soul resolute in seeking nothing but the good pleasure of God, but a pious routine, the result of praiseworthy habits. Mental prayer, if indeed he practices it at all, is for him a species of day-dreaming, and his spiritual reading is governed by curiosity, without any real influence on his conduct. Perhaps the devil even eggs him on by reason of an illusory artistic sense, which the poor soul mistakes for an “inner life,” to dabble in treatises on the lofty and extraordinary paths of union with God, and these fill him with admiration and enthusiasm. All in all, there is little genuine inner life, if any at all, in this soul which still has, we grant, a certain number of good habits, many natural assets and a certain loyal desire to be faithful to God; but that desire is altogether too vague. There you have our apostle, filled with his desire to throw himself into active works, and on the point of entering upon this ministry which is so completely new to him. It is not long before circumstances that inevitably arise from these works (as will readily be understood by anyone who has led the active life) produce a thousand-and-one occasions to draw him more and more out of himself; there are countless appeals to his naive curiosity, unnumbered occasions of falling into sin from which we may suppose he has hitherto been protected by the peaceful atmosphere of his home, his seminary, his community, or his novitiate — or at least by the guidance of an experienced director. Not only is there an increasing dissipation-, or the ever growing danger of a curiosity that has to find out all about everything; not only more and more displays of impatience or injured feelings, of vanity or jealousy, presumption or dejection, partiality or detraction, but there is also a progressive development of the weaknesses of his soul and of all the more or less subtle forms of sensuality. And all these foes are preparing to force an unrelenting battle upon this soul so ill-prepared for such violent and unceasing attacks. And it therefore falls victim to frequent wounds! Indeed, it is a wonder when there is any resistance at all on the part of a soul whose piety is so superficial — a soul already captivated by the too natural satisfaction it takes in pouring out its energies and exercising all its talents upon a worthy cause! Besides, the devil is wide awake, on the look-out for his anticipated prey. And far from disturbing this sense of satisfaction, he does all in his power to encourage it. Yet a day comes when the soul scents danger. The .guardian angel has had something to say: conscience has registered a protest. Now would be the time to take hold of himself, to examine himself in the calm atmosphere of a retreat, to resolve to draw up a schedule and follow it rigorously, even at the cost of neglecting the occasions of trouble to which he has become so attached. 

And, this is what my friend discovered, the absolute need for a schedule for prayer. But, he also saw the pit he narrowly avoided, one which many priests and laity have fallen into. Let Father Chautard continue....

This is what my friend escaped, just in time:

Alas! It is already late in the day! He has already tasted the pleasure of seeing his efforts crowned with the most encouraging success. “Tomorrow! tomorrow!” he mumbles. “Today, it is out of the question. There simply is no time. I have got to go on with this series of sermons, write this article, organize this committee, or that ‘charity,’ put on this play, go on that trip — or catch up with my mail.” How happy he is to reassure himself with all these pretexts! For the mere thought of being left alone, face to face with his own conscience, has become unbearable to him. The time has come when the devil can have a free hand to encompass the ruin of a soul that has shown itself disposed to be such a willing accomplice. The ground is prepared. Since activity has become a passion in his victim, he now fans it into a raging fever. Since it has become intolerable for him to even think of forgetting his urgent affairs and recollecting himself, the demon increases that loathing into sheer horror, and takes care at the same time to intoxicate the soul with fresh enterprises, skillfully colored with the attractive motives of God’s glory and the greater good of souls. And now our friend, up to so recently a man of virtuous habits, is going from weakness to ever greater weakness, and will soon place his foot upon an incline so slippery that he will be utterly unable to keep himself from falling. Deep in his heart he is miserable, and vaguely realizes that all this agitation is not according to the Heart of God, but the only result is that he hurls himself even more blindly into the whirlpool in order to drown his remorse. His faults are piled up to a fatal degree. Things that used to trouble the upright conscience of this man are now despised as vain scruples. He is fond of proclaiming that a man ought to live with the times, meet the enemy on equal terms, and so he praises the active virtues to the skies, expressing nothing but scorn for what he disdainfully calls “the piety of a bygone day.” Anyway, his enterprises prosper more than ever. Everybody is talking about them. Each day witnesses some new success. “God is blessing our work,” exclaims the deluded man, over whom, tomorrow, perhaps the angels will be weeping for a mortal sin. How did this soul fall into so lamentable a state? Inexperience, presumption, vanity, carelessness, and cowardice are the answer. Haphazardly, without stopping to reflect on his inadequate spiritual resources, he threw himself into the midst of dangers. When his reserves of the interior life ran out, he found himself in the position of an uncautious swimmer who has no longer the strength to fight against the current, and is being swept away to the abyss. 

After my friend finishes his last job at his present assignment, he is considering leaving the world and becoming either a contemplative, or a hermit. Why? He now knows he is too weak to handle the demands of the active life, a life demanding a holiness he does not have.  His newly found humility brings him to rely on God alone.

He shared that he was on the brink of a complete separation from reality, when God saved him by showing him what the good father who wrote this book describes below.

“Short of a miracle,” says St. Alphonsus, “a man who does not practice mental prayer will end up in mortal sin.” And St. Vincent de Paul tells us: “A man without mental prayer is not good for anything; he cannot even renounce the slightest thing. “It is merely the life of an animal.’” Some authors quote St. Theresa as having said: “Without mental prayer a person soon becomes either a brute or a devil. If you do not practice mental prayer, you don’t need any devil to throw you into hell, you throw yourself in there of your own accord. On the contrary, give me the greatest of all sinners; if he practices mental prayer, be it only for fifteen minutes every day, he will be converted. If he perseveres in it, his eternal salvation is assured.” The experience of priests and religious vowed to active works is enough to establish that an apostolic worker who, under pretext of being too busy or too tired, or else out of repugnance, or laziness, or some illusion, is too easily brought to cut down his meditation to ten or fifteen minutes instead of binding himself to half an hour’s serious mental prayer from which he might draw plenty of energy and drive for his day’s work, will inevitably fall into tepidity of the will. In this stage, it is no longer a matter of avoiding imperfections. His soul is crawling with venial sins. The ever growing impossibility of vigilance over his heart makes most of these faults pass unnoticed by his conscience. The soul has disposed itself in such a manner that it cannot and will not see. How will such a one fight against things which he no longer regards as defects? His lingering disease is already far advanced. Such is the consequence ....(of) the giving up of mental prayer and of a daily schedule

My friend shared that he saw the absolute need for scheduling "meetings with God" and keeping to that schedule. When he came back from a trip which took him to a part of the world with which he was not familiar, he recognized that he had to rely completely on God for peace, as he no longer had any self-confidence. Now, he was ready for complete dependence on God. He told me that this trip opened his eyes to the great amount of people in the world who were impervious to the interior life, afraid of both their reason and their emotions. They lacked the vigilance over their heart explained in the book I am quoting. He noted that he now came to the great insight that he had to rely on God for all good works. And how to prove this reliance on the Almighty, was prayer and a schedule.

My friend was one step away from this description of a lost soul:

Genuine prayer is no longer to be found in this soul. He prays in a rush, with interruptions that have not the slightest justification; all is done neglectfully, sleepily, with many delays, putting it off until the last minute, at the risk of being finally overcome by sleep. And, perhaps, now and again, he skips parts of the office and leaves them out. All of this transforms what should be a medicine into a poison. The sacrifice of praise becomes a long litany of sins, and sins which may end up by being more than venial.  

This good man was on the verge of complete insanity. And why? Here is more of the description of what he was about to become.

This disorder in the mind brings with it a corresponding unruliness in the imagination. Of all our powers, this one is the most in need of being repressed at this stage. And yet it never even occurs to him to put on the brakes! Therefore, having free rein, it runs wild. No exaggeration, no madness, is too much for it. And the progressive suppression of all mortification of the eyes soon gives this crazy tenant of his soul opportunities to forage wherever it wills, in lush pastures! The disorder pursues its course. From the mind and the imagination it gets down into the affections. The heart is filled with nothing but will-o’-the-wisps. What is going to become of this dissipated heart, scarcely concerned anymore with the Kingdom of God within itself? It has become insensible to the joys of intimacy with Christ, to the marvelous poetry of the Mysteries, to the severe beauty of the Liturgy, to the appeals and attractions of God in the Blessed Eucharist. It is, in a word, insensible to the influences of the supernatural world. What will become of it? Shall it concentrate upon itself? Suicide! No. It must have affection. No longer finding happiness in God, it will love creatures. It is at the mercy of the first occasion for such love. It flings itself without prudence or control into the breach, without a care perhaps even for the most sacred of vows, nor for the highest interests of the Church, nor even for its own reputation. Let us suppose that such a heart would still be upset by the thought of apostasy—and profoundly so. But still, it feels far less fear at the thought of scandalizing souls. Thanks be to God, it is doubtless the exception for anyone to follow this course to the very limit. But is there anyone incapable of seeing that this getting tired of God, and accepting forbidden pleasures, can drag the heart down to the worst of disasters? Starting from the fact that “the sensual man perceiveth not the things that are of the Spirit of God,” 1!l we must necessarily end up with: “He who was reared in the purple has embraced dung.” 20 Obstinate clinging to illusion, blindness of mind, hardness of heart all follow one another in progressive stages. We can expect anything. To crown his misfortunes, the will is now found to be, though not destroyed, reduced to’ such a state of weakness and flabbiness that it is practically impotent. Do not ask him to fight back with vigor; that would make a simple effort, and all you will get will be the despairing answer, “I can’t.” Now a man who is no longer capable of making any effort, at this stage, is on the way to dreadful calamities.

And, here comes the great insight of this friend of mine--that the reason there is so much homosexuality in the priesthood even at the level of the bishops, is that the imagination of these men spun out of control because of the setting aside of the discipline of prayer and the keeping of a schedule.

How can such a serious sin follow something which seems merely like "time management" problems? The hyper-active priests forgot the one thing necessary--the bridal love for Christ. Here is yet one more selection from the book. The lack of silence and prayer allowed the imagination to go wild and want more and more involvement with humans instead of with God. Pride and homosexuality grew together in the soul and in the body.  He believes that the sin of the action is not a great rebellion, but a great deception of the imagination seeking gods rather than God. In other words, one falls into idolatry.

That admirable Jesuit, Fr. Lallemant, takes us right back to the first cause of these disasters when he says: “There are many apostolic workers who never do anything purely for God. In all things, they seek themselves, and they are always secretly mingling their own interests with the glory of God in the best of their work. And so they spend their life in this intermingling of nature and grace. Finally death comes along, and then alone do they open their eyes, behold their deception, and tremble at the approach of the formidable judgment of God.” 21  

Here it is in a nutshell--self-love instead of self-denial; activity without grace; imagination without purification; the lack of humility.

The event to which I referred was this man's awakening to the fact of his complete and utter dependence on God and the fact that he could do no good without prayer. He is a recovering workaholic and a beginner in true prayer.

His story is why I returned today to The Soul of The Apostolate. He noted that until he comes into the illuminative state, he will remain hidden and ask God for a new apostolate.

Since holiness is nothing but the interior life carried to such a point that the will is in close union with the will of God, ordinarily, and short of a miracle of grace, the soul will not arrive at this point without traveling through all the stages of the purgative and illuminative lives — and that with many and grueling efforts. Let us take note of a law of the spiritual life, that all through the course of the sanctification of a soul, the activity of God and that of the soul are in inverse proportion to one another. From day to day God does more and more of the work, and the soul does less and less. The activity of God in the souls of the perfect is something quite different from His activity in the souls of beginners. In the latter, being less obvious, it consists mostly in inciting and sustaining vigilance and suppliant prayer, thus offering them a means of obtaining grace for new efforts. But, the perfect God acts in a much more complete fashion, and sometimes all He asks is a simple consent, that will unite the soul to His supreme action.

maybe to be continued....one more paragraph from Father Chautard:

Beginners, even the tepid soul and the sinner, whom the Lord wants to draw close to Himself, feel themselves first of all moved to seek God, then to prove to Him more and more their desire of pleasing Him, and finally to rejoice in all providential opportunities that permit them to dislodge self-love from its throne and set up, in its place, the reign of Christ alone. In such cases, the action of God is confined to stimulation and to help. In the saint this action is far more powerful and far more entire. In the midst of weariness and suffering, satiated with humiliations or crushed by illness, the saint has nothing to do but abandon himself to the divine action; otherwise he would be unable to bear the torments which, according to the designs of God, are intended to bring his perfection to full maturity. In him is fully realized the text: “God put all things under Him that God may be all in all.”‘” He depends so completely upon Christ for all things that he seems no longer to live by himself. Such was the testimony of the apostle, with regard to himself: “I live, now not I, but Christ liveth in me.” 2S It is the spirit of Christ alone that does the thinking and the acting, and makes all the decisions. No doubt this divinization is far from achieving the intensity that it will have in glory, and yet this state already reflects the characteristics of the beatific union

Consolation in Desolation

“The patient man is better than the valiant.” 27 God is pleased with a person who practices mortification by fasting, hair-cloths, and disciplines, on account of the courage displayed in such mortifications; but he is much more pleased with those who have the courage to bear patiently and gladly such crosses as come from His Own Divine hand. St. Francis de Sales said, "Such mortifications as come to us from the hand of God, or from men by His permission, are always more precious than those which are the offspring of our own will; for it is a general rule, that wherever there is less of our own choice, God is better pleased, and we ourselves derive greater profit." 28 St. Teresa taught the same thing: "We gain more in one day by the oppositions which come to us from God or our neighbor than by ten years of mortifications of self infliction." 

St Alphonsus wrote this.

All this time, I thought and had heard from spiritual fathers, that mortifications chosen were more worthy than those just given. but apparently some of the great saints tell us otherwise.

Suddenly, I feel blessed in all these trials which I have to face. Praise God, as I am learning patience.

St. Francis de Sales notes that these sufferings from God teach us patience and longsuffering. This is so true.

St. Teresa of Avila's comment brings consolation, as today was one of those days of oppositions from God, and even friends.

So be it.

" 29 Wherefore St. Mary Magdalene of Pazzi made the generous declaration, that there could not be found in the whole world an affliction so severe, but what she would gladly bear with the thought that it came from God; and, in fact, during the five years of severe trial which the Saint underwent, it was enough to restore peace to her soul to remember that it was by the will of God that she so suffered."

Generosity of spirit is key, not being stingy in one's attitude towards God.

"One day St. Gertrude asked our Lord what she could offer Him most acceptable, and He replied, "My child, thou canst do nothing more gratifying to Me than to submit patiently to all the tribulations that befall thee." Wherefore the great servant of God, Sister Victoria Angelini, affirmed that one day of crucifixion was worth a hundred years of all other spiritual exercises. And the Venerable Father John of Avila said, "One 'blessed be God' in contrarieties is worth more than a thousand thanksgivings in prosperity." Alas, how little men know of the inestimable value of afflictions endured for God! " http://www.basilica.org/pages/ebooks/St.%20Alphonsus%20Liguori-The%20Practice%20of%20the%20Love%20of%20Jesus%20Christ.pdf

Well, I am finally learning...praise God. Can I add up my days of crucifixion, the worst of which  or not seeing STS, or not being able to use one gifts, or not being able worship God as He deserves because of frailty, distance, poverty?

To be emptied of all desires is truly a gift from God.

One more quotation:

 "To attain union with God, adversities are indispensable; because by them God aims at destroying all our corrupt propensities within and without. And hence all injuries, contempts, infirmities, abandonment of relatives and friends, confusions, temptations, and other mortifications, all are in the highest degree necessary for us, in order that we may carry on the fight, until by repeated victories we come to extinguish within us all vicious movements, so that they are no longer felt; and we shall never arrive at Divine union until adversities, instead of seeming bitter to us, become all sweet for God's sake." It follows, then, that a soul that sincerely desires to belong to God must be resolved as St. John of the Cross 26 writes, not to seek enjoyments in this life, but to suffer in all things; she must embrace with eagerness all voluntary mortifications, and with still greater eagerness those which are involuntary, since they are the more welcome to Almighty God."

Prayer from St. Alphonsus for this intention:

My dear and beloved Jesus, my treasure, I have deserved by my offenses never more to be allowed to love Thee; but by Thy merits, I entreat Thee, make me worthy of Thy pure love. I love Thee above all things; and I repent with my whole heart of having ever despised Thee, and driven Thee from my soul; but now I love Thee more than myself; I love Thee with all my heart, O infinite good! I love Thee, I love Thee, I love Thee, and I have not a wish besides that of loving Thee perfectly; nor have I a fear besides that of ever seeing myself deprived of Thy love. O my most loving Redeemer, enable me to know how great a good Thou art, and how great is the love Thou hast borne me in order to oblige me to love Thee! Ah, my God, suffer me not to live any longer unmindful of so much goodness! Enough have I offended Thee. I will never leave Thee again; I wish to employ all the remainder of my days in loving Thee, and in pleasing Thee. My Jesus, my Love, lend me Thine aid; help a sinner who wishes to love Thee and to be wholly Thine own. O Mary my hope, thy Son hears thee; pray to Him in my behalf, and obtain for me the grace of loving Him perfectly!

Spe Salvi Seven

The Pope Emeritus has much to say about suffering and hope. Perhaps to some, suffering and hope seem contradictory, but suffering actually leads to real hope, not false optimism or fantasy.

36. Like action, suffering is a part of our human existence. Suffering stems partly from our finitude, and partly from the mass of sin which has accumulated over the course of history, and continues to grow unabated today. 

Suffering comes from our humanity, Original Sin, and personal sins. We cannot avoid it and still be authentic human beings. Justice demands that we try and help those who are suffering either physically, or spiritually-hence the corporal and spiritual works of mercy all are called to do.

Sadly, Catholics are less likely to be really involved in either. Why this is, can only be sin, the sin of complacency.

Certainly we must do whatever we can to reduce suffering: to avoid as far as possible the suffering of the innocent; to soothe pain; to give assistance in overcoming mental suffering. These are obligations both in justice and in love, and they are included among the fundamental requirements of the Christian life and every truly human life. Great progress has been made in the battle against physical pain; yet the sufferings of the innocent and mental suffering have, if anything, increased in recent decades. Indeed, we must do all we can to overcome suffering, but to banish it from the world altogether is not in our power. This is simply because we are unable to shake off our finitude and because none of us is capable of eliminating the power of evil, of sin which, as we plainly see, is a constant source of suffering. 

The age-old question of why suffering has been answered-we all have free will. Many people choose evil, as I see daily, even in this small neighborhood.  Only God has the ability to end suffering by ending sin. But, to Him, our free wills are sacred. And, we do make daily choices for good or for evil.

Only God is able to do this: only a God who personally enters history by making himself man and suffering within history. We know that this God exists, and hence that this power to “take away the sin of the world” (Jn 1:29) is present in the world. Through faith in the existence of this power, hope for the world's healing has emerged in history. It is, however, hope—not yet fulfilment; hope that gives us the courage to place ourselves on the side of good even in seemingly hopeless situations, aware that, as far as the external course of history is concerned, the power of sin will continue to be a terrible presence.

Keeping our eyes on Christ, especially on the Passion and Resurrection, give us hope. But, we hope in eternal life, not merely comfort zones on earth. We hope for salvation.

37. Let us return to our topic. We can try to limit suffering, to fight against it, but we cannot eliminate it. It is when we attempt to avoid suffering by withdrawing from anything that might involve hurt, when we try to spare ourselves the effort and pain of pursuing truth, love, and goodness, that we drift into a life of emptiness, in which there may be almost no pain, but the dark sensation of meaninglessness and abandonment is all the greater.

To me, it is frightening how many people just drift, just follow the paths of least resistance to sin instead of embracing suffering. Life is hard, period, and for those of us who suffer willingly, graces follow.

 It is not by sidestepping or fleeing from suffering that we are healed, but rather by our capacity for accepting it, maturing through it and finding meaning through union with Christ, who suffered with infinite love. 

Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman wrote that a man knows how to suffer and accepts suffering. One can see the problem of too many "boys" who refuse to accept and take on suffering-not wanting to move out in courage and take responsibility for life.

In this context, I would like to quote a passage from a letter written by the Vietnamese martyr Paul Le-Bao-Tinh († 1857) which illustrates this transformation of suffering through the power of hope springing from faith. “I, Paul, in chains for the name of Christ, wish to relate to you the trials besetting me daily, in order that you may be inflamed with love for God and join with me in his praises, for his mercy is for ever (Ps 136 [135]). The prison here is a true image of everlasting Hell: to cruel tortures of every kind—shackles, iron chains, manacles—are added hatred, vengeance, calumnies, obscene speech, quarrels, evil acts, swearing, curses, as well as anguish and grief. But the God who once freed the three children from the fiery furnace is with me always; he has delivered me from these tribulations and made them sweet, for his mercy is for ever. In the midst of these torments, which usually terrify others, I am, by the grace of God, full of joy and gladness, because I am not alone —Christ is with me ... 

I asked a priest to pray for me a few days ago as I have to move again and do not know where. I have four weeks here. The priest wrote to me and said, "You are not alone.." No, I am not, although I have no persons helping me with permanency which is also freedom. 

Christ is with me, but the suffering Christ, the Christ Who sees my desires and needs and suffers with me, in me, around me. The Cross becomes my focus. I can only pray to rest in God, even if my rest is at the foot of the Cross.

How am I to bear with the spectacle, as each day I see emperors, mandarins, and their retinue blaspheming your holy name, O Lord, who are enthroned above the Cherubim and Seraphim? (cf. Ps 80:1 [79:2]). Behold, the pagans have trodden your Cross underfoot! Where is your glory? As I see all this, I would, in the ardent love I have for you, prefer to be torn limb from limb and to die as a witness to your love. O Lord, show your power, save me, sustain me, that in my infirmity your power may be shown and may be glorified before the nations ... 

The martyrs give us courage. If they could endure out of love, would not God help me endure out of love?

Beloved brothers, as you hear all these things may you give endless thanks in joy to God, from whom every good proceeds; bless the Lord with me, for his mercy is for ever ... I write these things to you in order that your faith and mine may be united. In the midst of this storm I cast my anchor towards the throne of God, the anchor that is the lively hope in my heart”

God never asks the impossible. Therefore, if He puts us in tremendous suffering, He wills us grace as well. This martyr shares his grace with us.

[28]. This is a letter from “Hell”. It lays bare all the horror of a concentration camp, where to the torments inflicted by tyrants upon their victims is added the outbreak of evil in the victims themselves, such that they in turn become further instruments of their persecutors' cruelty. This is indeed a letter from Hell, but it also reveals the truth of the Psalm text: “If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I sink to the nether world, you are present there ... If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light' —for you darkness itself is not dark, and night shines as the day; darkness and light are the same” (Ps 139 [138]:8-12; cf. also Ps 23 [22]:4). Christ descended into “Hell” and is therefore close to those cast into it, transforming their darkness into light. Suffering and torment is still terrible and well- nigh unbearable. 

The Harrowing of Hell is a credal belief-"He descended into hell". Hell did not all of the sudden become clean and bright, joyful and glorious for Christ's descent.  No, He went down to lead those who had waited for His Redemptive Action on the Cross to free them.

So, too, we wait and hope, wait and hope.

Yet the star of hope has risen—the anchor of the heart reaches the very throne of God. Instead of evil being unleashed within man, the light shines victorious: suffering—without ceasing to be suffering—becomes, despite everything, a hymn of praise.

A grateful and generous heart finds praise amidst suffering. Sometimes this praise is merely being with Christ on Golgotha, just being, silent, watching, waiting.

38. The true measure of humanity is essentially determined in relationship to suffering and to the sufferer. This holds true both for the individual and for society. A society unable to accept its suffering members and incapable of helping to share their suffering and to bear it inwardly through “com-passion” is a cruel and inhuman society. 

Our own nation lets women and men kill their Down's Syndrome children in the womb, in order to avoid suffering. Our own nation is moving towards euthanasia, in order to avoid taking care of the suffering. The poor are ignored and the homeless made illegal in order for people to avoid seeing and responding to suffering.

Many nations have become cruel. Another name for this approach is utilitarianism. If a person seems useless, kill them, says the utilitarian. Society only wants the strong, the rich, the beautiful. But, this attitude creates a false paradise. 

Yet society cannot accept its suffering members and support them in their trials unless individuals are capable of doing so themselves; moreover, the individual cannot accept another's suffering unless he personally is able to find meaning in suffering, a path of purification and growth in maturity, a journey of hope. 

Here it is..the great theme of this blog...purification and maturity only come through suffering.

Why are there so many Peter Pans and Peter Pams? Because these people run away from suffering. Women know that if a man cannot suffer when they are dating, that man is not marriage material. Waiting is love.

Why are there so many men and women who refuse to get married, make commitments, have children, endure illness in others and so on? Because they refuse to take on suffering. To choose to really love is to choose to die to self.

Indeed, to accept the “other” who suffers, means that I take up his suffering in such a way that it becomes mine also. Because it has now become a shared suffering, though, in which another person is present, this suffering is penetrated by the light of love. 

In America, suffering isolates people, because most people do not want to reach out of their comfort zones in order to share with someone else's suffering. 

This is why so many of us who suffer find ourselves alone. We become invisible.

The Latin word con-solatio, “consolation”, expresses this beautifully. It suggests being with the other in his solitude, so that it ceases to be solitude. Furthermore, the capacity to accept suffering for the sake of goodness, truth and justice is an essential criterion of humanity, because if my own well-being and safety are ultimately more important than truth and justice, then the power of the stronger prevails, then violence and untruth reign supreme. 

Why do those who refuse to stand up for Truth hate those who do? Because deep down inside, they know they are avoiding suffering and they do not want to be reminded of this. Solitude becomes the life of too many people who suffer because there are no consolers.

Truth and justice--first. Seeking security and safety leads to great sin-deceit, lust, fear, avarice...then a nation loses its soul.

Truth and justice must stand above my comfort and physical well-being, or else my life itself becomes a lie. 

Daily I see and meet people living lies. Their entire lifestyle is one of deceit. They lie because they refuse to face justice and truth.

Deceit leads to greater sins of addiction to porn, fantasy, lust, and most obviously here in the States, avarice. If one cannot ever be uncomfortable, one will lose one's soul. 

In the end, even the “yes” to love is a source of suffering, because love always requires expropriations of my “I”, in which I allow myself to be pruned and wounded. Love simply cannot exist without this painful renunciation of myself, for otherwise it becomes pure selfishness and thereby ceases to be love.

Benedict has just summarizes the entire perfection series in one paragraph.

"Love simply cannot exist without this painful renunciation of myself, for otherwise it become pure selfishness and thereby ceases to be love."

Adultery, sodomy, graft, abortion, contraception, and all mortal sins come from pure selfishness.

To love is to be wounded, to be open to pain. If one is not, one will never experience real love. Never...and never is a long time.

to be continued...