Perhaps, it is because I am an INTJ and we do not make lots of friends, but few and good ones, but when I lose a friend, I feel it for a long time. I let go, but I never stop loving an old friend, or a new one.
Now, by losing a friend, I do not mean in death, but in circumstances. There can be many reasons why friends are lost.
Distance, illness, changes in family status, poverty, or the worst, a change of lifestyle or philosophy of life. Perhaps the friend just does not want to be friends any more for some unknown reason.
Losing a friend because he or she has gone out of one's circle is a hard phenomenon with which to come to terms. Sometimes the reasons are painfully obvious.
A good Catholic decides to move in with his partner and cuts off old friends for new ones.
A person has a husband or wife who dislikes you, the old friend from the past.
A Christian can no longer pretend that his or her anti-Catholicism is not real and deep.
A friend becomes hyper-critical as you are not following his or her plan for your life. They had an agenda.
Perhaps the person cannot be a friend for a long time, but is merely a fair-weather friend.
Whatever the reason, losing friends is most painful when it involves a Catholic leaving the Church and ditching his or her Catholic contacts.
For me, this is so hard. If only that person would talk to me, or want to understand his or her own reticence.
If only that person would reach out of his or her small world into mine or let me enter into his or her world of Faith.
But, friendship must be free, totally free, and therefore, when the friend leaves and distances his or her self from the group or sphere in which I live, I let go. Sadly, for love of friends is a rare and special gift.
I never stop loving old friends, even though I may never see them again. I love people I have not seen for a year, or five years, or ten years. No matter. Friendship has no boundaries of time or place, if it is real.
And for me, on my part, friendship is always authentic. The friend for a while influenced me and I influenced her or him for the better. For a while, we grew together, yet with great respect and boundaries. We shared parts of our lives. We shared God in our lives.
Love is nothing if not free. Freely given and freely taken, and sometimes, freely withheld. So be it.
