Antonio stood by the large glass windows facing the mountains near Queen's Creek. He was not in a good mood. In fact, he was very close to going back to Texas and then to Louisiana, somehow. His thoughts were not necessarily rational, but he saw a type of slavery here, a type of confusion not seen in the barn Masses in Louisiana. There, the Catholics caught between the GATS and the Chinese knew their lives were like smoke-here and gone. They lived in the present moment, like the Nuncio had stressed when referring to his odd, sand-less hourglass. Here, even the nuns seemed wrapped up in a false security, seemingly insured by Carl and his rogue businessmen, his Chinese deserters, who used him to make it in Mexico. This set-up reminded Antonio of discussions on the old Church in Sicily before the troubles purged all connections with the Mafia. Gone were the old ties there, dying in the blood of martyrs and the amazing conversion of many who stood at the edge of ruin and the grave. Reality therapy had saved souls.
Here, in this beautiful "safe house" guarded by those loyal to Carl, Antonio felt "bought", pandered to because he was a priest. The cutting edge of living life as a sign of contradiction simply was absent from those in his immediate group. Oh, yes, the nuns prayed seven times a day and he said Masses for the living and the dead, but they were totally dependent on Carl for all their physical needs. Antonio felt that he was "keeping" them, like an insurance policy for the afterlife. Something was not right.
The young priest served the nuns and a small community of Catholics who managed to walk out in the dark to this remote plot of land beneath the mountains. About 30 Catholics, all adults, no children, came to the bi-weekly Mass Antonio had established. He heard confessions. He baptized and confirmed an adult convert who had waited a long time for a missionary priest. One day, he asked the nuns why there were no children.
"Do not talk about this. The Chinese stole all the children. Like the story of the Pied Piper, all those under 18 disappeared under the mountain. This happened when the invasion first took place and the army was strong, before they were abandoned by their own government." Antonio could hardly believe this story. "And," the nun continued, "many of our congregation are parents who have lost their children. Do not, at least now, bring this up. There are no children within a 100 mile radius of the San Tan Mountain region."
Antonio promised to be silent on this subject. It seemed bizarre to him, in keeping with the entire organization. He grew increasingly uncomfortable. The priest had to pray about this situation. His gut reactions told him that what was unseen was more malicious than what was visible.
He did not blame the nuns for any confusion or deceit. They were relying on a supposedly good Catholic man for protection and the necessities of life itself. Antonio's doubts did not include judgment.
However, his own instincts came to the surface into his mind when Mother General came to him one night, alone and asking for spiritual counseling. She wanted his advice.
"We are in a dangerous position here and we know it. But, I am concerned about the souls of my young nuns, and as you have seen, they are all young. They seem, well, out of touch with the Cross. We grateful were taken from death by those who now have died, so that we could come here and pray and serve God. But, Antonio, should we have stayed and been martyred? I sometimes think I made the wrong decision coming here to what I thought was a place to serve the Church through prayer. But, we are not suffering, except in anxiety, not knowing what will happen day by day. Did I make the wrong decision for my little congregation? Did I run away from the Cross God offered all of us?"
Now, Antonio knew how to respond to this series of questions. His gut feelings had proved good and true.
"Mother, I think you were wrong. But, God will give you another opportunity to show Him that you love Him more than life. Make a good confession, repent, and move on. God is good and offers us the crown again and again. I know this is so."
Mother's eyes filled with tears. She accepted the rebuke she sensed was coming. She confessed not obeying the Will of God and for leading her nuns away from God's Will.
Antonio knew that he could stay now. He knew he had a spiritual sister in Mother whose eyes had been opened by grace. He knew they would both be offered the crown of glory through suffering. He rested in the peace of the Cross.
To be continued....
