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| Song of Songs from the Winchester Bible |
The denial of self-will and the denial of self-love are the two largest necessities in the journey to perfection. All the saints who write on perfection note that these two tendencies, the one to want what one wants instead of deferring to the Will of God, and the second to love one's self more than loving God form the biggest obstacles to holiness.
To be rid of self-will means that one has no preferences in one's life as to events, attachments, things, people, plans. St. Alphonsus got to the point where he could write that he had no preferences at all in his life for anything.
The lacking of preferences includes not having favorite foods, clothes, houses, music, paintings and so on. But, this level of holiness is not merely "hating" things, but appreciating the place these things have in one's life, which is, simply secondary to the will and to the love of God.
Self-love may be much harder to overcome than self-will. Illness destroys self-will, for example, as does poverty, as one can no longer decide places, things and events for one's self. A person who is confined to bed in a prolonged illness finds that giving up one's will is essential to peace.
Self-love has to do with preferring one's self to God. The mystery of self-love is that most people miss what this actually means. Self-love means seeing one's self as the real sinner one is. One comes to see the horribleness of one's sins in the fact of the Purity and Greatness of God. Humility overcomes both self-will and self-love, but many people fight the purification process God allows, even for years and years, missing the point of suffering.
Suffering can be and is frequently wasted. One can be struck down with illness and be angry, instead of resigned, for example. Or one can be thrust into poverty and hate being poor, raging against God.
One can hate the rich, be stuck in the sin of envy, instead of accepting poverty as a mercy, a grace.
Only God can help us through the purgation of self-will and self-love. And, only a tremendous love of God gets one through this stage.
I compare this purgation to a woman getting ready for a marriage. Maybe she is overweight and is determined to look fantastic on her wedding day. She decides to go on a diet, exercise, take care of her body in a new way, as she will soon be in an intimate relationship with the beloved. If one is wealthy enough, a woman may go to spas and get ready for the wedding day in style. We see this process in the Book of Esther.
Esther represents the soul preparing for God in an allegorical interpretation.
Esther 2
Douay-Rheims
2 After this, when the wrath of king Assuerus was appeased, he remembered Vasthi, and what she had done and what she had suffered:
2 And the king's servants and his officers said: Let young women be sought for the king, virgins and beautiful,
3 And let some persons be sent through all the provinces to look for beautiful maidens and virgins: and let them bring them to the city of Susan, and put them into the house of the women under the hand of Egeus the eunuch, who is the overseer and keeper of the king's women: and let them receive women's ornaments, and other things necessary for their use.
4 And whosoever among them all shall please the king's eyes, let her be queen instead of Vasthi. The word pleased the king: and he commanded it should be done as they had suggested.
5 There was a man in the city of Susan, a Jew, named Mardochai, the son of Jair, the son of Semei, the son of Cis, of the race of Jemini,
6 Who had been carried away from Jerusalem at the time that Nabuchodonosor king of Babylon carried away Jechonias king of Juda,
7 And he had brought up his brother's daughter Edissa, who by another name was called Esther: now she had lost both her parents: and was exceeding fair and beautiful. And her father and mother being dead, Mardochai adopted her for his daughter.
8 And when the king's ordinance was noised abroad, and according to his commandment many beautiful virgins were brought to Susan, and were delivered to Egeus the eunuch: Esther also among the rest of the maidens was delivered to him to be kept in the number of the women.
9 And she pleased him, and found favour in his sight. And he commanded the eunuch to hasten the women's ornaments, and to deliver to her her part, and seven of the most beautiful maidens of the king's house, and to adorn and deck out both her and her waiting maids.
10 And she would not tell him her people nor her country. For Mardochai had charged her to say nothing at all of that:
11 And he walked every day before the court of the house, in which the chosen virgins were kept, having a care for Esther's welfare, and desiring to know what would befall her.
12 Now when every virgin's turn came to go in to the king, after all had been done for setting them off to advantage, it was the twelfth month: so that for six months they were anointed with oil of myrrh, and for other six months they used certain perfumes and sweet spices.
13 And when they were going in to the king, whatsoever they asked to adorn themselves they received: and being decked out, as it pleased them, they passed from the chamber of the women to the king's chamber.
14 And she that went in at evening, came out in the morning, and from thence she was conducted to the second house, that was under the hand of Susagaz the eunuch, who had the charge over the king's concubines: neither could she return any more to the king, unless the king desired it, and had ordered her by name to come.
15 And as the time came orderly about, the day was at hand, when Esther, the daughter of Abihail the brother of Mardochai, whom he had adopted for his daughter, was to go in to the king. But she sought not women's ornaments, but whatsoever Egeus the eunuch the keeper of the virgins had a mind, he gave her to adorn her. For she was exceeding fair, and her incredible beauty made her appear agreeable and amiable in the eyes of all.
16 So she was brought to the chamber of king Assuerus the tenth month, which is called Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign.
17 And the king loved her more than all the women, and she had favour and kindness before him above all the women, and he set the royal crown on her head, and made her queen instead of Vasthi.
One should be working on the spiritual life just as one works on the physical life of the body. Prayer is like dieting and mortification like exercise. Such things hurt, but the end, the goal is a new soul, a soul less burdened by sin and corruption, a soul cleansed of concupiscence.
Such is the time of the Dark Night. One is working hard to prepare for the revelation of the Bridegroom, getting ready to be at "one's best". Only love can provide such a motivation for the suffering of the Dark Night.
Purity and goodness won the heart of the king in the Book of Esther. So, too, the purified soul wins the Heart of God. Is not purgation worth this Love?
To be continued...
