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Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Muktarmen vs. Valiant Women

thanks to wikimedia for Abram and Sarai
I dedicate this post to a Valiant Woman I know who is the mother of many children and the helpmate of her husband.

I was in a very large metropolitan area, attending a TLM and then going to the coffee afterwards. I had an experience only endured one other time in another land far away.

After one of these odd experiences, I spoke with a TLM priest, a rather famous one in some parts, about my encounter with men of certain kind. He said he had noticed this type of perversion of the marriage relationship in other communities as well.

These men were out of a different planet. I call them the "muktarmen" "Muktarmen" are men who treat their wives like children. They are men who do not understand the sacrament of marriage and who do not understand the place of the wife as "helpmate", equal in person-hood with a different role in the marriage.

I was talking with several people around a coffee table in a large parish with hundreds of people at the TLM. As usual, I began speaking with the couples sitting around with their young children.

Two men made it very clear that I should not have been talking to the men, but only the women. I was mildly bemused, but then watched how they treated their wives. They treated their wives, even in public, as children.

This type of misunderstanding among trad men involves a mindset that women are not equal to men. They micromanage the home, not giving the wife the rule of the house, as is her role, in shopping, cooking, cleaning, decorating, and even doing the chequebook.

Some of them do not let their wives join any groups except those attach to the Church. and worse, as one wife of one of the muktarmen told me, the daughters do not have to go to college or learn any skills for the outside world because muktarman wants them all to get married.


I was so upset after encountering these couples that I spoke to a TLM priest about this phenomenon of the muktarmen. He admitted he had met this before and was thinking of addressing this somehow, but that it was a tricky subject in his parish.

How did this false subjection of wives to their husbands happen? How is it that muktarmen never learned what a wife really is-the person who will help them get to heaven and who frequently is given great wisdom for the family. She is the one who raises their children to be saints mostly.

Older women are there to impart wisdom to the younger and share experience with all. Catholic men have lost respect for older women, older wives, as well.

No children in those families will ever learn to respect their mothers. In fact, the boys will grow up not respecting women but expecting them to be children.

Too many men look for "child-wives", women who will not challenge them, who will not be a real helpmate.

Muktarmen were dads of some girls I taught years ago. They pushed down any desire in their daughters for college or learning a skill.  This is shocking, and in my opinion, child abuse.

Muktarmen do not see their wives either as spiritual helpers or even spiritually superior when these wives are saints.

Muktarmen are control freaks. I have a rule of thumb about muktarmen. If they are in the kitchen everyday following the wife around and not letting her get on in her domain, not just on the weekends when normal men may pitch and and help mom with by giving her a break, they are muktarmen.

I learned in my clan growing up that the woman was queen of the house. Dads were the kings who expected the queen to keep everything in order and trusted the queen to get on with making a happy home to which he could come home from fighting the knightly battles in the world.

My mother's generation had much responsibility.

Marriage is about interdependence.

Marriage is about mutual trust and respect.

A man has children with his wife and entrusts their spiritual life to both himself and her.

Mothers are most important in the formation of children, and, therefore, are given huge responsibilities.

A husband lead, loves, provides and a wife helps, manages and loves.

What happened? From where does this demeaning of women come?

Zelie Martin had her own business even after she was married.

St. Etheldreda was the authority over the prior in a double monastery, as were several other female saints.

Women in the Catholic Church should be encouraged to be strong in their spheres--and not helpless, not dependent for everything from a man.

If a woman is in a position is a marriage where she must ask for spending money or is getting an allowance, something is wrong, very wrong.

God called women in the Bible to do great, heroic deeds. Are they allowed to do so, to be leaders, to be among wise men?

I quote the Scriptures and notice all the things this fair wife does:

Proverbs 31:10-31Douay-Rheims 

10 Who shall find a valiant woman? far and from the uttermost coasts is the price of her.
11 The heart of her husband trusteth in her, and he shall have no need of spoils.
12 She will render him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.
13 She hath sought wool and flax, and hath wrought by the counsel of her hands.
14 She is like the merchant's ship, she bringeth her bread from afar.
15 And she hath risen in the night, and given a prey to her household, and victuals to her maidens.
16 She hath considered a field, and bought it: with the fruit of her hands she hath planted a vineyard.
17 She hath girded her loins with strength, and hath strengthened her arm.
18 She hath tasted and seen that her traffic is good: her lamp shall not be put out in the night.
19 She hath put out her hand to strong things, and her fingers have taken hold of the spindle.
20 She hath opened her hand to the needy, and stretched out her hands to the poor.
21 She shall not fear for her house in the cold of snow: for all her domestics are clothed with double garments.
22 She hath made for herself clothing of tapestry: fine linen, and purple is her covering.
23 Her husband is honourable in the gates, when he sitteth among the senators of the land.
24 She made fine linen, and sold it, and delivered a girdle to the Chanaanite.

25 Strength and beauty are her clothing, and she shall laugh in the latter day.
26 She hath opened her mouth to wisdom, and the law of clemency is on her tongue.
27 She hath looked well to the paths of her house, and hath not eaten her bread idle.
28 Her children rose up, and called her blessed: her husband, and he praised her.
29 Many daughters have gathered together riches: thou hast surpassed them all.
30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands: and let her works praise her in the gates.