Many Americans have heard the phrase "tough love". Some people think it only has to do with working with at risk students, or something psychologists do.
Tough love should happen in families on a regular basis. The culture is forming our children, not the parents, and if parents do not take a strong stand against the culture, the souls of their children are at stake.
Who is to blame when children fall away? This is a hard question. If parents can put their hands on their hearts and say they educated their children in Catholic teaching, including the Ten Commandments, and if they lived the Faith in the home, then they have done their duty. But, as long as the child is at home and getting money from the parents, certain things can be demanded, as parents.
First, a parent has a right to say to an adult son or daughter living at home that they must attend Mass with the family. As long as one is in the home, one is a family member and not merely a "roomer".
Second, the Ten Commandments as the rule of the family must be followed by adult children living at home. This is simple to enforce. If an adult son or daughter insist on sinning consistently, mortally, they have chosen to not be in obedience to the parents in the parents' home. This could include joining in daily family prayer when time permits, and eating together.
Three, parents are refusing to be parents. They tolerate serious evils, such as homosexual behavior and addictions to pornography. A parent is not a victim to the adult child's decision.
Tough love sees the long picture, that of the immortal soul reaching heaven. If a parent does not cooperate with grace and the commandments of God in the raising of children, it is the parents' fault and God will judge accordingly. If an adult child is benefiting from life in the home, they must follow the religion of the house. If not, a parent has a right and duty to ask them to leave.
This is real love. Anything less is sentimentality and cooperating with serious sin. Parents, if you supporting an adult son or daughter, you have a right and duty to ask for obedience to God and yourselves, as that person is still "under" you and dependent on you. Parents in the sacrament of Matrimony are given grace to raise their children.
Christ was obedient to Joseph and Mary until He left home. He has shown us the way.
