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Friday, 27 December 2013

Mate Material

Well, all day today, this idea kept coming into my head- a post on what Catholic women should be looking for in a potential mate.

Now, some would say that such an idea is calculating, but common sense and the art of thinking like a Catholic must come into play when one is open to marriage.

After spending a day with lovely young couples whose marriages were "made in heaven", I decided to write down some of my observations for the lady readers who are called to marriage.

A few ideas:

1) Make sure you look for a man who is holier and more religious than you are. Do not fall into the horrible false thinking that you can change a man. One does not marry in order to change someone, but to accept them as they are. A man who demonstrates more spirituality than you, and the desire to grow in holiness, will be the "it" man.

2) Make sure he is capable of being the leader of your domestic church. Can he pray? Does he pray the rosary daily? Does he go to Mass during the week? Does he go to Adoration? Does he read the Bible, and even say the Breviary? Does he believe in frequent Confession? Does he keep the fast and abstinence days of the Church? A yes to all these means you have found a winner, a man who can teach his children how to pray.

3) Does he have his own relationship with God, independent of you? If so, great. If not, oh dear, not good, as too many men rely on their wive's relationship with God instead of developing their own.

4) Is he a protector, of you, of others? And, if you have read my posts on the three "p" types of men, you know what I mean.

5) Does he love the one, holy, Catholic and apostolic Church? Is he orthodox? If he is not a great reader of encyclicals and such, is he willing to learn from others?

6) Does he love and  honor his mum and his sisters? Good "catch" if so, avoid if not.

7) Is he generous, with money, time, himself? If he is not, he will not make a good husband. A good husband denies himself for the sake of the wife and children.

8) Is he humble? Who wants to yoke themselves with a braggart, or arrogant man, or a narcissist. See number 4.

9) Does he know how to be a husband, a father, or is he willing to learn and has the natural as well as supernatural gifts to be such a man?

10) Can he support a stay-at-home mum and children? Is he open to home-schooling? Would he sacrifice for a real Catholic education for his children?

11) Is he capable of real love? Does he love the real you and not an imaginary woman he has created in his own image and likeness?

to be continued.....


Hui said...

How Dow guys find the perfect women?

Supertradmum said...

Hui, coming up next.....

Caroline said...

People are inclined to say that a man who looks after his mother will do the same for you. This is not always true. Be careful and look closely at the relationship between his father and mother.
Has the mother leaned on her son as a kind of substitute husband because his father won't take on his responsibilities? I know 3 marriages where this occurred. In all 3 the son ended up taking out his resentment and frustration at his mother on his wife. They were unhappy and abusive men and seemed to find it difficult to differentiate between their mothers and their wives. They all but destroyed their wives and their children suffered as well.

Supertradmum said...

Caroline, you need to read this post from a month ago

Anonymous said...

I married the man you described in your column. He learned these things from the best - his own father.

Francis, my late father-in-law, was the type of man who might be overlooked. He was tall, thin, and very quiet. His mother died of the flu when he was 18 months old, and he grew up on a farm with kind siblings and a rather distant but devout father.

He was a farm worker during WWII, and after the war he married a good Catholic woman and raised four daughters and my husband. He was a devout Catholic, a member of the K of C, and what was then described as a "family man".

He worked two jobs to support his family and put his children through 12 years of Catholic schools. But he still found time to be a band parent, a member of parish council, Holy Name Society, and a board member of the parish credit union, among other things. Because he worked in the night and early in the day, he was home in the afternoons and early evenings when his children came home from school. He always found time to attend parish activities and devotions such as Stations of the Cross and 40 Hours Devotions, and he made sure to bring his children and my mother-in-law with him.

He was the kind of man who would quietly leave the room if there was off-color talk going on. If his wife, daughters or I were present, however, he would not hesitate to remind those in the room that there were ladies present and that they needed to change the subject of their conversation.

I think this illustrates why good fathers are so necessary for a decent society.

Thank you for your excellent posting.

Susan from Akron

Supertradmum said...

Susan, God has blessed you. Thanks for the good comment and wishes.

qualcosa di bello said...

I would also add (though it seems as though what you describe would already include this) that he is desirous of the number of children God desires for the marriage, open to life, willing to use NFP if there are situations throughout the marriage that necessitate its use.

I know of a situation that resulted from two poorly catechized persons marrying, "learning" NFP with "notable exceptions" allowed by the couple provided in the parish, & when the wife continued to form her conscience as the Catechism exhorts, she grew in faith but her husband did not budge. That pivotal point in the marriage ("NFP his way" vs. Church teaching) has made the marriage often unbearable, moreso than many other factors in their disparity of faith.

This situation has opened my eyes to much suffering by spouses who desire to grow in and practice the Faith while the other is stagnant or regresses. Such suffering in these marriages...

Supertradmum said...

qualcosa di bello, you are correct and I have written on the real reasons for NFP here and elsewhere. Thanks for the comment.