One of the most tragic occurrences of our time is the lack of the acceptance of suffering as normal.
In the past nine months, here in America, I have witnessed the sadness, irritation, and even despair of those, both young and very old, who have not learned that suffering is a necessity.
The Protestant lie that God blesses His beloved on this earth permeates the American Catholic Church. I see old people grumpy and unhappy because their bodies are failing, slowly but surely. I hear middle-aged people grumbling about how unfair life is because their expected pensions were cut, because no on understands the middle-class and so on. I see and hear young people, who were raised in what most of the world would call luxury, unhappy because they have aspired to a false American Dream, which was only, always a dream and not reality.
Some of us have had false expectations knocked out of us through suffering. Some of us have had the myth of immortality knocked out of us by bouts of cancer or other ill health. Some of us have lived long years of poverty, even penury.
How one reacts to suffering makes or breaks the saint.
We shall suffer either here or in purgatory, or in suffering. Now, some of the saints tell us that accepting graciously and gratefully suffering here is much more merit-able than suffering in purgatory.
An hour of pain or a year of pain now, accepted in grace and peace, means much more here than in purgatory.
Those of us in the Dark Night know that suffering is part of the road we cannot escape because of our sins, our many sins, and the evil tendencies and habits which have grown up like weeds over the years.
I am thankful for the Dark Night, but I must keep focused on the why and not the how. Last week, for three days, I was convinced I was going to hell. I felt the total evil of my self and the darkness of my soul and mind. For three days, I knew nothing but abandonment. Now, I am not "feeling" consoled, but the intense pain and scariness of damnation has passed. I made acts of faith, saying "Lord, have mercy on me" and "Jesus, do not forget you died for me. I know You died for me, a sinner."
Such are some of the pains of the Dark Night, along with hatreds, abandonment of friends and family, misunderstandings of those one thought were friends because of their judgment, and so on.
If we do not suffer now, we shall elsewhere.
I fought purgation for years and years, partly because I was so busy, (as I thought), and partly because I was brainwashed by the lies of the American Dream. I "had" to have a house, a car, a certain middle-class lifestyle, and so on. I lied to myself saying it was all for my son, as I had had these things, but it was really for me. Children need the basics, and love.
Beginning (again) in 2008, I saw, slowly but surely, the only way was to accept, joyfully, suffering. Then came 2009, with Hashimoto's Disease, a meniscus tear, cancer, and tensions at work, leading to me being fired for having cancer (yes, it happens and it is legal here). After my cancer op, I only took two weeks off, but because of breathing complications owing to an allergic reaction to the anesthetic, I was on a breathing machine for two months five months later, and then fired for being sick. I was raising a young person through all of this and the wage-earner. I had to beg for food that summer and get a one-off rental allowance for two months. Thankfully, I had a friend help me with food baskets for my son and I. She told me the place from which I was fired had fired another person for having cancer. She understood. She was, therefore, kind and not judgmental. God bless her.
Such is life and such is the purification of God in one's life.
One can stand back and cry "foul" or stupidly compare one's self with others. One can ask "why" or say "thank you".
Since 2009, I have learned that all suffering is not only allowed by God, but willed by Him, either in His permissive Will or His intended Will. From all eternity, He knew I would have to give up my house, (I sold before I could not continue the mortgage payments, and thank God it sold in three days), I sold my car, as I could no longer afford insurance or gasoline, and I began to live the life of great simplicity. The years of suffering before were "redeemed" as time for purging, which I did not understand until it all came together in 2009.
I stopped fighting suffering and accepted it, in whatever fashion God deemed necessary.
In this, I have been given the clarity of mind to see what God is doing with me and with the world. How many posts do I have on simplifying one's life?
One can choose poverty, or one can have it thrust upon one for the good of one's soul. One can be detached and still have things. God chooses the way.
God chooses the way. We only have to respond gratefully and willing, learning daily to trust in Him.
In June, I phoned the local homeless shelters, as some of you know. All were full and I did not qualify for one. This was very hard to do. I have no romantic ideas about how difficult and hard such places are. They are not "nice". Poverty is a prison, but one must learn to be free within a prison, just as the nun learns to be free in a small cell, owning nothing of her own.
I have given up counting all the jobs for which I have applied, cleaning jobs, teaching, catechetical, secretarial and so on.
Those who judge can answer to God, as I have to do. All I know is that He leads and I follow, doing the best I can in every situation. But, I also know that we must all suffer in some way. Perhaps, because I was such a great sinner leading others astray as a young person with my stupid ideas, I must endure this. Perhaps, I suffer for others in some small way, which is wonderful, if that is the case. Suffering is mostly purification for one's predominant fault(s),
But, do not fall for the lies. If you are not suffering in some way, be wary. It may mean that God has given up on you. Even the great St. Therese suffered almost until the very moment of her death, asking the sisters to take the pain killers out of her room at night so that she would not be tempted to commit suicide. This fact was expurgated from earlier biographies as it seemed shocking. It seems not only human, but super-human to ask such a thing. We do not know how we would react under intense physical pain. She did not trust herself. She trusted only in God.
If one so innocent was not spared suffering, what of those of us who have sinned?
She never committed a mortal sin in her life, noted her confessors.
I pray today that those younger ones wake up and stop murmuring, stop complaining, that they will see and accept that they will not have what their parents had-nice pension packages, nice retirements, a lot of lovely things. Please listen and see and say, "So, what."
Maybe this younger generation are called to great holiness, and maybe, just maybe, their parents missed the call. I hope not too many Gen-Xers and Millennials were ruined by parents spoiling them, turning them into Verucas.
Suffering is not a lie. It is an evil God allows for our purification. Can we not embrace it, willingly?
Can we stop believing lies and accept suffering as a necessary situation for our good?
Shall we stand before God like spoiled children, kicking our feet, crying because we not only did not get things, but did not get our way? I hope not. Like Veruca, the kicking and screaming ones end up in the garbage pit of eternity.
