Recently, an excellent holy man said something which resonated with me. He said that the incessant searching after one's vocation is a symptom of pride. This holy man stressed that the so-called "lost vocation" and the person pining after such, is a sign of pride. Pride is self-absorption. It is making one's self into God. It is playing God.
I know many people who are old and middle-aged who keep going back into the past regretting "lost opportunities". These could be turning down a marriage proposal, turning down a job which would have meant a huge move, turning down a vision from God because the spouse did not support that vision, not going into the seminary or being kicked out, not going into the convent and so on.
Some people think they must keep praying about vocations forever, and this is pride. Why?
Several reasons, the first being that maybe they did not have that vocation to which they thought God was calling them to pursue. It is prideful to think one must be a priest or a nun to be holy. It is prideful to think that not being married is some sort of failure.
Maybe all their efforts failed because God was trying to show them another way.
Perhaps the real vocation was staring them in the face and they did not have the humility to say, "Yes, God, I accept this."
I have never been comfortable with the idea of a lost vocation. Yes, seminaries did kick out and still do kick out conservative, traditional young men. But, God allowed these things to happen for a reason, which we may never understand in this life. Now, there are alternative orders which did not exist in the past.
Some women who want to get married simply have not met "Mr. Right". In this day and age, sadly, this is a norm, as the society falls into neo-paganism and there are less and less Mr. Rights available.
Complaining to God and keeping up the search is prideful.
This second aspect is important. God has a perfect will for us and His permissive will. Either way, we can obtain heaven. The first may be easier, less stressful, as those who are in God's perfect will have a deep peace despite difficulties. The second may be more difficult, more purgative, leading one away from self into the Dark Night, and finally to Illumination and Unity. Some call the first the way of affirmation, the affimative way, while the way of suffering is the via negativa, the way of negation.
To keep going over and over one's failures or to feel one is not "fitting in" to an ordinary, historical role shows a lack of humility, the virtue which states, "Thy will be done."
What is happening in one's life right now, if one is in sanctifying grace, and one is following God IS God's Will.
It may be extremely painful. Pride needs to be destroyed. Pride is one of the most common predominant faults.
Look at Our Lady. Her life was not easy. Her vocation to be the Theotokos was rifled with strife. Yet, she was peaceful and calm in her acceptance of God's will.
I shall list her details as if she lived in a contemporary society.
A single,virginal woman had a profound religious experience of unity, for which she was prepared all her existence, and is, at first, misunderstood by her fiance.
She then marries and has to have her child in a foreign town away from family, only with her husband and God. She is in ecstasy.
She understands all, but cannot share the wonder, pondering all things in her heart.
In the middle of the night some time later, her husband awakens her and they have to flee immediately to a foreign land. She is obedient, humble.
Her husband leads the little family back to her home town and sets up a small business, but they are very poor.
The husband dies, and, soon, at her bequest for helping friends, she asks her Son to begin His work away from her.
She lives alone in solitude, only able to share with God her interior life. She lives in the Unitive State, higher and most perfect, in silence.
Her Son is killed. She endures the pain and encourages the choice to suffer.
He is restored, and finally goes to heaven, leaving her with her appointed adopted son.
She must leave her family again, and go to another city, full of pagans, in order to live with her new adopted son who is persecuted. She has to make yet another new life around her.
Of course, there is only one Mary, one Lord, one Incarnational moment and history, but my point is that Our Lady accepted all of this chaos and pain, suffering and even hatred for the sake of Love for God. She obeyed constantly.
She lived in obedience and humility and never thought, "Why me, Lord?" "Did I do something wrong, Lord?" "Was there a missed opportunity?"
See how humility is not only obedience but purity of mind, heart, soul. It is perfection. It is peaceful acceptance of God's will for you today.
Do not keep going over your lives, moaning or complaining at lost opportunities or blaming yourself for not following some vocation you think you lost. All things happen for a purpose.
One of my favorite quotations is from St. Thomas More. I use to write it in the beginning of my Bibles.
I paraphrase this, as I do not have the book with me where I found the quotation: Do not be afraid of anything which happens. All that happens is God's Will.
I believe this, as this is our teaching in the Catholic Church regarding Providence.
Your vocation is NOW. And, if God presents a new opening for love in your life, be it as a celibate or married, do not turn away because of your own preconceived ideas of what your life should have been or could have been.
Live in the present moment and you will find God. Be open to love and you will find God's will.
