I write about this all the time on my blog under the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.
An admonishment saved me.
Story time: back in 1971, the year I graduated from college, in early October, I sought out a nun, who had been one of my theology teachers in college. For about 18 months, I had been a brat-agnostic, Marxist, heading for the Hillary route by being involved in community action and campus politics. I had been approached by the lawyers of the Chicago 8 to work with them, but had the grace to refuse. Having set aside my Faith, and no longer believing that Jesus was Lord, I became suicidal from months of being away from God. Seeking refuge out of desperation in the retreat house my friend nun ran, (I had learned Ignatian Spirituality from her, and thrown it all out), I told her I was going to shoot myself. This nun looked hard at me and said, “You may as well kill yourself as you are spiritually dead.”
I knew she was correct. If I died then, I would go to hell.
She added, “There is a priest downstairs and I shall tell him you are coming down to make your confession.” She left. I sat on the side of the bed in the retreat room knowing it was decision time. I stood up, and decided to go downstairs. I hardly made the decision. It was only a decision of going downstairs, not of perfect contrition. I had been admonished.
When I stood up, walking to the top of a great set of stairs in this old, grand house, (it no longer exists), I felt a wind at my back and I was virtually carried down the stairs. In seconds, I was making a general confession amidst great tears of sorrow and relief. Then, Christ entered the room, but I was too ashamed to look at Him. I saw His Feet with the wounds of the nails. He spoke to me and said, “Never doubt that I Am God.” To this day, with the grace of God, I have not.
This nun had the courage to speak the truth to a sinful apostate. Her honesty brought me back to life in Christ and a real appropriation of my adult Faith. What I found out later, is that she had gathered all the, unknown to me, retreatants in the center, and they were in the next room praying for me.
I admonish sinners. I am not afraid to do so. There is not enough truth in this world and we must save souls, just as Sr. Elizabeth brought about the salvation of my lost soul. May her soul rest in peace and may my conversion and few merits, as well as her own, gain her everlasting life. I am eternally grateful to this nun.
Supertradmum says: