One can choose purgatory on earth

One can ask to have one's purgatory on earth. This is not the same as going through the purgative stage of holiness. Allowing one's self to take on pain on earth for the reparation of one's own sin is not only laudatory, but recommended by some of the saints.

The purgative stage happens before one gets to the stage of experiencing suffering for the sake of love. That second description is what one experiences in purgatory. One has seen God in all His Beauty and loves Him. The separation from that Love is part if not all of the pain of purgatory.

The stage where one begins to suffer for one's sins in order to be perfect before death comes at the beginning of the unitive state or the end of the illuminative stage. This is when the soul yearns to be with God and the final perfection of the soul with regard to sin and the effects of sin is under way.

I wrote about simplicity earlier today. That one gives up all one has is not enough. One must give up the desire for things. Yesterday, walking through the lovely shopping district of central Dublin and seeing the happy shoppers, I happened to be in the neighbourhood of the jewellers. Now, I have no jewellery at this time. I dress simply and if I did have anything bling, it would be simple. I discovered yesterday, however, the twinge of desire still in me. How horrible to face that sinful desire for things of the world. It is not enough to give all away, or sell what one has and give the money to the poor, one must follow Jesus into the dark realms of the heart so that one can be purified. I used custody of the eyes and moved on from the area. How good God was to show me this imperfection.

Because one wills to have one's purgatory on earth, God blesses one exceedingly. Accepting pain freely now is of much more merit than the necessary purging of purgatory. Remember, only the perfect see God.

As I quickly walked past the shops, I prayed to be delivered from all desires except for the desire for God. If I had not seen the bling in the windows, I would not have realized the depths of my imperfections. This is good. Only God can change the lasting remains of worldly longings in my heart. If I actually had the bling, I would not want it. But, the desire must be purged from my heart, no matter how small it is. Of course, Satan tempts us and we must know the difference between temptation and a desire. Thankfully, temptations can be refused. I was tempted to look and feed desire and I refused. A quiet peace follows these decisions. 

To pray for such purification of heart and mind now, and to desire to only want to love God and to love Him with all one's heart and mind and soul is the goal of this journey of perfection.

One cannot be attached to anything-neither the opinion of other people, status, comfort, family. This is purgatory on earth. Choose it. It is actually attainable. God will never deny us graces for which we sincerely ask. The unitive state is one which St. John of the Cross expresses in this poem. He is in the unitive state. He has experienced the Love Who is a Person.

 St. John of the Cross on the Desire for God

I live, but not in myself,
and I have such hope
that I die because I do not die.

 I no longer live within myself

and I cannot live without God,
for having neither him nor myself
what will life be?
It will be a thousand deaths,
longing for my true life
and dying because I do not die.

 This life that I live

is no life at all,
and so I die continually
until I live with you;
hear me, my God:
I do not desire this life,
I am dying because I do not die.

 When I am away from you

what life can I have
except to endure
the bitterest death known?
I pity myself,
for I go on and on living,
dying because I do not die.

 A fish that leaves the water

has this relief:
the dying it endures
ends at last in death.
What death can equal my pitiable life?
For the longer I live, the more drawn out is my dying.

When I try to find relief

seeing you in the Sacrament,
I find this greater sorrow:
I cannot enjoy you wholly.
All things are affliction
since I do not see you as I desire,
and I die because I do not die.

 And if I rejoice, Lord,

in the hope of seeing you,
yet seeing I can lose you
doubles my sorrow.
Living in such fear
and hoping as I hope,
I die because I do not die.

 Lift me from this death,

my God, and give me life;
do not hold me bound
with these bonds so strong;
see how I long to see you;
my wretchedness is so complete
that I die because I do not die.

I will cry out for death

and mourn my living
while I am held here
for my sins.
O my God, when will it be
that I can truly say:
now I live because I do not die?