Perfection Series VIII Part XlV Astonishment

Everything that is in Jacques’ work we have first lived in the form of a vital difficulty, in the form of experience – problems of art and morality, of philosophy, of faith, of prayer, of contemplation.

Today, I was astonished when I read this in Raissa's Journal. When I read this entry the first time, I thought nothing of it. But, today, I am amazed.

This is the story of my adult life-experiencing "in the form of a vital difficulty", in the form of "experience" problems which formed my teaching, my poetry and stories, and this blog. This means being Church, not merely being a member, but experiencing, making rational in one's self what the Bride of Christ does.

Nothing is wasted, not even intense perplexity and suffering.

But, when she wrote this entry, she was younger, much younger, than I am now, and this reality of living the Church in one's own soul and body just came to me a few years ago as a revelation of a pattern.

Problems which need reflection become the stuff of prayer. Problems which involve the intellect become part of who we are.

We decide freely how to deal with problems. Either we wrestle as Jacob did with God, or we let go.

To feel the pains of the Church in one's own self is a type of unity with Christ. That Raissa shared these pains and triumphs with her husband was a gift of union for them both.

Some of us have to face these fights by ourselves. It is a hard call, believe me.

Raissa continued...All this has been given to us first of all to live, each according to his nature and according to God’s grace.

I apologize, but the blog set up seems to change the spacing on my new poem, so I shall try and post it in the next posting.

I have no idea why the spacing looks one way in the text when I type it but is published incorrectly.

to be continued...