A reader asked me to go over the characteristics of men who are
Predators, Peter Pans or
Protectors.
I have written about this for a long time, and most of my knowledge is from teacher training for at-risk-students, when we learned about predators, and from experience, as well as helping out with marriage prep in the Church in years past. I also took counseling courses in the past for jobs in the Church which demanded such skills in order to refer people on to professionals as needed. These categories have moved out of counseling classes into the popular parlance.
Firstly, however, a number of pastors and a famous psychiatrist also talked to me about such terms for the categories as earlier at 1994, when I was working with people with marriage irregularities in a parish. I shall give a lay person's interpretation of the terms as succinctly as I can. I am NOT describing illnesses or conditions such as bipolar or other such things. I am not describing clinical Personality Disorders, although this traits could be found in such persons. I am not getting into
clinical definitions of such.
Secondly, one can, by observation of habits and character, determine if a man falls into one of these three categories. I am not talking about male children, but adult men. The signs are not always obvious, at first.
Not seeing the obvious may be a problem in figuring out the evil character of the predator male. He is the one who sees women as sex objects, women as merely to be used for money or status, and is a man who manipulates for his own gain in this life. Such a man is one who marries for money and not love. Such a man wants a trophy wife who makes him look good in public.
He is also a bully and domineering, sucking life out of the women around him, whom he frequently charms at first before showing his true nastiness. A predator is selfish to the core and expects a woman to do what he wants to do. Sadly, he has learned the tricks to make women do what he wants, and
he is used to his own way. Sometimes, this type of man is an adulterer or philanderer, as he is into power, not love. He is a liar.
If a young woman is beginning to think her boyfriend is a liar, get out of the relationship. Lying is a sign of a predator.
There are too many predators. If a young woman feels like she is giving her will over to such a man, she should get out of the relationship now. Too many young women want to please a man so badly that they fall into the predators' traps.
Predators only care about their own needs and cannot love. Frequently, they are also violent in speech, and even in action. Predators in families create domestic abuse. Too often women who are victims protect these predators, which is absolutely the wrong thing to do, as this status gives them more power.
Predators can seem charming, but hints are sexual aggressiveness, rudeness, and self-centeredness. Sadly, some cultures teach men to be predators. You can figure out which ones do this.
Peter Pans are the perpetual adolescent boy-men. They, also, are frequently narcissistic but in reality mostly non-committal, and use women to feed their need for a mommy. Peter Pans take no responsibility for themselves and constantly blame others either in the now or in the past for their faults and failures.
The Peter Pan is the man women love to take care of--
ick. These men, again, seem charming and boyish, and exciting, as they seem unusual, but in reality they have not grown up spiritually or emotionally. In a marriage, they manipulate the women into doing everything to keep the marriage going, and see themselves as victims. A Peter Pan wants to create an environment where he has no responsibility. He rarely takes control of his life, much less that of a family. He may not ever want to get married, as that state would interfere with his constant boyhood life.
Many times Peter Pans start getting involved in a relationship with a woman leading to marriage, but then, break it off, as they get scared of the responsibility. If married, this type of man sometimes cannot cope with children, as he want to be the kid in the family. Peter Pans cannot discipline, as they have no self-discipline.
Modern Western Civilization is full of Peter Pans, and I know many. They do not fulfill the call to grow up into the persons God created them to be. They are sad, really. Many are "mama boys", and one does not want to marry a man who puts his mother before his wife.
Protectors are from God. They are men who have pursued their spiritual life and have become adults. They are not afraid of responsibility or being religious. They are usually trained from little on to be a man, but not always. I have known Protectors who came from awful family situations. Grace is freely given.
Protectors are exemplified in two men I know who gave up the careers they wanted to do in order to pursue careers which they knew would support a wife and as many children as God would give them. One is a doctor and the other a surgeon, and they have lots of lovely Catholic children and now, grandchildren.
They sacrificed dreams for being husbands and fathers, and God has blessed them. They are providers and men of sacrifice.
A man who is willing to sacrifice his own comfort for that of his wife and children is a Protector.
Another Protector I know took care of his mother and three siblings after the father left home, never to return. This good Protector watched over his mother until she died in her nineties. His wife told me that he was her Protector as well, of course.
Protector men help their children to be saints and good citizens. They take an active part in the raising of the children, and also help the wife have time to pursue her prayer and daily Bible reading. They have a personal relationship with God and understand the role of the man as head of the family.
If you are single and you bump into a single Protector, you will recognize the courtesy and gentlemanly behavior he exhibits towards you.
Young women, if you are dating someone who is not a gentleman, get out of that relationship. Do not think that you can change a Peter Pan or Predator into a Protector.
Only God can do that.
One of my favorite movies as a young person was
The Man from Snowy River. The man in the story, Jim Craig, has to earn the right to have his land. He works to earn his rightful inheritance, horses, and finally, a wife. Good order, that. He became a Protector as he grew up.
